I can't stand my friend while she's pregnant and I feel awful for it

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 46
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t really have any advice, however, I had a friend like this (albeit not as bad as your friend) and she got a hell of a lot worse once the baby was here. It’s like she totally lost herself and her identity in being a mum and she has become a completely different person. She’s alienated herself from the rest of our friendship group, even from other friends who are also mums. She now has a whole group of new “mummy friends” who she spends her time with now, doing pretty much exclusively child related things. It’s sad but these things sometimes happen. 

Post # 47
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Ew!!! Usually those type of women are not the ones I am naturally drawn to. The friends I do have with kids, talk about their kids within normal circumstances but definitely not 24/7. I’m sorry but there’s more to life than kids. THERE IS.

And then moms wonder what happened to their identities and individuality. Hmmm 

Just so you know, you’ll have friends that will just grow apart from you once they have kids. And that’s okay. If she isn’t asking about you or your life or can’t even carry a normal conversation anymore, then what’s the point of calling her a “friend”. If it all revolves around her, what about your needs? 

This is a pet peeve of mine. I’ve seen the coolest gals turn into these people who can no longer do anything else except for kid related. That’s not healthy for them, their family or friends.

I don’t know if there’s a point to bringing it up to her. And like most other people said, it’ll probably get 100 times worse once the baby comes…. which you’ll eventually grow tired of and will probably distance yourself. 

Post # 48
Member
8056 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Laur12 :  If I were you I’d probably laugh in the moment when she says something really ridiculous (like the daddy wanting mac and cheese thing. barf) and if she got offended say “oh sorry I just thought you were making a joke”. She’ll either get the hint or get pissed but either way you’ll have a better idea of what’s to come.

For what it’s worth I’m 7 weeks pregnant after IVF too and I have to make a conscious effort to not talk about it all the time with the couple of friends that know. It’s hard though – I’m super excited that this finally happened AND they are close enough friends that when they ask how I feel I am always honest and lately I feel like garbage because the first trimester sucks. My friends either have or want babies too so if they bring it up first I don’t feel as bad. I’m annoying the crap out of my husband though by randomly going “omg honey guess what?!” and he’s like “yea…I know you’re pregnant, the novelty hasn’t worn off yet? lol”. He is a good sport about it at least. 

Post # 49
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Brook10 :  Think back to when you had something big an exciting going on in your life and it consumed all of your thoughts..

Ummm…no.

That’s just it, things can consume your thoughts, but your actions and words that you speak out loud, affect other people. So no. Nothing in my life has ever caused me to become obnoxious to my friends and act like my “thing” is the center of their world. It’s called being balanced, having consideration and reciprocating. The basic tenants of friendship, at least by my definition. 

And I do love babies and love when my close friends become pregnant. It is a huge transition and I except of course that alot of their talk will be about this HUGE undertaking. I’ll be here for an ear! But please don’t be a dick. 

I’d call her out, but that’s me. Cause if she’s bad now, after baby I’m sure will be way worse. 

Post # 50
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee

A great day in history?  This lady needs to get a grip. 

Post # 51
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Ohmigoodness, i literally JUST posted this on another thread lol… Just so you know, I can totally empathize with you too, OP!! My sister has been driving me INSANE, here is my other post (that also applies here) : 

 

I’m really sorry I can’t offer much advice, but what I can offer is empathy. My sister is expecting her first, and she recently stayed with me for a few weeks. She’s BARELY through her first trimester, and admittedly, I don’t know a WHOLE TON about pregnancy because I’ve never been pregnant, but literally ALL. SHE. TALKS. ABOUT is her pregnancy, how she’s tired, what the doctor said, what colors she would like to decorate a nursery once she learns the gender, how she’s sick, what she can and can’t do, and what she might not be able to do even after baby is born because of the recovery and on and on and ON. Now don’t get me wrong, I was (and still am) excited because hello, it’s my sister, and she’s the first of the family to be having a baby, but literally…. I’m very recently engaged (and no, I really don’t expect everything to revolve around me) but I tried talking to her about wedding details a few times, most of which she was VERY evidently uninterested in, and then we went looking at wedding shoes, she was bored halfway through and apparently “too tired” and then later she came with me for a dress trying on, and she was again, “tired” and acted massively uninterested, as if I were buying groceries after a a SUPER busy day or something. Yes, I understand your body goes through a lot of changes when you’re pregnant, but come on, she was hardly a few weeks at the time, and since she was with me, and I work, she was able to sleep/rest/do literally nothing for the entire day before we ever did anything out. Auughhhh… It was SO aggravating, and quite honestly hurtful. This is a really special time for me, she knows I’ve been waiting AGES for engagement/marriage, and not only that, but she is my maid of honor!! And she still couldn’t care less! So, OP, I think I can understand your lack of genuine excitement, (even though our situations are different) yes, it is a fact that some people will change with kids, but some also won’t, it’s still pretty early to be upset and thinking your friendship will be lost forever, maybe just try to ride it out and see how things go? Either way though, when you ‘lose’ someone to their pregnant life, it is really hard *hugs*

Post # 52
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I’m 26 weeks pregnant with baby #1. To be honest, while I AM excited, I’ve been a little less vocal than average about my pregnancy. I just have this weird hangup about people thinking they can know everything about/have an opinion on what’s going on inside my uterus. I even held off on telling Darling Husband for a day or two when I found out I was pregnant because I loved the idea of having a ‘little secret’. I will say though…I DO rub my tummy to the point where it can be a little awkward…I’m a little heavier and feel like I don’t ‘look’ definitively pregnant, so the belly rubs are code for ‘not a beer gut’ :-p

As for your friend, I’d give her a little bit of leeway. While it can be a little annoying to hear excessive pregnancy talk (I heard a LOT of it from others before I got pregnant…which I will admit gets a little old), I’m sure she doesn’t mean to be obnoxious. Just be patient with her 🙂

Post # 53
Member
5264 posts
Bee Keeper

Laur12 :  She sounds annoying and I’m a pregnant person saying this. When I got pregnant I vowed never to be one of those people that talks constantly about it just like I vowed to never be a Bridezilla when I got married. Granted not many people know about my pregancy yet but when they do it will most definetly not be all I talk about thats for sure! I would rather talk less about it to be honest so as not to hear anyones unwarranted opinions LOL

Post # 54
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Oh my goodness!! Your friend has lost her mind! It honestly won’t get better. Once the baby is born it’ll be “omg, baby just had a diaper blowout – so gross!” and “aww, baby smiled for the first time today” and on and on and on.

Being a mom that had babies before most of my friends, it was actually really hard. I felt like I didn’t fit in anymore and that they didn’t understand or even try to understand how my life had so dramatically changed. They would plan game nights starting at 7:30pm when I had to put my daughter down at 8pm. She would refuse to sleep anywhere but in her crib, so this meant I could no longer participate in game nights, book club nights, etc. They were clueless and unwilling to change timing, which is fine, but it just meant that I couldn’t participate anymore and grew away from them. I grew towards other friends who had kids because they got it and understood and we could plan things around naps and bed times and whatnot.

That being said, the level to which your friend is going on and on about it is insane! The constant talk about the baby is totally obnoxious and I’d be upset if I were you, too. And the daddy thing…that is weird. I referred to my ex husband as daddy ONLY when speaking to my daughter about her father. Otherwise, he was called by his name. LOL! I would’ve had a hard time not making a grossed out face when she made the mac ‘n cheese comment.

Post # 55
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

She sounds like a pain in the ass. The pregnant women rubbing their bellies always used to annoy me too but I unfortunately must confess that at 24 weeks I do it too. My skin is starting to get pretty tight and that makes me feel like I have a thousand flea bites and it’s really sore! Scratching it hurts because the skin is tight and sore so rubbing is the bests option. I try to avoid it in public as I know it’s annoying but sometimes it can’t be helped! But it’s not something you need to do all the time as no one is itchy 24/7! The rest of it though just no! The Mac and cheese made me laugh! I refer to Darling Husband as daddy for our dog (we are mummy and daddy with him) but only when talking to the dog like “go and see daddy he has a treat for you” I can’t imagine using it in place of his name in a conversation with humans! She sounds like a nightmare

Post # 56
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

“Does daddy want mac and cheese”– No. Just… no.

You know the sad thing is I would almost be concerned at her selfishness is going to lead to a heavy downer when the baby actually arrives. When the attention is completely on the baby and the baby is the demanding needy newborn that all newborns are… she’s not going to handle that well if she’s this off her grip on reality. Excitement is normal and expected. This is heavily self-absorbed behavior that is eclipsing the fact that there is going to be another human being coming into her world. A human being I might add, that is going to be totally 100% dependent on her and won’t give a rip about her wants or needs.

Post # 57
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Laur12 :  Not normal. and selfish on her part. Part of being a friend is having an interest in what is going on in your friend’s life. It would be just as annoying if she only talked about a wedding, or a hobby ect. Just my 2 cents. I’ve known a lot of pregnant friends and while we did talk a lot about baby stuff there was a healthy amount of other stuff too. 

 

Post # 58
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Pregnancy is a super exciting time and no doubt she is bursting with joy after struggling so just let her talk about the baby as much as she wants.  To someone else.  If I was you I would have stopped communication long ago. And I say this as a mom of 2 with previous fertility struggles.  No one cares nearly as much as about your preganacy as you do, maybe the dad and grandparents, but seriously no one else cares enough to hear all this “daddy” and heart burn crap without any indication that she cares about what’s going on with you.  I hope she’s not a annoying new mom too but I wouldn’t stick around to find out.  Good for you for lasting 7 months with her. 

Post # 59
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That is annoying and I’m 9 months pregnant. When my friend was pregnant a couple of years ago – she did the same things. It was annoying. She would insert it into every convo – like one time I asked her how she was and she started talking about that nose aspirator thing – where you suck snot. She alienated a lot of friends. Afterwards, she didn’t have time for anyone. Now she posts a ton of potty training photos and what not. 

I don’t constantly bring up my pregnancy and usually only talk about it when others ask me questions, etc. I can still hold normal conversations. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors