(Closed) I can't stand his sister.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Why are you staying in a relationship with SO much drama? I can’t even imagine dealing with this type of drama day in and day out and choosing to stay. Just walk away, there are plenty of good men out there who I’m sure have the qualities you love about your SO without all of this insanity!

Post # 48
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

DUMP him and his crazy family: Baby momma, daughter, and sister included. 

That being said, as for crazy sister advice, I had an ex with a crazy sister who, while on the couch NEXT to to me at a family event, posted a curse word filled rant about me and how I was “destroying her brother” and their “family” and how she hated me and wanted me gone to a message board her mom was also on, and the mom sent me a link to inform me that she did so. (Mom lived in different state and was not at the event, that’s a whole ‘nother crock of crap I won’t go into).

I read it, again, sitting RIGHT next to her on the couch, and was deathly silent and shaking the entire night until we left because if I opened my mouth I would have burst into tears. When we did leave, about 3 steps out of the house I did burst into tears and, after explaining what happened, my SO immediately went back inside and had a BIG argument with her and she apologized. I never forgave her and we didn’t speak up through me breaking up with him for unrelated reasons. She was and is a cow and even though she was a teenager, not 41 like your crazy Future Sister-In-Law, some people will always be crazy and you just have to wait for them to show their true colors to know. When someone shows you their true colors, believe them. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

If your SO is not willing to stand up for you, that’s the problem here, and you need to seriously consider whether you trust him to not go to her again with your personal problems, and whether it was fair for him to do so in the first place. That same relationship with the crazy sister ended for various reasons, but one of them was that he was sharing his skewed view of our personal issues with his friends and they all hated me, even though the information they received was false. Even the real true me couldn’t compete with his friends feeding lies back into his head based on their limited perception of the situation. 

Best of luck, bee.

Post # 49
1295 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

lolita1027:  If he think’s she is “nuts,” then he should not be confiding your personal issues with her. You really need to take this up with your SO, a lot of this lies on HIM. Any reasonable adult knows that bitching to someone about your SO could have less than ideal results, espically if all they do is complain. If I am pissed at Darling Husband for somethign he did or said, I consider what the long term resuslts could be if I immeditely go and bitch to my sister, friend, ect. 

Sidenote: if no one has ever held your SO accountable for his actions, therapy is going to be a big wake up call for him, and he may not take it well. It sounds like his sister may not take to accountability well either, so you may be in for a rough ride.

I don’t have a whole lot of advice on how to “fix” the current situation. The door has been opened, and his sister would prefer to bitch at you than talk to you like a human being. If she can’t say she is sorry for her actions, that is a red flag for future issues. If SO can’t or won’t stop talijg to her about your personal issues, the issue is with your SO, and I would leave over an issue like that. 

Post # 50
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Your Fiance and his sister have boundary issues. I would NEVER tell any of my siblings about the negative moments in my relationship and if they ever came to me about their SO, I’d probably tell them to talk to their SO about it. I would NEVER call their SO and run my mouth, but then again, none of them do crazy shit to warrant such a reaction.

My ex had a crazy sister who treated me like shit. After trying to make things better but getting nowhere, I ended up cutting her off. Eventually, he and I divorced. SO HAPPY I’ve never had to deal with her again.

Post # 51
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

So, your story continues to be drama drama drama.  Sure you don’t post about the good days, but NO ONE in a healthy relationship would have THIS MANY bad/drama-filled days.  There are such glaring red flags in almost every single one of your posts and yet you continue to stay.  You continue to say you are “working” on your relationship.  You continue to say that you have threatened to leave for good if the behavior keeps up.  But…you never follow through on that.  You may have given back the ring but it is obvious to me that you aren’t any closer to a healthy relationship.  You are almost 100% financially, legally, and emotionally supporting him.  What are you getting out of the relationship besides a hot dude and good sex?  Those are two superficial things that you have said you enjoy out of the relationship.  I fully believe you love this man, I really do believe that.  I also believe that you are absolutely kidding yourself that this can turn into a good, solid, healthy relationship.  Aren’t you tired?  Aren’t you sick of this?  Don’t you feel exhausted?

I say this because a relationship should be a support system both ways.  You had nothing to do with his ex and yet you are wrapped in this insane mess of a situation.  Yet…what do YOU get out of this?  Does he support you?  It definitely does not sound like it.  Not to mention the fact that from what you write on these boards it sounds like this is the biggest stress in your life.  Frankly when a relationship creates more stress in your life than you can handle, it’s the wrong relationship.  I’ve been there, so I get it.  I tried desperately to make my relationship work with my ex.  We had MANY problems that I thought we could fix, but it was never going to work.  I even had boards like this where I kept on coming back to for advice and the commenters told me it wasn’t a healthy relationship.  I came back over and over again, always talking about a new problem in our relationship.  I didn’t want to believe that they were right.  But you know what?  They WERE right.  They saw what was wrong with my relationship as much as I didn’t want to believe it.  We aren’t giving you “life coaching” to be mean, we genuinely see some significant issues in your relationship.

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