- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Yeah, I’m staying anonymous for this one but I am a fairly (not super a lot but a bit) regular poster here on the Bee. I’ve been married one month to a man that I deeply love and have been with for over 5 years, we’re actually leaving for our honeymoon in 3 days. But there’s this problem that I haven’t even dared speak out loud for fear of what could happen. I feel horrible about it and I need some prospective from other bees.
There’s this guy. He’s not really even an ex, but sort of is, and I can’t stop thinking about him. I met him 7 years ago, and we had a casual relationship (really really good friends who slept together, not a booty-call, not friends with benefits…) for two years before I met my husband. I always wanted to have a serious thing with him because we were so perfect for each other, same interests and such, but it never worked out, he wouldn’t be in a place for a relationship, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, etc. etc.
When I met my current husband I asked this guy straight out if he wanted to give it a try because I met this great guy and I could see things getting serious, and he said no and was happy for me. Fast forward six months and I’m happily dating my husband when I get a new job at the same place as this guy. We had stayed in contact during this time, sharing jokes and stuff but no in-person contact (I kind of went AWOL when I my husband and I started dating). When we started working together we started talking every day and hanging out again, going out for drinks and he would ask me girl advice and such. I was fine with just the friendship. He pretty much became my best friend and I always joked with my husband that I saw him as a girlfriend with balls.
One night we were hanging out and he dropped the bomb on me that he had fallen in love with me and now saw how perfect we were together after talking on a daily basis and hanging out just as friends. I did not share the same feelings, I was (and AM) happy with my then-boyfriend-now-husband. I told him this and he said he’d get over it and it would be fine. That didn’t work too well and it basically led to the end of our friendship. Then, about two years ago, my husband and I were going through a bit of a rough spot. One drunken night I texted this guy and told him I missed hanging out with him. Of course this lead to us talking again and hanging out again…and to him telling me that he was still in love with me and made me re-think my relationship with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, it did get a bit out of hand with a make-out session (fully disclosed to now-husband) but I came to my senses and again stopped talking to this guy. My then-boyfriend-now-husband and I worked though the issues we were having and six months later he proposed.
Now I’m married, and just got offered a position at a different company. For some reason (I’m guessing because I won’t see him on a daily basis anymore) this is bringing up a million old feelings I had for this guy and I cannot stop thinking about what it would be like if we had gone through with a relationship. I don’t want to be thinking these thoughts. I’m happily married. I cannot get him out of my head and I don’t know what to do.
Is there anyone out there that can offer some advice. Do I talk to him about it? Do I talk to my husband (who was in support of our friendship but after the make-out thing is a bit put-off by the guy, and a bit touchy/defensive if I say anything about him)?