I cant take it as long as my husband takes HELP PLZ

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee

I think you need to figure out exactly you are wanting from him. I say that because you say he takes too long but even the quickies that you describe as only ten minutes are too long?

Do you want shorter intimate sessions? Are you guys experiencing different sex drives? Does he want sex more often than you? Or at opposite times?

Don’t make it into a blame game, bee. Trying to convince your Darling Husband that “he’s the problem” isn’t going to help.

Maybe there is nothing physically wrong with him. Maybe he masturbates too often if he takes too long to finish…

Could you look into sex therapy? That could help you meet in the middle here.

Post # 3
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

If he is literally able to last for 2 plus hours, he is almost certainly on Viagra, probably to compensate for age or a mid life crisis. If it feels like 2 plus hours, and not in a good way, that is also a problem.

This sort of thing should be so easy to fix with open communication and an open mind. In a HEALTHY relationship, you could try lube, him cutting back on masturbation, more foreplay, toys, therapy, counseling, hormones, etc. However, it sounds like your husband cares more about showing off his virility than your sexual comfort. He paints you as the problem, he equates your not wanting to take a 2 hour session of intercourse as you not wanting him period.

If you’ve been together for 10 years and this issue is just surfacing, I am going to assume he’s on Viagra now. I am presuming this was never an issue before because he never lasted so long before.

Here is the bottom line. You can only do so much with a partner who doesn’t care about your boundaries, your pleasure or pain, your comfort. You can’t tame and train him like Dany taught her khal to be a gentle lover, that’s fiction (written by a man, at that). Your husband does not seem to be receptive. You’ve already told him you can’t take it that long. His thought is, “you’re the problem, why can’t you accommodate his desires? There is no possible way he is the problem.” This is scary, toxic thinking.

When one person experiences discomfort during sex, that is not a yours or my problem. It’s an us problem that only we can resolve together, maybe with some professional help. Maybe you have some kind of condition, maybe you’re too dry, maybe your hormones are low. But you can’t just “fix” yourself to suit his wants. He needs to adjust to your needs too, but you’re already at the point where you dread sex. His unwillingness to cater to you is creating a vicious cycle that exacerbates the incompatibility.

A man who thinks he is entitled to your body, thinks there is something wrong with you and you alone if you don’t take everything his way or the highway is a dangerous man. You are not a sex slave. 

I would reevaluate this relationship very seriously and quickly. It sounds like you tried the open communication route, and now you are resorting to delay tactics. That’s no way to live. There’s nothing wrong with you, Bee. He’s the problem because he won’t work with you; he expects you to do all the accommodating. Our bodies evolve and change with age, and sex should be about working as a team to achieve mutual pleasure. This man is treating you like a blow up doll. 

Please do not let this go on. You don’t deserve this gaslighting and physical torment. He’s gotta go. 

Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

chloe629 :  as PPs have said, the his problem Vs my problem thing is likely to just get you both on the defensive instead of figuring this out as a couple. 

Your info shows you got married in June this year, were you intimate together before that? 

Two hours is a long time to go, for some couples that suits them, for others it doesn’t. I wouldn’t blame you if you felt like you didn’t want to have sex at all, given that you’re dreading it. It can be hard to feel like a sexual person when you’re not the one calling the shots. 

You don’t have to have sex when your husband wants to. You don’t have to have sex for hours either if you don’t want to. If your husband is forcing or coercing you to, then that is abuse. 

It’s not uncommon for a couple’s sex drive to not match up and like a PP said, even opposite times of day for wanting to be intimate can be a barrier.

I really think a sex therapist could help you both talk about this without blaming each other. It’s such a fragile thing to talk about and it sounds like you and your husband could both use some help in communicating without blaming the other. 

Post # 6
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

chloe629 :  Have you ever asked him why he wants things to go so long?  Are you getting off when you have sex?  What is it about the long sessions that you don’t like?

Post # 9
Member
9432 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Like literally 2 hours of P in V sex? I think my vagina would fall off at that point.

Post # 11
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

I’m literally hurting just reading this.

Are you positive he’s not taking anything? It doesn’t even have to be Viagra or performance enhancers–when my SO was on a high dose of anti-depressants, it usually took much longer (but certainly not two hours… honestly that sounds awful). I have a problem with dryness and can pretty much only go for about 15 minutes of straight penis-in-vagina sex before it hurts for me. 

He thinks randomly doing sexy-ish things throughout the DAY in foreplay? That’s not… really foreplay. I mean, it’s definitely something to help signify you’re both in the mood, but I don’t think he should have the mentality that all of that should count as foreplay. It really really sounds like you two need to have a very frank sit-down talk about sex. I’d clarify he isn’t taking anything, I’d explain to him that a big kiss or a random nipple lick during the day are not foreplay, and that sex for two hours (I still cannot get over that…) *physically hurts you*

I don’t get what he doesn’t get about that?? Maybe he needs to masturbate more, maybe y’all should try using sex toys, and maybe legitimate foreplay (making out, going down on each other, all sexy stuff that happens immediately before sex) should last longer. I’m really not sure, but what’s currently happening clearly isn’t working. 

Post # 12
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Wait, let me make sure I understand. He’s pumping away for two whole hours with the pee in the vee? Like we’re talking two hours straight of thrusting his fleshy meat rocket into your cooter?

I have a lot of questions. Doesn’t he get dehydrated? What about leg cramps? What if something is on TV you guys want to check out? Are there breaks for snacks? What if someone has to pee? Can you do it in positions where you can multitask? Is he a one and done guy? Like can he go for two hours but once he busts a nut that’s it? Or can he go multiple times for two hours? Do you stop for phone calls?

Post # 13
Member
456 posts
Helper bee

chloe629 :  licking my nipples every now and then while I am making dinner or picking up

If my husband ever tried this shit, he’d be picking up his teeth from several non-adjacent ZIP codes.

Post # 14
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Westwood :  “Like literally 2 hours of P in V sex? I think my vagina would fall off at that point.”

A-fucking-MEN!

I don’t understand how you’re not walking sideways at this point Bee. And how do you even have 2 extra hours in the day (every day!)? Like just logistically how does this work? I don’t get home from work until 6. Taking my kid out of the equation say we eat dinner right away, then it’s 7:00. Then what? 2 hours of sex (ugh!). Now it’s already 9:00 and my vagina needs a good soak in the tub for at least an hour to rehydrate. 10:00 maybe I can binge a show or two on Netflix before it’s off to bed! 

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