(Closed) I cheated on my husband and I'm consumed with guilt. Should I tell him?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow. I wish I had some advice for you. It sounds like you are really upset and like you would never ever do it again. I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation.

All I can say is good luck and my heart goes out to you.

Post # 4
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The odds of 3 people keeping this secret are pretty low. I think you need to tell him before he hears it some other way.

Post # 5
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

This one is hard, but I think the right thing to do is to tell him.

On the other hand, could you live with not telling him? If he found out from someone else, the damage would probably be worse.

 

Post # 6
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

whoa.  I would not know what to do in your situation.  But I would suggest, regardless whether you decide to tell your husband or not, that you talk to that couple.  If the best friend is really distraught, he may want to spill to your husband about it because he feels so badly. you do NOT want that. If your husband finds out from someone OTHER than you, it will hurt even more, if that’s possible.

Good luck…

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You need to tell him before someone else does. That’s his best friend and likely his best friend will not have an easy time keeping something like this from him, if he would even agree to that at all. Plus I think you have a greater responsibility to tell your husband as his wife than your husband’s best friend does. 

Post # 8
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

If you’re truly sorry and you know 100% that you will never do it again, I’d say you shouldn’t tell him. You made a mistake. At this point, telling him would only make you feel better at the price of breaking his heart. I don’t advocate cheating, but it sounds like you’ve learned your lesson and will never do it again. 

Post # 9
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can tell that you genuinely feel terrible.  I’m sorry I don’t have any great advice for you, but the fact that other people know complicates it a bit.  If no one else knew and you were positive that it would never happen again, I would be inclined to tell you to not tell your husband because it would only hurt him.  However…if he’s going to find out, it needs to be from you and not the other couple.  Sorry this happened.

Post # 10
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would for sure tell him, you will just eat yourself alive with guilt if you try and keep it to yourself. Plus, if/when you hang out with your friends again it will probably be very weird and your husband will most likely catch on that something is up. It’s going to come out eventually, so just be honest and let him know now. Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh wow. The hardest part is that it sounds like all three of you will need to come clean. It would be so hard to carry on the illusion of a normal friendship with this couple, but if you cut them out your husband might want to know why. Talk with the couple, tell them how you feel, and find a way for all three of you to tell him what happened. Good luck!! 

Post # 12
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You need to tell him. You need to sit down and tell him. Afterwards, all 4 of you need to sit down and talk about it if you want to salvage any type of friendship there is. 

I think, at least, (as terrible as this sounds) that you are not in love with these people, there is no intention to breaking up the marriage. There’s no ’emotional’ affair. No sneaking around or hiding. It was an adulterous mistake involving alcohol and low inhibitions.

But, as someone previously said, this secret will not be held long. Don’t wallow in it. Be honest and nip this in the bud now.

Post # 13
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

hard one…… i don’t like lying and if my husband did this to me, I KNOW for sure I would divorce him.  If I didn’t find out and it never happened again I would be spared. I would rather be spared.  Is that horrible for me to tell you guys to pretend it never happened?  UGH.  Good LUCk

Post # 14
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow this is a tough one.  I think you should tell him because this secret might slip unintentionally (esp. if they got drunk again) from that couple as well. 

Post # 15
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell him.  Inevitably, it will get out.  But it’ll be the least painful if it comes from you, rather than him learning about it from someone else and that you kept it from him.

Post # 16
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If it you are 1000% sure he will not find out from anyone and you KNOW you will NEVER do it ever again, I kind of agree with a previous poster.

spare him.

However, if there is any chance of him finding out At ALL then I would want to be the first to tell him.

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