(Closed) i caught him….

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Truthfully, I would have asked him if he’d like some help. Porn is porn. Masturbating to porn is just to get off — It has nothing to do with sex or intimacy or love or feelings. It’s just a “I need to get off.” Sex is about love, tenderness, intimacy, passion. It’s so much more than getting off. Just because your SO (Or even you) masturbate to porn doesn’t mean your sex life is bad or your relationship is terrible.

It’s like using the corner of a wall to itch your back instead of grabbing the backscratcher. You’ll still use that back scratcher, but you need to get rid of that itch now.

Post # 33
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I did this, and I laughed! I thought the look on his face was hilarious!

Post # 35
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ctobride2be:  No experience with this but I’d probably just take over lol. Nothing personal. 

Post # 36
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would just join him lol

Post # 37
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee

@ctobride2be:  I would be maybe only a little embarrassed, nothing huge. The only thing that makes it weird, is if you act like its weird. 

Post # 38
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I would crack up, and call him HandyJay from then on.

Post # 39
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I can only imagine the look that would be on his face… I’d probably die laughing.

Post # 40
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not with the majority on this one, and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to look at it. You’ll know if you’re okay with it or not if you go with your gut. 

I have a problem with porn (not masturbation) and Fiance respects this and understands that it is hurtful to me when he chooses to project sexual thoughts onto something that I have pretty strong negative feelings about. We talk about our sex life and sexuality pretty often and have learned to be open so that neither of us feel like we need to hesitate if we have a weird feeling about something, and thats made the porn talks a lot easier on both of us. If you don’t want your SO to watch porn, know that its not true that all guys do, though many many do, they don’t have to, and its very possible not to.

Just go with what feels right to you.

Post # 41
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I might be weird but it would only bother me if it was still pictures of women. If it was two people having sex I’d be like whatever. haha gross

Post # 42
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

My ex had a bigger libido than I did, so the first time I caught him it was very awkward, but I understand that what men like in porn, is the action they see, and not the actresses per se. So I don’t feel ”threatened” at all by the porn actresses and while it’s not the kind of movie I would enjoy, I don’t mind that my boyfriend watches it. With my ex, I knew he had his moments so when he was using the computer, I used to knock on the door and if I heard ”nope” I knew and just went away. With my fiancé, it has not happened yet, but I would feel really sad if I knew he wanted to masturbate but restrained himself because he felt ashamed or ”not allowed” to. I think it’s normal and we all do it, so it wouldn’t even bother me if he asked me directly for some alone-time ! 

As long as your sex life is satisfying to you both, there is no need to be worried IMO.  🙂

Post # 43
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

@ctobride2be:  he is a guy. Unless he is turning you down to masturbate or doing it excessively (daily or close to it) then its not a problem.

My SO claims not to but I wouldnt be alarmed if I walked in on it lol.

Post # 44
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t really care, but I would apologize for not knocking.

Post # 45
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve walked in on my SO in the bathroom doing it, but I think I was more embarrassed than he was. He’s walked in on me too- it helps me sleep,, relax, and I used to do it to relieve my cramps.

Post # 46
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

@ctobride2be:  Ah, I just posted a very similar thread. Personally, it bothers me. But I don’t know if that’s just a hangover from being brought up in a very cult-like religion or if it legitimately bothers me as the person that I am today.

I think you have to decide for yourself how you feel about it. Obviously it does bother you to some degree. I’d suggest just talking your partner express in a non-accusatory way how you feel and maybe it’ll open up a conversation about your sex life. Maybe everything on his end is just fine or maybe some things need discussing. Ultimately if you talk to him he’ll be able to A. reassure you that all is cool or B. you can just continue to improve your relationship.

Best of luck.

 

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