(Closed) I can't make my best friends wedding, now she won't talk to me.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Louise333: she sounds abusive and like you’re in a co-dependent relationship. 

Just…why? There’s no reason for any of this nonsense. 

If your sister had a friend who treated her like your friend is treating you, what would your advice to her be?

Post # 3
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Louise333:  She sounds horrible… it sucks to be neglected but quite honestly ”good riddance”!!!

You did absolutely nothing wrong… please don’t feel guilty, she sounds like an abusive cow tbh.

Post # 4
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

If you have a year-long visa, you couldn’t come back for a visit for a week or so for the wedding?  I don’t know how Visas work…

Post # 5
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

They say everything happens for a reason. I believe in a few years you will look back and feel relieved that you only wasted 6 years on a selfish and abusive “friend” like her. Please forget her and let this go. Enjoy your new adventure in Australia and create great memories — instead of crying and mourning this lost “friendship” which is really your former friend exploiting your kindness and generosity. 

You don’t say what your husband feels about this and I think it’s unfair for him especially when he too needs your emotional support coming off depression. it’s also unfair to your parents and in laws who did their best financially to let you have this great opportunity to spend a year abroad and you have now spent 1/3 of this time moping about your ungrateful and abusive friend. I don’t mean to be harsh. I really hope you can move on and enjoy what you have and what’s around you instead of living in past misery. as you say, life’s too short for this shit.

Post # 6
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I think you are better off without her in your life 

Post # 7
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

Whereabouts in Australia are you? I’m an Aussie bee and I would happily travel to see you so I can shake some sense into you!! Honestly, why is this still an issue for you? This chick is an emotionally abusive brat. She is a selfish, ungrateful b*tch and I am so relieved that she has a Fiance with a little sense because fortunately their daughter has at least 50% of a good influence in her life. You have done more than enough. She seems to live in her own little bubble. She is manipulating you and you’re eating it up. Don’t buy into her bullsh*t. If other people have given her the flick (people who have known her longer than you have), what does that tell you? You’re talking like there are no other people in the world. Do you not have any other friends? Plus you’re married, focus on your husband and this exciting time in your lives. You’re in Australia!! Enjoy it!!

While I was reading your post I thought to myself, “She should just send her one last e-mail saying she gives up and that psycho will probably cave once she realises that she’s milked the situation for all it’s worth and she’s not going to get away with it anymore” and what did she say when you actually did it? Agree to meet up. Before I read the end of the sentence, I thought she’d for sure pick a time that was inconvenient for you and BAM!! I was right again. How did I know? Because it’s classic emotionally abusive behaviour and I have dealt with people like her for many years and can now spot it from a mile away. Her picking the date you were due to fly out was a total power play. She wanted you to put her needs before your own like you always have. Enough is enough!! She has a child for crying out loud, it’s time for her to grow up and stop playing the victim!!

It’s also time for you to get a little self-worth and forget the crazy lady once and for all!!

Post # 8
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I agree with the other PPs that say she is an abusive cow. 

i understand that she is hurt you will miss her wedding, but she should be thrilled for what an amazing opportunity you and your husband have been given. Things happen for a reason. Perhaps she just isn’t meant to be a ‘forever friend’ and it sounds like her true colours are showing. You have done absolutely NOTHING wrong. 

You are grieving for the loss of this friendship, And that’s a big thing. These people have been so important in your life for the last 6 years and its only natural to feel a huge loss. Quite honestly though, if she can’t be happy for something exciting in your life, she is selfish and self-centred and you will find better friends than that. She is being extremely unreasonable. Please don’t feel as though you have done something wrong. 

one day she will realise the error of her ways and she may realise she was the one being selfish and abusive. If it were my friend, even if she grovelled back to me and apologised, I don’t think the friendship could ever be the same. 

Give yourself time to grieve and feel the loss and the emotions that come with losing an important friend. Feeling that way is okay. In time it will be easier. perhaps you are feeling this way because her wedding day is approaching?

what an absolute cow. You are better off without her!

above all, WELCOME to Australia!!! I hope you are loving and enjoying your time here!! You will meet heaps of lovely friends while you are here. You sound like a lovely person who probably has heaps of other lovely friends. If you need an extra Aussie friend feel free to PM me! X

Post # 9
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

SaraJeanQ:  Do you know how expensive that would be?

Post # 10
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

SaraJeanQ:  this would probably depend on OP’s financial situation. We have invited 2 friends from overseas to our Aussie wedding but we appreciate it is a massive cost to get here/there. Also if I was treated the way OP was by her ‘bestie’ there’s no way I’d consider going now! 

Post # 11
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Sukii:  great advice! Spot on with the emotional blackmail bullshit too! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

 

Miss.E.91:  I have to agree with this. 

A real friend would be excited for you, want you to have this opportunity, especially after your bad experience in South Africa.  

A wedding is one day….this is a year of your life.  I am half Australian, and I’m living in the UK right now.  I’m on benefits, and frankly, if anyone offered me even half of what your families are offering I would bite their hand off at the wrist!

Forget this woman.  She’s not a friend.  Stop apologising to her…she should be apologising to you for the way she is acting.  Even her own fiance acknowledges that she is out of line! 

Don’t waste this opportunity by worrying over this woman.  She really is not worth it.

 

Post # 13
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Louise333:  she is a terrible abusive person. Just grieve the loss and let it go.

Post # 14
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You are not crazy for grieving the loss of a friend who at some point meant something very special to you. However, you should really reevaluate your priorities. You have people in your life who have supported you through the bad and the ugly. Your focus would be much more productively invested on your loved ones than on the toxic, abusive relationships of your past. Dwelling is not healthy and does not resolve anything. Enjoy yourself on this new journey in your life and build positive memories with your husband in Australia. Do not let such a spiteful, immature human being ruin this experience for you even when she isn’t even in the picture anymore!

Post # 15
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Louise333:  With a friend like that, who needs enemies?!? 

Seriously, stop feeling bad. Any friend who expects you to put her wedding before your own major life decisions is not worth keeping around. You’ve just moved halfway across the world, make the best of it, try to make some new friends, see the sights and enjoy yourself! You’ve done nothing wrong – don’t let a selfish brat who throws temper tantrums as if she were still 3 years old tell you otherwise. Chin up and enjoy Australia.

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