(Closed) I cheated, and guilt has gotten ahold of me, please help me.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

I dunno but to me it sounds like you guys weren’t really together for most of that shady part.  I don’t want to undermine the cheating but its difficult to gather whether you were actually exclusive from this post.  And this is still getting to you 2 years later?  What do you think will happen if you tell him?

Post # 4
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t know…Honestly I go back and forth on issues like this because on the one hand, you should be honest with your SO, but on the other, sometimes it seems like the person who cheated wants to fess up so they can feel better. Which will in turn cause pain and drama for the other party.

So…I guess you really need to think about what you are going to accomplish by telling him and how you will work to regain his trust after he finds out.

Post # 6
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Don’t tell him.  You live with the guilt rather than placing the amount of pain you’re going through on to him.  He doesn’t deserve that and you have nothing to gain from it.  Confessing is not about being honest.  Staying loyal is about being honest.  If you truly want to be with him, don’t ever do it again and keep the secret within you.

Post # 7
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@alieisalie:

The place youre in is hard.  I think the best advice is to be honest with yourself and honest with him.  The two of you have come a long way sense that night in the beginning of your relationship.  I’ve kind of been there before… I was kissed by someone else… I didn’t sleep with them but the guilt was the same.  I never came clean about it becuase I didn’t know what he would say… needless to say we aren’t together any more. 

The truth will set you free… sounds lame I know but if he loves you that will prevail in the end.

Post # 9
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

OP: I do have to ask and I don’t want to sound trite but how old were you at the time?  A month of exclusivity and you move away.  Again, I do not want to trivialize things but many factors and knowing more of the story will influence my opinion.

Post # 11
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@heather25:

I agree there are various factors to consider before really maing a choice… I am actually reconsidering my initial post…

Post # 12
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@alieisalie:You told your secret to us. Good enough, you got it out, move on, and forget about it. Do not tell him about this, what’s the point? The only reason you should consider discussing this is if you are ready to end the relationship and you think it is bound to happen again because you are unhappy.

Post # 13
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Pia2010: I totally agree.  You’ve not said anything this long I wouldn’t do it now. Your relationship is so different now then at the time. 

Post # 14
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you weren’t exclusive then it wasn’t cheating. 

Post # 15
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I agree, don’t tell him.  I know that you want to get it off your chest, but it really isn’t fair to him.  The crying weekly, etc is almost like karma, and with time, it will go away.

But, by telling him … he’s going to feel horrible, it will NOT solve anything, and the only thing you’ll be doing it putting your guilt onto him.  It will hurt you more to see this information hurt him than make you feel better.  You’ll feel worse afterwards, in other words.

Take it to the grave and if you never plan on doing it again, then thats as honest as you can be.  IMO

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