(Closed) I can't stand his attitude!!! *venting*

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m sorry you’re going through that! It must suck to be so excited about it and he’s not.  Is there anything else going on that would make him act this way?  Do you think there’s anything he would like to help plan like maybe food & drink?  My fiance hasn’t been that into the wedding planning but he enjoyed helping me pick out the menu for the reception. 

Post # 4
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

When we were younger my husband had bouts of being like this. We realized that he was like this because he felt like whatever he did wasn’t good enough or up to par to planning the wedding or making sure things were done the way I expected. Because I gotta tell you I have high standards! LOL, who doesn’t! Now that we are older it’s so laissez fare in such a good way! Self doubt ruins a ton of things, vice versa. I don’t think he means it, but if he does, then the solution should be to stop planning the wedding and say EFF IT! Spend the money on a spa day! Ain’t nobody got time to be in a one sided relationship! Yes that was extreme and I was totally kidding but sometimes it just takes a tiny pow wow to receive what you deserve! 

Post # 6
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

hehehe, it sure would be! 

Post # 7
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee

I find This concerning, why is it such a touchy topic for him? I hope it’s not something like he really doesn’t want to be married or anything of that nature. 

Post # 9
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

katelinnash:  Maybe set a time each week to talk about the wedding instead of talking about it randomly. Then you guys can each prepare the latest updates to discuss and what not, and then maybe go out and do something fun afterwards 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

katelinnash:  wow, bee 🙁 that really sucks.

he proposed to you, which should mean he wants to get married, but it’s totally not cool that doesn’t even want to talk about it!!

i mean, I can understand if he isnt the planning type, but seriously, he should AT LEAST give you emotional suppory and cheer you on and show his appreciation that you are doing the nitty gritty of the planning.

maybe have a talk about what this whole wedding thing means to him, and that it’s a day to celebrate your union, and that it hurts and is frustrating when he wont even talk about it with you when its a day for BOTH of you.

 

Post # 11
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

Some guys grow up being taught that “wedding planning” is “a womans dream”, so their input is not valued, which leads them to believe they shouldn’t get involved in the process.

I do believe most men would feel excited about planning a wedding, until they are discouraged in one or other way. My husband, for example, during our wedding planning was happily involved until I accidentally started ignoring his suggestions. He then resented me and started to found wedding planning boring, as he felt he had no voice in it.

We solved it by dividing tasks. I asked him what parts of the wedding planning was he most interested in and then gave him complete charge over them. Our wedding playlist, for example, was HIS task and I could not interfere with his music choices unless he invited me (I had the flower, for example). One of the wedding cake’s layers was also HIS task, and I had to respect it even if I disapproved (and I promise myself not to show my disaproval). I also let him chose one of the wedding colors, and other little things. I was very careful to not minimize his efforts and accept whichever choice he made with a smile (it was, after all OUR wedding, not only mine). This really helped making him feel his opinion was valued and the two months before our wedding he was talking about it almost every day.

Another thing we did to avoid me talking all day about the wedding was to limit wedding talk to “one question per day”. So I was only allow to ask for his opinion on one matter per day. Turns out, he was a WONDERFUL help when the topic was limited this way xD

Post # 12
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

katelinnash:  this was us for a month after sending out stds… We had a talk about the fact that doing all the legwork is WORK and how he could appreciate that somewhat instead of tuning me out when I ran the top 3 or 5 by him! My Fiance was annoyed with wedding stuf since he felt like I had everything covered and it didnt concern him so why bother talking about?? LOL glad that got resolved!

Have you asked him WHY? I think just bringing it but as a conversation would be good. It could be any of the things the other bees mentioned (feeling like hed do a bad job or out of his depths was another!) and only you really know your Fiance.

Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Im going through the exact same thing with my Fiance. It doesnt matter what I ask him, or tell him he gets an attitude about it and doesnt want anything to do with it. So far ive been the only one to spend any money on the wedding. Even trying to measure him for his suit was a night mare full of him being cranky the whole time and me basically forcing him to do it!

I was planning on sending our invites this week but when I asked him if he can get $50 for the stamps he got an attitude so I said im going on a wedding planning strike and ill be doing nothing from now on.

I totally get what you are going through and it seriously sucks!!

Post # 14
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

katelinnash:  sorry to break it to you, but this sounds totally normal. My fiancé has done nothing To help and while at first it made me angry, I now love it! It just gives me more opportunity to make this my dream wedding 😁. Also, i get more done. I already have 80% of our vendors booked and paid (deposits) and it’s coming along great. Its stressful, but great 😬 Best of luck!

Post # 15
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

katelinnash:  hey bee! Don’t worry too much about it. I think it is a bit normal for guys to be like this. 

Try not talking about the wedding for a week, plan something nice like a date night and do not mention the W word. Then maybe talk to him again next week and suggest having one or two hours a week where you sit down and discuss wedding stuff. Then you can plan stuff in between like get ideas and links to things, pin etc. He feels involved but you get to do most of it on your schedule.

This is what works well for me and Fiance. I think he just needed me to show him I hadn’t forgotten life outside of the wedding and he can still be involved in the decisions he likes. 

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