(Closed) I can't stand this crap anymore.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
288 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry for laughing but I think it’s hilarious that the only thing you really do care about (cake) you can’t have it your way.


They probably just arent used to brides who really don’t care one way or the other. In regards to the cake, I would lie.


I hope it gets better for you

Post # 4
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m sorry. I didn’t really want a wedding either but then I got “biten by the wedding bug” Regardless –  there are still days I can’t stand it and I think my in-laws freaked out when I told them it was going to be SMALL (less than 50 people.) I actually made Save the dates for essentially one person because she said “It’s not really happening until I have something in my hand!” I did order more than one STD but they are still in my closet because I just don’t care to send them…  Which is silly and ridiculous I know but I don’t care.

I am having the EXACT SAME PROBLEM WITH MY CAKE. I too want 3 tiers (I COULD CARE LESS HOW MUCH IT COST) and they won’t do it unless I confirm more people. Seriously? They showed me “what they could do” cake-design wise and I picked the one on the page I liked… “Oh no, we can’t do that for your wedding.” I even said, oh it’s okay, I’ll pay the difference. Nope. Pshhh. Ugh.

As far as the music goes, search that on here. Several ladies have posted their wedding play lists 🙂

I hope your wedding is fabulous and the stress side calms down a bit.

Post # 5
288 posts
Helper bee

I dont understand why a baker would care how many RSVPs you have as long as you’re willing to pay for the cake.

Post # 6
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Jer72:  You would think so…however I have had the same problem.

Post # 8
5592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Umm… I’m sorry you’re stressed. 

1) photographer – you’re probably late enough in the game that you don’t have as much choice as the list says.  I’d send a mass email to all of them asking if they’re even available on your date, and then only even bother looking into the ones that are. 

2) Music – if you really don’t care, just go standard.  I used Pachabel’s canon for the processional (mothers, bridesmaids, and mysef) and just told them to start it and stop it when I got there.  finale from water music for the recessional.  Just start it when you leave, and let it play.  Done. Easy.

3) Guest list – if you’re fine with paying for 50 just give her all the names of the people you invited, minus the people that have for sure said they’re not coming.  Hopefully you at least have that easily available.

4) cake – why are you so set on taking some home?  Of all the things you care about, that seems like an odd sticking point?  Lots of times you can get a bakery to recreate the top tier later if you want it for your anniversary and fresh cake is much better than old stale frozen.  If you just want to eat cake… order yourself a second one from another bakery and have it delivered to your honeymoon hotel.  Probably cheaper than wedding cake premium anyway.

ETA; for the cake, I really don’t understand why they’re even denying you this.  You’d think they’d be happy to upsell somebody who just wants a certain “look”, and wanting to save a layer is not an uncommon concept.  How silly.

Edited again: if you want someone to look at your photographer list, feel free to PM it to me.  I never get tired of checking out photographer websites, and like to think I have a decent eye (or at least can weed out the total crap for you)

Post # 9
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, this sucks! I don’t blame you for hating all of this. I put together  a small wedding (8 of us total) in the Bahamas in July and a small “at-home” party in August. I was SO glad when it was all over! I’m not much of a wedding person either and I don’t know how so many women get obsessed by weddings and all the details. I don’t know how you can make this easier. This yacht thing sounds like it’s turned into a nightmare. Is there any way to discuss their behavior with a consumer advocate agency? Maybe someone else in the family should just take over. I’d be ready to elope at this rate. Good luck and hang in there! It’s all about the marriage, not the wedding.


Post # 10
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012


Ok…I’m getting married the day before you and I can understand your stress (getting married in a foreign country where they only want to talk to me via email)  but honestly just take a breather and get yourself under control here because if you don’t you will regret being a bridezilla on game day.

Planning a wedding is full of this kind of stuff, unfortunately it’s unavoidable because you can’t control people. 

Post # 11
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t have any advice, but oh god, I feel like I’m looking into the future.  I also live in Japan, am marrying a Japanese man (though we’re not “officially” engaged yet because he wants to ask my parents’ permission first, but we have to submit paperwork stating our intended wedding date by the end of this month for me to be eligible to transfer in July to the city he just moved to.  It’s already a mess), and am hoping for a wedding I can just throw money at and have someone else make it perfect.

Hang in there.  I hope things work out.

Post # 14
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015


I feel exactly the way you do – love the username, btw!

Difference is, I’ve refused point blank to spend the money.  My Fiance and myself just don’t have it to spend, and are unlikely to, without getting into debt.  I’ve told my Fiance there is no way I’m getting into debt for one day!

Future Mother-In-Law told me when we first got engaged that she wouldn’t mind if we eloped.  We are both in our early 40s, frankly I think the whole big shebang is a bit too much at our age. 

Fiance orginially wanted the big family do – which would be 100% his family – but the reality of how much it would cost seems to be slowly changing his mind. 

I’ve been married twice before, and both times I couldn’t have cared less about the wedding.  I let my late ex Mother-In-Law plan the last one, even down to choosing my bouquet, that’s how little I cared.   Not every woman does. 

Post # 16
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, I can’t believe they’re being so difficult. I can understand your planner wanting to know what it is you want (even if you say you don’t care, because she might take that as “I don’t know yet”), and she’s probably not used to anyone not caring. The other stuff, though…why would they tell you they’ll take care of something and then make you do it instead? That’s ridiculous. Why the hell do they care about exactly how many people are going to be there and their names? You’re willing to pay for x people, or x cake, they should be HAPPY about that!

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