Like the pp said I think this is definitley due to the changes of financial strain…. Especially with a wedding to pay for… sigh
As for the rim issue… I can tell you just from talks with my Darling Husband is that this is probably how his head went when he heard and then how he reacted…..
thought: Now I can add that to his things of needing to get fixed.. oh wait I need money to do that… oh wait we’re on only my income and it already doesn’t seem like enough…. ARRRGHHH
response: I can’t think about that right now…
Our guys want to be able to provide sufficiently and have nice things and things fixed and in order… I’m sure that just like you it’s stressed him, but from another persepective and “angle”
As for his work… you just need to keep affirming him.
My Darling Husband has a laborous outdoor carpentry job and down here in South Texas right now it’s 100+ degrees daily… He’s got 20+ years age difference between him and his co-workers, he just got married whereas all of them are divorced, and we’re Christians so they’ve made known how much they don’t like his pick for his days radio station…. Definitely could become a strain at home if I didn’t active try for it not to….
Here’s what I’ve done…
1. At first he was coming home with dinner ready and prepared….
What happened was he’d come in “long-faced”, dirty, and tired and after greeting me, giving me a hug, he’d said.. I’ma go get cleaned….. almost an HOUR later he’d be ready to sit down and eat….
pffttt.. not gonna lie this did bother me…
How I fixed it…… I now generally have dinner cooking (if a baked dish) when he gets home and while he showers I’ll usually head up with him and chat with him while he’s showering… That way he can de-compress while getting refreshed and then when he comes done for dinner we aren’t talking “work”
2. Having bad or stressful days…
I’m constantly one to try and find something encouraging about a situation… (learned the hard way about squashing his spirit)… Now no matter what the day has brought I always make sure my responses are about how he’s excelling, how he’s just going to get better/ get a raise/ feel like what he’s doing is worth more, how his co-workers are just having their own issues and it’s not his, how we don’t need to worry about how/when somethings going to get paid… we’ll “worry” it when the day comes, etc
This has REALLY helped.
3. Have a real in depth convo about the plan on how to alleviate the financial strain…
This doesn’t neccesarily mean you go back to work… but what things can be cut so that it’s not so much of a burden. What are some ways you can help so that it’s not totally on his shoulders?..
I know for us.. Darling Husband is the very primarily income but I pay all the bills… so in essence we share the stress. He’s thought is “ok.. how do I make enough” and my thought is “okay how do I get everything all paid with what we have”
Sharing it had really helped us both stay encouraging to one anothers position and that it’s not all on me or him alone.
Also, I think that getting some resources on good communication skills would benefit both of you…. how each of you is responsible for your own behavior and regardless of how he acts/reacts you have the opportunity to either inflate the issue or deflate the issue.
I was in a verbally abusive relationship so I understand being yelled out… but also know that yelling back is and has never been an affective tool in getting the problem to stop or the issue to go away.
A few resources that I would suggest are:
1. Preparing for Marriage – Atleast the first 2 worksheets to get some good open communication for a good foundation.
2. Love & Respect – You read the 1 part, Respect portion, and last part…
3. The Love List – Simple things that we forget that can make a world of difference