Post # 1
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Hi Everyone,
So my partner and I have been friends for 14 years. When we started dating just over 3 years ago we agreed that if we didn’t see this being a forever thing by the 1 year mark we would break up in order to save us (and our group of mutual friends) the drama that can come associated with a breakup. Obviously that didn’t happen and we are very happily still together and now living together as of a year ago. We have bought a car together, are talking about buying a house next year, we talk about when we are married and having kids all the time. On valentines day last year we sat and talked about timeline. I let him know that I would really like to be married before I’m 30 and he said “ok so we should be engaged when you are 27”. Maybe we should have talked further but I didn’t want to be pushy so we kind of left it at 27.
I turned 27 a couple of months ago and now I am in constant “is it now??!?!?!?!” mode. For my birthday he had this big surprise planned and was acting very strange so I thought “he’s going to propose!”. He didn’t, but he did tell me that he is taking me to disneyworld. Fast forward to now and it is a week before our trip and I can’t help but think it’s going to happen but I don’t want to ruin the trip by constantly being on edge.
Here is a little extra context for you:
When my partner heard how my brother proposed to his now wife he basically said “well I’ll have to do something even bigger”. My brother took his then girlfriend on a trip through europe for her birthday and when they were staying in a castle on the Rhine river proposed. It was romantic and very fitting to my brother and his wife’s over the top personalities.
I honestly don’t care if we have the biggest most romantic engagement ever, but because he feels we should I can’t help but think that there is no way, with everything we are saving for, that we will be able to afford the engagement he wants if he doesn’t do it on this trip. I’ve told him I don’t mind if we did something smaller for an engagement but he says “you deserve the best”. I just really don’t want to be dissappointed if it doesn’t happen because I really feel like if it doesn’t it isn’t going to happen for years. While I don’t care about a big engagement, I do really care about the timeline of being married before 30.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for…
perspective…
advice…
reassurance that I’m not crazy for thinking it might happen….
Any insight would be reaslly appreciated.
Post # 2
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
Instead of speculating to Internet strangers who know nothing about your situation, have an open, direct talk with your partner. You’re not being “pushy” for making sure the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is still on the same page. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship, don’t let that love turn into resentment because you put your future into someone else’s hands. Just ask him, “Hey, do you still want to be engaged by the time I’m 27? What really matters to me is that I’m married by 30. Let me know if your thoughts change.”
I also think it’s really important that you pick out the ring together, you can still have your big fancy surprise proposal after the fact. But that’s just me.
Post # 3
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree with PP, if you haven’t talked about it at all since the “when you’re 27” talk, then that’s where you need to start. You’re not pushy to bring up timelines. It’s getting the both of you on the same page. Have a conversation with your SO, and see what they say. At least you will go into the trip and know whether or not it will happen. Personally, no, I don’t think that you will be proposed to on this trip. I feel like they have not even considered it yet.
Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Sunshine024 :
Sorry I guess I missed out on some information. We have talked about it in that we have confirmed the timeline since then. He has asked what kind fo rings I like (So have my mom and aunt who rarely ask me about jewlery). We also continue to talk consistently about the future and how after we get married we want kids in a few years but not right away. We have talked about a location I would like to get married in and he said “oh they book up fast so we will need to book it far out”. It just never cements into a serious conversation. I guess I probably just need to buck-up and next time he mentions it ask seriously if he still agrees with the timeline.
Post # 5
Member
1139 posts
Bumble bee
I would wait and see what happens on your Disney trip, since you seem to have a pretty strong gut feeling that this will be it. Don’t get yourself too worked up or excited (hard, I know) and enjoy yourself no matter what. Disney is amazing. 😊
If he doesn’t propose next week, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to sit down with him after you get home to tell him what your thoughts were as to the proposal happening on the trip and that you’re now somewhat disappointed, confused, and wondering if his timeline is still the same, as you’re now 27.
Post # 6
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
bouviebee : Totally agree with this recommendation. Definitely WAIT and go on the trip. If you bring it up with him now, he may confess to having a proposal planned, and it’ll ruin the surprise!
But try not to think about it too much – just enjoy yourself and the “will he/wont he?” stage! Have a wonderful vacation. It sounds like you are both on the same page in terms of a timeline, so be patient 🙂
Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee
I can’t provide any insight, but I just wanted to wish you luck, and wish you both happiness!
Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Update:
He actually did end up proposing on our vacation. It was lovely and I was glad for the advice given here to just let it happen. Thanks everyone!
Post # 9
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
singingbee92 : Congratulations!! Let’s see the ring!!
Post # 10
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Here it is! I love it and he was obviously very attentive to my answers about jewlery preferences over the past couple years 🙂
Post # 11
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
I absolutely love your ring bee, congratulations! singingbee92 :
Post # 12
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
singingbee92 : Its beautiful!! Congratulations!!
Post # 13
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
Gorgeous! Congratulations!
Member