I’m pretty much like your husband, lol.
Well, except that I brush my teeth. 🙂
I am much lazier and laid back about chores than my hubby who is a total neat FREAK. He also works out 1-2 times a day, pretty much every day, and used to be ridiculously healthy eater. I ate pretty well, but did have a sweet tooth. It took us 4.5 years of dating and years of living together to finally figure out how to make things work between us (not that it will take you that long). He used to nag me about what I ate and about going to the gym… now he knows NOT TO GO THERE. I view that as controlling. He might ask if I want to go to the gym with him, which I like, but he won’t ask more than once, and won’t react negatively if I say no. He is always happy/encouraging whenever I do decide to go.
With regards to eating, I guess I’ve corrupted him… we both eat healthy meals 90% of the time, but go for hot wings once in awhile, or split dessert when we eat out. Actually, he is now a bad influence on me!
With regards to the house, we’ve come to sort of an understanding as to how to deal with chores. At one point, we made a list of chores that have to be done and split them up. We decided to each do our own laundry, take turns with the dishes, I vaccuum the floors, dust, make the bed, & clean the fish tank. He mops the hardwood floors and cleans the bathrooms/scrubs the toilets and showers. He also takes out the trash.
When there’s a bunch of stuff he’d like me to do, I actually PREFER for him to make me a list. That way he doesn’t have to keep reminding/nagging me. The list is more neutral and I don’t have to do what he’s asking that second. I ask him to put a “deadline” on the list, e.g., “please try to do these things before Sunday”. I always do what he asks during that time and I’m sure he would do the same if I gave him a similar honey do list.
Regarding the hygiene stuff, I would use positive reinforement (like others have mentioned) and jump him anytime he finishes brushing his teeth, etc! lol 🙂 I also wouldn’t be afaid to ask, “Have you brushed your teeth???” If he says no, I wouldn’t nag him, but I’d also not proceed intimately… he should get the message without you saying anything!!!
Ps – Do you think those behaviors have changed, or do you think you are just now learning about them because you’re living with him? I do think that if there’s been a change you might talk to him about his mood and the possibility of depression.