(Closed) I can’t please you, Mom.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

*hugs* I am so sorry your going through this, If this was me I would say “if you cant just be supportive of what we want then I wont talk to you about this anymore” you deserve to be happy and have the wedding you want, If your the ones paying for everything then everyone else can just suck it up. I am always amazed at how people try to make a family member or friends wedding all about them It really grates on my nerves

Post # 4
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@krystilainne:

 

Well she has a point.  A destination wedding, while small, is not an inexpensive alternative.  And if you want to have an AHR, yeah, that costs money too.

I truly don’t think your mom is being entirely unreasonable for wanting family at the AHR, especially if no family would be at your destination wedding.

You guys need to sit down and talk and you need to stop overreacting.  To me it just sounds like she’s trying to be helpful.

Post # 5
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree – it sounds like she’s just trying to be helpful.  I would say my family would never allow a destination wedding, and would have had a far worse reaction than your moms.

Post # 6
Member
46607 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

One of the hurdles we have to get over in our progression to adulthood, is to stop worrying about whether or not we are pleasing our Mom.

We also have to let go of that image of “mom” that we have in our head, and just accept our Mom for the person she is.

Post # 8
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

@MrsTVLover:they would never allow it? arent you an adult that can make your own decisions?

 @julies1949: your right, at some point you have to stop trying to please your parents and live your own life

Its funny how we cant wait to grown up and get out on our own but still feel like we have to consult with our parents on things like this and search for their approval

Post # 9
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@krystilainne:

Well, if you’re paying for this shindig then you control the guest list and everything about the party.  Your mom doesn’t have to support the way you do things if she doesn’t want to, but that’s her choice.  So “she doesn’t get it.”  And?  So what?  She doesn’t have to come.  You seem to really crave her support for some reason but you guys are not close, so I have no idea why you’re crying all night over this.

Post # 10
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@miss sparkly cat: yup, i am all grown up, a lawyer, and have been on my own a long time.  I guess i should have said my parents would not have been happy and therefore i wouldn’t have done it.  You have to pick your battles.  Weddings aren’t just about what the bride wants – there are a lot of moving parts and people that want to celebrate your special day with you.  I am extremely close with my mom, and her opinion (and others) certainly matter a lot to me.  So yeah, I have made compromises.  It’s not all about me.   That’s what I call being an adult.

Post # 11
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

@MrsTVLover: oh ok I get it

its one thing if you are close to your family. I get wanting to do things to please them too. I just dont get it when women have no real relationship with their parents but still feel like they have to do what their parents want

Post # 13
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@krystilainne: I’m not sure where you are in Alberta…. but if you’re in Calgary or Edmonton, weddings are expensive here, if you want the traditional sit down dinner type thing.  

It sounds like your Mom wants the whole big traditional wedding… but you don’t.  

Who is paying?  I couldn’t find that information in your post. 

If you guys are paying yourself…. then you basically need to tell your Mom to butt out, and you are having a destination wedding.  It sounds like she is insisting on the family being there etc (even if you don’t know them).  What you could do, is just invite them to the destination wedding…. and they won’t come.  Don’t send them save the dates.  They won’t come most likely if they don’t even know you. 

If your mom is paying, then maybe she can just pay for the AHR, and you just show up.  Whatever.  Let her have her party – you don’t have to be involved in planning it. 

I know one couple who were having these issues as well, and ended up just going to their Mexican resort…. and getting married.  They didn’t invite their parents. 

Post # 16
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@krystilainne: Im so sorry you are going through this… I would just say do what you and your Fiance want to do because in the end, the day is about you and him, not everyone else.

The topic ‘I can’t please you, Mom.’ is closed to new replies.

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