(Closed) I cheated 6 years ago but never told my boyfriend. Now what?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I don’t see what good will come out of telling him. You risk ruining the good relationship you have and you will hurt him and cause him to doubt everything you two have shared. I understand the importance of honesty but this time you have to think of the price and whether you are willing to pay it. 

Kissing is still cheating without a doubt, but it is less damaging than if you slept with the guy. I would say just let it go. you were young and made a mistake. You have since proven your love for him by going as for as moving closer to his mom (respect, by the way, I would not have done that for a boyfriend with no ring on my finger).

i kind of wonder though… You’ve been together ten years but he has not proposed and you have had only vague conversations about marriage? Is he on the same page with you as far as marriage is concerned? that’s a red flag to me. 

Post # 3
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you just need to let this go. It was 6 years ago, no feelings involved, and just a kiss. If my Fiance had done this, I wouldn’t want to know now. Would you want to know if your Fiance had done the same thing? 

Post # 5
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
bumblebee22:  

Don’t tell him.  You said you buried it in the past, you need to bury it again.  

Post # 7
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

I would not tell him. You want to tell him for you, not for him. Think about it that way. It will make you feel better, and him worse. I don’t normally advocate secrets but this was so long ago and only a kiss. Forgive yourself and move on.

Post # 8
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

No purpose will be served by telling him at this point. It was a kiss, it was years and years ago, and you were both very young. Just let it go. 

Post # 9
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

another vote for keeping it to yourself. go confess to a priest or something, just to get it off your chest. write it on paper and burn it. forgive yourself. you deserve it.

Post # 10
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

At this point the only purpose telling him world serve would be easing your own guilt.

Deal with it and keep your mouth shut. There’s no reason he needs to know. 

Post # 11
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee

It’s been so long why would you tell him. I mean i get where you are coming from but think about it from his point of view. You cheated! What if an never look at you the same? What if this would cause you to break up? Do you think it’s worth losing him? I mean he may be completely ok with it. What if he has secrets of his own and this just opens up another door? I mean if you feel like you absolutely have to tell him go for it but like my Fiance says always prepare for the worst. That way if it doesn’t go the way you had planned you wont be disappointed. 

Post # 12
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
bumblebee22:  Ignorance is bliss. your punishment is feeling bad about it. don’t go punishing him by telling him about something you did 6 years ago. It’s just sex, pole in a hole, natural instincts, whatever you want to call it. you said you don’t have feelings for the guy and didn’t know his name, so learn from your mistakes on what made you feel bad, and don’t make those mistakes again. goodness, it was 6 yrs ago. I guarantee you are a much different person now than you were 6 years ago.  At this point, just be the best Girlfriend you can be. It’s been such a long time that it isn’t worth risking your relationship over it at this point.  

Post # 13
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with 

View original reply
pinkorblue:  do not punish this poor guy because you feel guilty. 

You want to do right because you want to feel better but than your SO will feel like crap. Do you think that it’s fair just because you feel guilty. Like i said i totally get the whole being honest and starting fresh but i think you will do more bad than good!

Post # 14
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Confessing to cheating (especially such a minor offense that happened so long ago) is only going to hurt your SO. Don’t fool yourself, coming clean is not about starting your engagement right or about doing what is right for your SO, it is just a way for you to cope with your guilt – by making it your SO’s problem, hurting him and your relationship in the process. 

You may want to ask yourself why you are (possibly subconsciously) trying to sabotage your relationship. It is the only reasonable explanation why something that has not mattered for the past six years is suddenly popping up again. 

Post # 15
Member
11528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Absolutely, without question, tell him. You need to tell him even more than he needs to hear it, because, if you do not, the guilt will not ever go away. This issue will continue to disturb and upset you, and your feelings regarding this will only continue to grow the harder you try to bury or ignore them. Tell him.

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