Post # 1
I can’t believe this happened. My husband and I have been married for over two years. I consider our marriage solid, great, and fun. No complaints at all.
We are good friends with another married couple. The guy and my husband have known each other forever and through him I met his wife. She and I have become best friends. We socialize all the time.
Earlier this week my husband left on a business trip that should get him back home on Friday. On Monday, my girlfriend invited me over to their house for a bbq. There were lots of people there but by the end of the evening it was just me and our friends couple. All three of us were very drunk and played a stupid game called Never Have I Ever and it turned toward sexual themes. Turns out I haven’t done alot of sexy things even though a few of them have been discussed in private with my husband.
When I admitted that I had never kissed a girl, my girlfriend leaned into me and kissed me on the lips. For some reason I kissed back. Before I really had any time to think, she and I were making out. At some point her husband joined in. I ended up having sex that night with our friends.
I think we all eventually passed out. When I woke up in the morning I realized what had happened and kind of freaked. I went to the kitchen and found the guy looking shocked and sort of crying. He said he couldn’t believe we did that and how wrong it was and that he and my husband are best buds. I agreed that it was waay wrong but didn’t know what else to say. I left and went home and we have not talked since.
I am so consumed with guilt. I have never ever cheated on my husband (during marriage or before). I’ve never even had a one night stand. My husband and I are always completely honest with each other. If I tell him, he’ll be devastated. If I don’t I’d be hiding an awful truth. What should I do?
Post # 3
Wow. I wish I had some advice for you. It sounds like you are really upset and like you would never ever do it again. I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation.
All I can say is good luck and my heart goes out to you.
Post # 4
The odds of 3 people keeping this secret are pretty low. I think you need to tell him before he hears it some other way.
Post # 5
This one is hard, but I think the right thing to do is to tell him.
On the other hand, could you live with not telling him? If he found out from someone else, the damage would probably be worse.
Post # 6
whoa. I would not know what to do in your situation. But I would suggest, regardless whether you decide to tell your husband or not, that you talk to that couple. If the best friend is really distraught, he may want to spill to your husband about it because he feels so badly. you do NOT want that. If your husband finds out from someone OTHER than you, it will hurt even more, if that’s possible.
Post # 7
You need to tell him before someone else does. That’s his best friend and likely his best friend will not have an easy time keeping something like this from him, if he would even agree to that at all. Plus I think you have a greater responsibility to tell your husband as his wife than your husband’s best friend does.
Post # 8
If you’re truly sorry and you know 100% that you will never do it again, I’d say you shouldn’t tell him. You made a mistake. At this point, telling him would only make you feel better at the price of breaking his heart. I don’t advocate cheating, but it sounds like you’ve learned your lesson and will never do it again.
Post # 9
I can tell that you genuinely feel terrible. I’m sorry I don’t have any great advice for you, but the fact that other people know complicates it a bit. If no one else knew and you were positive that it would never happen again, I would be inclined to tell you to not tell your husband because it would only hurt him. However…if he’s going to find out, it needs to be from you and not the other couple. Sorry this happened.
Post # 10
I would for sure tell him, you will just eat yourself alive with guilt if you try and keep it to yourself. Plus, if/when you hang out with your friends again it will probably be very weird and your husband will most likely catch on that something is up. It’s going to come out eventually, so just be honest and let him know now. Good luck.
Post # 11
Oh wow. The hardest part is that it sounds like all three of you will need to come clean. It would be so hard to carry on the illusion of a normal friendship with this couple, but if you cut them out your husband might want to know why. Talk with the couple, tell them how you feel, and find a way for all three of you to tell him what happened. Good luck!!
Post # 12
You need to tell him. You need to sit down and tell him. Afterwards, all 4 of you need to sit down and talk about it if you want to salvage any type of friendship there is.
I think, at least, (as terrible as this sounds) that you are not in love with these people, there is no intention to breaking up the marriage. There’s no ’emotional’ affair. No sneaking around or hiding. It was an adulterous mistake involving alcohol and low inhibitions.
But, as someone previously said, this secret will not be held long. Don’t wallow in it. Be honest and nip this in the bud now.
Post # 13
hard one…… i don’t like lying and if my husband did this to me, I KNOW for sure I would divorce him. If I didn’t find out and it never happened again I would be spared. I would rather be spared. Is that horrible for me to tell you guys to pretend it never happened? UGH. Good LUCk
Post # 14
Wow this is a tough one. I think you should tell him because this secret might slip unintentionally (esp. if they got drunk again) from that couple as well.
Post # 15
Tell him. Inevitably, it will get out. But it’ll be the least painful if it comes from you, rather than him learning about it from someone else and that you kept it from him.
Post # 16
If it you are 1000% sure he will not find out from anyone and you KNOW you will NEVER do it ever again, I kind of agree with a previous poster.
However, if there is any chance of him finding out At ALL then I would want to be the first to tell him.