Post # 16
It’s actually much easier to teach a child a language at a younger age. I would suggest starting all three languages as soon as you can – you’d be surprised by how fast the child picks it up. Waiting until she’s 8 is only going to make it harder and more confusing (esp. since the languages are so similar).
I also think your Mother-In-Law is upset because you’re essentially ignoring her heritage. You’re saying my baby is good enough to learn portugese but I don’t want her to learn spanish. I’d be upset if I were her too. I think youre overreacting – you should be glad your Mother-In-Law wants to be such a big part of her granddaughters life.
Post # 17
I don’t know I see both points of view. Your Mother-In-Law just wants her grandchild to also have her hertitage included. I grew up speaking Spanish and English. My parent made sure that although I was born and raised American, that I didn’t forget my Mexican background. Learning a new language as a child is SOOOO much easier, whether that be 2 or 3 languages. They are like sponges and learn languages easier than adults. I would be bothered too if they were neglecting my hertigage. Knowing your culture and hertigage is a BEAUTIUFUL thing I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t want to contribute that into their child’s life.
Post # 18
As someone who learnt Spanish, Portuguese and English at the same time, as well as my siblings, I can assure you that your kid won’t get the languages confused at all. All of us are completely fluent in all three languages, even when writing (which we weren’t actively engaged learning ). In fact the more languages your kids get exposed to th easier it is for them later on in life. My friends who were brought up in similar scenarios also have the same experiences as myself. I have to disagree with your concerns in this aspect.
As for the dancing I agree with both of you, I find salsa very sexual and I always found the idea of young girls dancing salsa very disturbing. Although this is probably normal to your mil and she’s probably just extremely excited I wouldn’t put much weight on it but make sure your husband clearly addresses this issue with his mother.
pardon the typos, I hate my phone 🙂
Post # 19
I think you are really letting this get out of control. You are engaging in fights with your Mother-In-Law about things that will not become relevant for YEARS. Your daughter isn’t born yet. THere is no point in fighting over what sort of dancing she might get involved in when she’s 6 or 7 and what languages she’ll learn.
Your Mother-In-Law is just excited. Humor her. Try to chill out a bit and enjoy the fact that you have so many people who are so eager to love your daughter and share their passions with her. It’s going to be many years before your Mother-In-Law can teach your daughter to do any of these things and a lot could change between now and then so don’t sweat it.
Post # 20
Take a deep breath. This is all just specualtion. I know its hard to brush things off when your Mother-In-Law is talking so concretely- but your daughter is not here just yet and nothing is ever set in stone. I’m assuming from your posts that this is your MIL’s first grandchild. I had the first grandchild on both sides of the family and I seriously went crazy with all the claims the families were making on my child. I suggest trying to keep her at bay for now with comments like, “we’ll see what she wants to do,” or “only time will tell…” Buy the crib yourself and set it up… because thats what YOU want. Having her dictate your nursery is not worth the gift. If she complains, politely tell her that you and your husband are creating your own traditions. I know it might be hard but try not to argue with her too much- it’s not good for you and is only going to stress you out. A lot of her plans may calm down once the baby comes and she discovers that the baby girl won’t be able to speak any language for a year or so
Post # 21
Agree with PPs….you are saying your Mother-In-Law is being stubborn, but I feel like you are taking offense at somewhat normal things she’s saying. Salsa dancing aside, as other posters have mentioned, babies learn sounds of a language from birth and hearing all three languages will only help your little one learn all three languages better once she is older. If you are living in the US, English will already be her main language (at home I assume your husband and you communicate in English, and that’s all she’ll hear and learn at school)– I wouldn’t worry about confusion or anything else. chances are, your Mother-In-Law will only be able to expose your daughter to the sounds of spanish and your daughter won’t pick up any real vocabulary till she takes it in school.
My husband’s first language is not english, but we speak English to each other and our toddler knows about 60 words in English and 3 in his language.
She’s excited–let her be excited! Treat her as you would like to be treated by your daughter’s future SO one day. if she says things that you don’t see happening (like salsa lessons), just be non committal (use phrases like, “I’m just concentrating on getting her born first, haha”) and let your husband handle that years down the road when your LO is old enough.
Post # 22
If Portuguese is the harder language it does make sense for her to learn that first. Perhaps explain this to mil? I know mandarin is supposed to be one of the hardest languagea to learn and people who speak it find other languages easier to learn so a friend of mine who is Thai as speaks mandarin taught her son it as a first language they then taught English then polish as his dad is polish then Irish as they live in Ireland. So it’s best to start with the hardest languagE it makes sense.
Post # 23
Babies will quite easily and naturally learn all the languanges they are exposed to and spoken to in. I know someone english-speaking who married a greek and her parents are – I think Croatian? – and my friend is an ASL interpreter. Her kids are proficient in everything.
The only language spoken in my home when I raised my kids was English. Yet somehow, my son thought it really was ‘bafroom’ (not bathroom) until he was 8. And my daughter used to say I’ll be good and have (because she thought ‘behave’ was 2 words, like ‘be good’). These little mix-ups happen. It’s part of language learning.
Look at all the native english speakers on these boards who make the following mistakes:
– for all intensive purposes (it’s ‘intents and purposes’ people)
– it’s ‘prerogative’ not ‘per-‘
– they’re, their, there
– you’re, your,- to, too, two
– its, it’s
– literally ( I can’t even. Please look this up. I’m begging you. Literally.)
– it’s ‘between a rock and a hard place’. It means you really don’t have a good option.
And finally could have, should have, would have. So shortening those – contracting them – is could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. Not could of. No. Just… no.
Post # 24
– weather (cloudy with a chance of showers) and whether (or not)
Post # 25
Thank you everyone for your input. I think this is so out of left field because she ASSUMED all of these things without asking. She knows her son and when I mean he cares very little about his spanish culture I mean it.. he knows absolutely no spanish and doesn’t care for the music or dancing at all and considering he is very american he had always planned to raise his children that way so why she put in her head that my child was going to be a salsa dancer is beyond me. I mean she didn’t even teach her son spanish so why is it SOOO incredibly terrible that her granddaughter isn’t growing up in the culture? I would get where she was coming from if my husband grew up on heavy spanish culture but he wasn’t. I hate to say my husband hates the culture but he kind of does..he just never connected to it, before I got pregnant we discussed everything and ‘I’ was the one who said she should at least know a little spanish not him yet I’M the bad guy in all of this to her? It’s just ridiculous in my eyes.
I know it will be a long while before my daughter begins to talk but for me it’s more the fact that my mil is assuming all of these things.. That’s really what’s upsetting me.
Post # 26
LOL! Another one I’ve noticed is “I don’t know how to get passed this” PAST THIS!