(Closed) I can’t stop fighting with my soon to be husband…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

What are you fighting about? 

Post # 4
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

just now having this problem so close to the wedding? i’d say it’s stress making you both short tempered.

Post # 5
Member
2088 posts
Buzzing bee

Are you fighting about silly little things, or about actual relationship issues? If it’s just stupid stuff that you fight about, I’m gunna say it’s just pre-wedding stress. If it’s actual issues and problems, then more likely one (or both) of you is going through something big that should really be addressed and resolved before the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
11377 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

If everything has been fine & dandy before wedding planning I would say its bad wedding planning stress! Take a weekend or hell even a week break from planning. Do stuff together to relax & get everything wedding related off your minds!

Post # 11
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm. Well, here’s what I’m getting from your comments. (Brace yourself – I’m going to be honest here.)

1. Your Fiance is stressed about his work, and possibly also concerned because you are not working. I don’t know how your money situation is, but I know for most couples, having one person not work can be a major financial sressor.

2. You don’t want to listen to him talk about his work stress, but you think it’s okay for you to call him at work about something minor like scratching your rim on your car. That is not really the type of thing I would deem worthy of interrupting my partner’s work for. Either way, why would you expect him to be sympathetic and want to listen to your problem, when you don’t want to listen to him talk about his work troubles?

3. You threw a dish on the floor during your argument. That signals trouble to me.

4. You’ve talked to your Fiance about calling it off. That signals more trouble.

I don’t exactly know what is the right thing for you to do, but I would suggest that you take a long, hard look at the things you and your fiance are both doing, and perhaps seek out some counseling for both of you.

Post # 12
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@jsmnrcksn: I mean this politely, but I think you’re overreacting.  your fiance is apparently having a really hard time at work and a mercedes rim is not the end of the world.  let him vent, be there for him. you throwing dishes and yelling is only feeding the fire.  have a quiet night with a movie and don’t put huge expectations on every evening. I’d also suggest you find a girlfriend or parent to call with little troubles. 

while I totally understand having a crummy day and needing to call your SO about it, if he’s in a rut, he might not be able to handle your stress, too.  

Post # 14
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Ditto to Bookworm and Bubu.

I’d like to add that it isn’t uncommon for women who stay at home (for whatever reason) to want to sit down and catch up with their SO after work. They’ve been at home or running errands, doing whatever, and finally you have someone to talk to. In this case, you’ve made a lovely dinner and want to share it with him. As noted, work is stressful for him. I can almost guarantee that he needs and wants you to be loving and supportive when he’s home. If he needs to talk, have a heart to listen. Love him. I’ve seen a couple in a similar spot…the man would come home for work and felt beat up (or beat down, rather), and simply wanted the love and support of someone who had his back. Instead, he was greeted with the opposite, or moodiness, or “hey this has to be paid, why didn’t you pay it like you said you would!?” Little things like that can chip away at the foundation of a relationship. 

These issues are not worth potentially damaging your relationship. Use them as opportunities to establish loving and productive patterns of behavior. Ask yourself, what does he need? What can I do to bless him? And, finally, don’t expect perfection from him! He thanked you for dinner, but is stressed, perhaps is having a hard time shaking it off (it’s tough for me to do that). Endeavor to understand him, love him, and be there for him. And if you can’t stop fighting, grab a childhood photo of him and set it somewhere you’ll see it often. Don’t hurt that small boy. Your guy may be “grown up,” but he’s still vulnerable and needs to be showered with love, built up, and reminded how awesome he is. You can control your mind, actions, and love…don’t wait for him to meet your demands or the “prerequisite” that deems him lovable. He is your husband to be — isn’t he worth all the love, patience, and forgiveness in the world? 

Married or not, wedding or not, stress just never goes away! Best learn to handle it today instead of tomorrow. 

Post # 15
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@HEB: I agree.

He is probably stressed out from going from two incomes to one. (Believe me. I am in this situation now) The last thing he probably wants to hear is how you scratched your rim, which isn’t really a big deal.
I think you are overreacting a little. He did say thank you for the dinner, but the man is stressed out. It’s not easy to leave work at home. It would be nice, but it’s not possible sometimes.

Instead of getting defensive that he’s not leaving it a work or talking about your dinner the rest of the night, listen to him. Don’t call him at work for minor things. It’s not even worth the arguments.

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