(Closed) I can't stand my friend's boyfriend :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
27 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

This maybe an unwelcome suggestion, but maybe you should talk to the bf directly about his behavior. Call him out? Your friend seems like she just is super non-confrontational and it will land on you to stand up against his behavior.

Post # 18
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My best friend’s husband can’t stand me! There is absolutly no reason he shouldn’t like me because I have done so much for her and their relationship.  I learned that just because she is my best doesn’t mean I have to get along with him.  I am always nice to him and speak to him when we around each other (even though he makes no effort and ignores me as well).   Focus on your friend, be happy for her and just take joy in the fact that you don’t have to be around him all the time.  What helps me is to hang out with her just us, She is very in love with him and brings him around on “girl’s night” a lot.  So what I do is ask about his work schedule then a few days later be like “hey are you free Thursday night?” she’lll usually say yes because her Darling Husband is working I reply “O I completly forgot! It works out great for a girls night!”  Or if I don’t know his schedule I’ll be very specific “hey lets go out to dinner just us, for a girls night, I need to complain about my man! lol When are you free?” I stood up as her Maid/Matron of Honor at their wedding and I love there daughter as if she were my neice.  I do all this because I love my friend and she is a sister to me.  I will not let her stupid DH get in the way of our friendship.  I will admit that sometimes think it will be better if they divorce because he has no drive and doesn’t make the best decsions but I keep those thoughts to myself,  I will be there for her no matter and will be happy with any decsion she makes in her life because that is all I can do, I won’t get in the way of her happiness just because him and I do not get along.

Post # 19
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dated a jerk like that once! He treated ALL of my friends like crap, and I laughed it off. He wouldn’t even let me hang out with them alone, because he was paranoid that they weould convince me to leave him! So I had to bring him everywhere… Long story short, all of my friends disappeared and he started knocking the daylights out of me!

I did eventually get away, but let me tell you–until she starts expressing doubts about the relationship, don’t say anything. She won’t even hear it! But if she ever says “I don’t know about him” or “Do you think we’re right for eachother?” That’s your opening! That’s when she’ll hear you if you say “I don’t know. You just don’t seem as happy with him as you did before him”

Post # 20
982 posts
Busy bee

@acciotoni:  he sounds the finest quality of douchebag. My sister recently went through this, she was so excited to meet her best friend’s boyfriend, and he was a complete d**k. Her friend is such a bright, beautiful extrovert, and what hurt my sister the most was seeing her friend fade away into the shadows by this domineering, big noting, asshole. She asked me what to do, and my advice was: nothing. You can’t pick your friend’s partners. My friend was once engaged to this idiot who would drive around checking up on us when we were together, he also cheated on her. But what could I do? I could say something but risk the friendship – luckily she came to her senses on her own. But had I said something, it would have created distance between us, and she would have felt that she couldn’t confide in me without judgement, I didn’t want that. Good or bad, I wanted to be there for her.

in the case of my sister and her friend, all she ended up saying to her was ‘I just want you to be happy, and it felt like he was trying to outshine you’. She didn’t bag the guy. Although she would have been justified in doing so, my sister told me all about this guy and I wished I had’ve met him too – if only to pull him up on his behaviour.

Could you try maybe asking the jerk yourself what his problem is? Straight out. When he makes snide remarks or ignores you, you can say ‘really, what is your issue with me? Have I done something to upset you? I’d really like to get along with you’. If A won’t bring up your concerns to him, you should. He probably won’t expect you to confront him over it. You don’t have to love him, just tolerate him as best you can. But definitely call an end to him tagging along to your catch ups. Unless – is he possessive? Tell A you want to catch up with her ALONE – make it a girl’s day. I find it hard to believe she can’t see how he treats you, yet still brings him along. try for the alone catch up, and see what she says.

It’s a crappy situation for sure, hopefully she will come to her senses, but until then, you can’t do much but minimise your time around him. 

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