Post # 1
I am tired of crying but i feel like i want to cry yet again. Me and my Fi have been having so many problems in the past month and a half i just have no idea how we even got here. I feel like im at the end of my rope and i just cant be in this relationship and this situation he has put me in. About a week or two ago i posted here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/just-feeling-confused-and-could-use-advice/
Since that last post things have been the same to be honest. My Fi friends are still living in the house its crouded as hell and i never want to go out of our room (let me get this straight with everyone i dont live there but i call it our room because i am there alot and its easier for me that way). So my Fi friend who moved in use to sale drugs(weed) in Virginia and i guess he is still doing that idk its very unclear. My Fi is about to open up a medical marjuiana business with him and if he is still selling drugs in VA(sending weed out there for money) then that is very illegal and i dont want my Fiance going in to business with him. To be honest i dont want anything to do with him. He is a nice guy has a good personality but idk i just cant shake this feeling i have about him. I have learned to trust my feelings they never are wrong and when i dont trust them something bad always seems to happen. I just love my Fi its really sad because just a month and a half ago i had no doubt in my mind everything was good, but then he brought these people into our lives without my say so if it was ok. I feel powerless and i dont feel safe anymore. He cant even kick out his friend that is late/behind on rent all the time and its been a year and a half since he has moved in. He has no courgage to not go into business with this guy he said he wouldnt for me but im like you shouldnt for yourself. I want this guy out of the house and out of my life. He knows this but then makes me feel bad saying “what do you want me to do, get roommates off craigslist and not know these people.” I dont know what i want him to do i just dont want to live like this. Im 21 years old im a college student i cant help him with the bills he has right now so i know that he needs roommates. My Fi talked to his lawyer and he said that my Fi wont be liable for any illegal things if his friend does anything illegal.
I guess my main problem right now is the fact that he is in my life. I dont surround myself with these type of people anymore. I used to have friends that did alot of illegal stuff, had warrants for the arrest ect, but i droped them as friends as soon as i realized i wanted more for my life. Im just really tired of my Fi friends. First all his friends moved from VA. One of them cant even get a job that can pay the bills and that effects us and our relationship, the other is in to illegal sh*t which effects us and our relationship, then he has another friend (who doesnt live with us). He is a drunk and called the other night drunk and high on cocanie at 5:30am asking what my fi is doing. This guy was married and then divorced and my Fi step mom said they were divorced because he was abusive when drunk. Every time i have seen this kid he is drunk and its like 9am. I just cant take it anymore, my Fi has had many oppurtunties to have friends who are good influences working hard doing the same things he is trying to do. I mean you are who you associate with. Im really feeling like i have hit my limit and now this crap is effecting me, i dont know anymore if i want to marry this man. Any advice would be great thanks, sorry if its unclear just ask if i need to clear something up.
Post # 2
This guy sounds like he has a shit ton of growing up to do before he’s anyone’s Fiance, or worse, husband.
Post # 3
Uh I’d be heading for the hills if my Fiance were about to get into an illegal “business” venture.
That does not sound grown up to me. If he wants that he needs to move to Washington, Colorado or Alaska. He sounds like a child, reckless, and you don’t need to get dragged down in his mindless and illegal activities.
No way, just get out. Give him an ultimatem if you need to, if you just truly love him. I just wouldn’t expect much.
Post # 4
Good for you for getting your life together but it seems like your SO isn’t there yet. I don’t think selling medical marijuana is going to go over well if one partner is also selling street pot. Pretty sure law enforcement looks for stuff like that.
Post # 5
Princesskitty101: I am sorry you are going hrough this 🙁
Put your foot down on this. If he is not willing to do the right thing, walk away. Relationships should not be this hard and you should not be feeling like this.
Sending you e-hugs.
Post # 6
You can really tell a lot about someone by who they allow in their life and who they suround themselves with. If your Fiance isn’t willing to cull this person out of his life, he is at least partially condoning that sort of life style. If that isn’t he life style you want, I would suggest breaking up with your Fiance.
Post # 7
You are 21 (which is still young) how old is your FI? He sounds very immature and not ready to get married and definitely not ready to start a business. I mean, hell, he can’t even get rent from his deadbeat friend. He has no balls to stand up for himself and surrounds himself with toxic people.
And FWIW, I knew a guy that moved out to Colorado from Jersey (where I’m from) to get into the legal weed selling business because he was a huge pot head and basically thought “yeah maaann.. I get to smoke AND make money off it legally!” dream job for a pot head and that’s why all the stoners move out there to start these “awesome job opportunities”. I’ll tell you, his business failed in 2 weeks and he was back in Jerz a month later. These dead beats (roommates/friends, not your FI) can’t just sit around and smoke pot all day and expect to make a business out of it.
You need to set his ass straight and he needs to kick these people out and get his shit together before you even THINK about marriage. Give it a few years and let him grow up first.
Post # 8
Princesskitty101: I think it’s good you’re seeing this side of his life, before you make it forever with “I do’s”. BUT- if it’s not your home, and you techinically don’t need to be there, then why put yourself in a situation and be around people you don’t want to be around?
Distance yourself from the situation. It could pull your Fiance closer to you and realize what he really may be missing if he doesn’t get his shit together.
Post # 9
This behavior should stop when college is over. Or honstly, before senior year. At least all the kids I knew like this have stopped, and have great jobs and relationships now, or they didn’t and are exactly the same years later.
So.. is he done with school and doing a “real” job? How long will you give him to get his act together? Because I’d be worried he’d turn into group #2.
Post # 10
I work in pain management and medical marijuana is very popular and may be a good business venture. However, just like a good bartender doesn’t drink he shouldn’t be sitting there smoking pot regularly unless he himself has a legitimate medical reason to do so.
Just read through the comments on the other post and saw someone write this. And I 100% agree. If your Fiance is serious about this business he first needs to ditch the friends, ESPECIALLY the one selling in VA. Starting a medical marijuana distrubiting company and still smoking/hanging out with pot heads/was an ex pot head just really makes me think the guy is extremely immature and naive. He does realize this “business” (if he actually wants to make money) is not about smoking weed right?
Post # 11
ChrissyMary9515: My Fiance will be 30 in May all his friends are around 30, i think his roommate that is a dead beat is 31. And that is another thing why are these 30 year olds acting like this its bs to me like these are the most inmature friends every i just cant believe it.
To be honest with everyone i really dont want to be like oh you cant do this i rather just take myself out of the situation. Im just in complete shoke and im tired of being in a relationship where i feel my Fiance cant make the tough decisions. I just dont even know what to say or do anymore ive said how i feel i just dont believe he will do what is best for us. He said he will talk to his dad about a loan so he can open the business on his own. My fi is not a pot head he hasnt smoked in years. He cant for his job anyways. He just really likes weed. I have no problem with that i just cant take his friends. I dont know what to say anymore, im so confused.
Post # 12
Since you don’t actually live there just go home and don’t come back. You should not want to do be with a guy who is into doing anything illegal. A person like that isn’t capable of being a husband and is in no shape of being somebody’s father one day if you choose to have kids.
Post # 13
If you can’t even trust him to make decisions about his friends, how do you think that’s going to translate to married life? What happens when there’s tough decisions, be it with buying a house, or health issues, or family struggles, or maybe having kids one day?
If you can’t trust him to do what’s best for you as a couple now that you are engaged and he is 30 years old, when and how do you think that’s going to change?
Post # 14
Princesskitty101: WOAH! I was expecting you to say he was like 22/23. Yeah…. if they all haven’t grown up by now, when is it gonna happen? IS it ever going to happen??
I totally understand not wanting to be the “nagging fiancee” and the “dream crusher”. Hell, you don’t want to cause resentment and hold him back from what he wants, right? You also can’t be a doormat. You need to stand up for what you want and not be afraid of him calling you a nag. You should encourage him to be better, i.e. getting rid of the friends that will inevitably bring him down.
You’re young. Too young to be tied into this mess with a GROWN ASS MAN who acts like a child. He’s a manchild.
Post # 15
This was literally the only reaction I can think of for this post.