- 7 months ago
As long as this post will be, please note I cant list everything that shes done so theres even more than what I’m going to write. I used to really like my Future Mother-In-Law. She seemed a little clingy to her son but he had just moved from his small town to my city an hour away so while annoyed at times, I understood her desire to see him. So we get to “that” stage of the relationship where we know proposal is coming, we have the talk about time line, etc just so we’re on the same page. During a visit to his parents in August 2018 he mentions passively that we were moving in that direction. He gave no specifics, it was just a casual mention. Within days, his mom has told people we’re getting married, talked to people about venues, tasted cake, and much more. She tried to have me try on her dress. This type of behavior continues for weeks as I tell her that I do not want to discuss planning as I’m not even engaged. It took my now fiance stepping in to get her to stop. But then she cries, plays the attention seeking game. Note this is all under the appearance of a sweet little church lady so it’s easy to feel sorry for her (or was, now I have no sympathy). I’ll spare you the rest of those details to get to my main point: I’ve always looked forward to a proposal more than the wedding. That probably sounds strange or vain but my reasoning is that planning a wedding has always felt like a headache as I have a strained relationship with my dad so dealing with the debate of who walks me down the aisle, daddy dance, etc, etc. And the fact my family are alcoholic rednecks just made me never want a wedding. To me, eloping sounded nice. The proposal felt like a moment where the guy I love tells me he wants to dedicate his life to me and vice versa, the wedding a formality.
So after my fiance confronted her, we talked and I told him I needed the rest of this process to be about us, not me, him, and her(between Dealing with her meddling, her tears, her feelings, it was a nightmare). I wanted the proposal to be a secret and I wanted the custom ring he designed for me to land on my eyes first. Long story short, she cornered him after yet another time of her being told to back off. She was crying (note my fiance is very gentle, doesnt cuss, so it’s not like he even yelled at her), he had just got the ring and she convinced him to show her the ring as a way to make up for her being uninvolved (umm ok??). That about did it for me. We had a huge blow up over that when I found out. I never thought I’d be this psycho but how psycho was I you may ask? I had him return the ring and get a different one. I told him I’d look at that ring and see a broken promise, that he chose her feelings over mine. It doesnt help that at the time my hormones were out of balance. I’ll spare further details of this segment and skip to the proposal in December. So the original plan was not to have to talk about the proposal / his mom’s over involvement every freaking week leading up to the proposal. I wasnt supposed to know when it was or when he got the ring (we’d talked earlier in the relationship about how if he had a ring that meant proposal would be super close) but I ended up knowing and dealing with all of this. There was no joy / excitement. I was happy of course when he proposed but it felt like a moot point by that time.
Our wedding is in June and I’d need another novel long post to tell you about the post engagement battles with his mom or her half-baked apologies where she basically says “I’m sorry but I’m right and you’re wrong.” But that’s not the point. I like her as a person (overall), I hate her as a Mother-In-Law. Shes nice and helpful over all to her family, friends, church. But I learned shes sweet as can be only when shes doing things the way she wants them done. And I could have gotten passed her overbearing attitude if it had popped up after the proposal but I literally feel like I was robbed of the joy of a proposal. I dont care about a wedding, I’m doing that for my fiance. And she could have planned it all and I wouldn’t have cared if she hadn’t ruined my proposal. I have a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ve had to let go of the situation for the sake of my relationship and sanity and there are days I get along with her fine. But then I think of the hollow feeling I had during the proposal and the way she dared cry and try to manipulate my fiance and I want to break her face. I’ve literally half heartedly suggest that my fiance repropose to me so that I’d be blindsided and surprised as I should have been the first time (who expects a 2nd proposal). Of course I’m joking when I tell him that but part of me isnt joking. Anyway, I cant let go of my hatred toward her. One moment I think shes a decent person. But then I remember not only how she ruined my engagement but all of those times she halfway apologized or how she’d cry because we needed her to back off. Well, you all probably think I’m crazy but I needed to vent this somewhere.