(Closed) I Cheated! Please Help! *Long*

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 4
4932 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had a lot of help from a very good relationship counselor. I know it seems like a catch all reccomendation, but I think the right one could help you work through all the stuff leading up to the “cheating” and the cheating itself. 

Sorry you’re going through this.

I honestly think it’s a fixable situation, if you want it to be. 

Post # 5
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It sounds like there were a lot of redflags before marrying this guy.  So why did you marry him?  I would focus on that and then use counseling to determine where fixes can be made to the relationship.  I woul also recommend individual counseling aside from couples counseling because you may decide you never should have married this guy in the first place.  Until you figure things out it’s a good idea to stay out of situations where you might cheat again.

Post # 6
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Do you really want to be in this marriage? It sounds like you don’t. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment towards your husband and that you are not happy. I think you need to figure out if you want to be in hte marriage before trying to fix it.

Post # 7
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

WE can’t help you make your marriage work. Only you and your husband can do that. You say you respect him but you told him if things don’t change you may cheat again?? That’s not respect that’s a threat. You also continue to talk to someone else and try to figure out if he’s interested or not? You’re either committed or not, you need to figure out for yourself which one that is. If you’re not, then you need to relieve both fo you from this marriage, and if you are, then you need to committ and stop talking to some stranger, and put in some effort, not sit around making excuses and giving us reasons why you cheated.

Post # 8
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

As others have already mentioned, the cheating was a symptom of deeper issues. 

You need to work on those deeper issues if you want to marriage to work. Everything you mention here you should mention to the counselor you are scheduled to see. 

A relationship is two sided and there are many things here that are not working on both your ends so its time to address them.

Best of luck!

Post # 9
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Your husband has said he is willing to work on the relationship, but based on your post, you aren’t. If you respected and loved your husband and wanted it to work, you wouldn’t be dreaming about being with another guy and you would have felt relieved that he was willing to forgive you. I think you need to determine what you want and if your husband can deliver (or if you even want him to). You both need to be comitted to making it work whole heartedly…one person can’t carry it all.

Post # 10
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MsJ2theZ:  +1. This whole posts screams of excuses and meaningless justifications to me too. Like you said – either you are committed or you aren’t. OP, you need to make that decision in order to be fair to yourself and your husband.

Post # 11
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you need to ask yourself if you are IN love with your husband or do you just love him. A lasting relationship requires some sort of chemistry/spark to keep the relationship alive.

Post # 12
199 posts
Blushing bee

Divorce him

Post # 13
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Do you actually want to be with him? It sounds like both of you are willing to try and make it work, but do you really want to? If you don’t want to change him, are you willing to spend the rest of your life taking care of his abusive father and having bad sex? Neither of those are dealbreakers, but it doesn’t sound like there is enough love between the two of you to get over your fairly large issues with each other. You said you’ve resented him for the last 5.5 years, that’s a long time to resent someone, so I’m not sure how you cuold ever build love from it.

Post # 14
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Do married people just forget to communicate? because it doesnt sound like youre doing any of that. how is he suppose to know that you dont enjoy sex with him if you dont tell him. How will you get the passion back if you dont tell him its missing? Going out and fucking some random guy is not going to get you that passion back.  I guess you need to figure out if you want to be with him or not. 

Post # 15
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You need to really sit down and ask yourself if YOU want this to work. If the answer is “Well, maybe, I don’t know, kinda, sure, yeah.” Then you need to walk away.

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