(Closed) I can't stand my friend's boyfriend :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Unfortunate. No best friend should be with someone that doesn’t get along with her bestie!

You’re in a tough spot, and unfortunately, you can’t really do anything. Just grin and bear it (if you have already told her how he makes you feel) and be there for her when he breaks her heart or she gets preggo or whatever.

She is probably leaning more on him because A) her mom passed and B) you’re getting married… and she probably feels like he is all she has (and from the sounds of the guy she dated before and is STILL friends with, she doesn’t have a lot of confidence… maybe she thinks he’s the best she can do?)

I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Just stop hanging out with him. Theyre not Siamese twins, she can go out and do friend stuff without him. 

Post # 6
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t do anything.You have said what you needed to say. It is possible A is still going through the grieving process and could have low self esteem. Just be there for your friend. That is all you can do. Try to build her up so she is happy in herself to make good choices.

Post # 7
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know… this is a tough one.  I have one best friend, and we’ve been friends since 5th grade and I’m 30…so take this as a grain of salt.  I would straight up pull an intervention on her ass if she did something dumb like this.  I would not let her laugh or tiptoe the subject, it would be on.  But… that’s the relationship we have.  She’s more like a sister to me, and she’s the one person I know I can overstep my bounds with if I need to.

IF you are not the only one that feels this way about her man, I think it would be of disservice to let this continue without voicing your opinions… although in this case I think you have to tread carefully about possibly losing a friendship. 

Or just say you’re done hanging out with him because you don’t like how the guy treats you.  As her being a friend to you, that should be one hell of a wake up call.  I would dump a guy over that honestly if they did that to my friend!  My husband treats my friend like a sister, and I am so thankful for that.

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel for you. I CANNOT stand my MOHs Fiance. He was, and still is, very emotionally and verbally abusive to my bestie. I used to try to get her to leave him but then they had a child. Now I just support her and try to make the best of it until she is ready to leave. Stick by your friend, she’ll need you when he finds something better (sad but true). Hugs to you and A!!

Post # 9
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

@acciotoni:  tell her no, you just want girl time. 

Post # 12
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@acciotoni:  What in the shit??  Well at the very least, I would just say that you don’t like how he treats you.  You can at least stand up for yourself.  They sound very… different lol.

Post # 13
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My best friend’s fiance hates me and our other friend for no reason. It started out the same way where we would all hang out and he would just be rude and act like we were treating him like a third wheel even though we tried to include him. She ended up cheating on him and when he found a year later, it was mine and my other friend’s fault for not telling him. Things have gotten better and since she is my Maid/Matron of Honor I know I have to invite him to the wedding. If I were you I’d have a serious conversation about what you want from your friend. Be honest. If you don’t want him there, tell her. If you feel comfortable enough the three of you should sit down together and work it out, find out why he acts like he does. Maybe he is shy or just is like that. You can’t decide who she is with but you can control the part of it where it effects your life. 

Post # 15
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Have you tried confronting the boyfriend? Next time he treats you poorly call him on it. Be direct and assertive. “(Name), have I done something to offend you? I feel like you are angry with me and I’d like to know if I have done something to hurt you.” He’ll probably be so shocked he won’t say anything. If she won’t leave him behind and she validates his shitty behavior then call him on it the next time he does it. Just use “I” statements and avoid laying blame. 

Post # 16
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in the exact same position right now. A family member of mine is dating a total moron. =/

All you can do it watch it go down in flames, otherwise you become the bad guy. It sucks big time.

What I think I may do though, is to help her build up her self-esteem and self-worth by hanging out more.  That way maybe she can build up the strength to leave him.

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