(Closed) I cant take care of my mom anymore

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She smokes pot and owns a car? Those are luxuries, not necessities.


I would not help your mother until she helps herself. You’d be surprised how adaptable people are when they learn they can’t manipulate you anymore.

Post # 4
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

This breaks my heart. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but I think some tough love is in order. SHE is an adult and you are not obligated to provide for anybody besides your husband and your child. It is disgusting how she manipulates you and I think the only way out of this game is for you to put your foot down and say NO. It will be hard, but don’t accept phone calls from her anymore, don’t give her money, don’t do anything for her. I know it’s difficult to ignore her because you love her, but she clearly is taking you and your family for granted. Best of luck

Post # 5
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

you are not reposible for your mom and you shouldnt have to expose your family and child to her drug use and flakiness. 

when i hear/meet people like you i applaude you for the way you turned out despite your mom not because of her – she has stolen from you, lied to you and has continually manipulated you with her own selfishness. your priority is your family so do not feel guilty about that

Post # 6
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@eloping: ditto!

Post # 7
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You sound like such a giving, caring person, despite coming from what sounds like a very chaotic childhood. 

As much as you’re always going to love and care for your mom, sometimes the best way to show your love is by not enabling her harmful behaviour. It’s true when they say that tough love is the hardest on the giver. 

Good luck, and big hugs, it must be so touch to be in your situation right now. 

Post # 8
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can understand your feeling guilty. I would too. BUT the absolute best thing you can do for your mom right now is to not help. She really needs to hit bottom. Maybe then she will take stock of her life and change. I know this is tough but really this IS love. Do nothing. If she calls just tell her she needs to get help to kick the drug habit. That you love her and will be praying for her but you are done enabling her then hang up. Don’t engage her in conversation. Everytime she calls become a broken record and always hang up. Never argue. To argue gives her power and upsets you. (It also makes it easier for her to justify her behavior in her own eyes. Right never has to argue it is just right.) Always tell her this in a loving tone and never argue. It isn’t foolproof and often takes years. She may even hate you for awhile. That is ok. You love her enough to let her hate you. You just want to see her whole right?

(Can you tell I have been there with multiple family members?) I will be praying for you both. Hugs*

Post # 9
361 posts
Helper bee

Another option you have, is to do some research. Find out the addresses of the homeless shelters or women’s housing advocates in your area. Find out where she can get fed at, if there are churches who offer clothing, etc – and when she calls you, turn her in that direction. You are not obligated to invite her chaos into your home to disrupt your life. 

Post # 10
235 posts
Helper bee



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