(Closed) I cheated…kinda, please help

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry that you are going through this, but it isn’t just his fault.  You were both in the wrong here.  You are not wrong to not want to punished anymore.  He shouldn’t have forgiven you if he didn’t mean it, which he obviously didn’t.

Have you thought about counseling?  I would definitely look into it.  I know if my Fiance were even texting another girl, let alone sending dirty pictures to multiple people, I would be gone.

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow. My only advice is that if you both truly want to work things out, you need to go to some kind of counseling asap. You both have made mistakes and if your willing to work together than I think things can be fixed, but if not then you may need to go your separate ways…

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

This sort of reminds me of the Sex and the City movie. Steve cheats on Miranda, and when they go to counseling, he says that she made it hard to trust him b/c she keeps punishing him for the one thing he did wrong. Meanwhile, she’s hurt b/c of him cheating on her, and rightfully so.

I really think that if you guys want to work out your relationship, you need counseling. Otherwise, the resentment is going to build up on both sides. you both betrayed each other (it doesn’t matter who did it first), and you keep trying to get back at each other. It’s not healthy, and you need to appreciate each other more. Sometimes though, a relationship and trust is too far gone to get it back. It might be that you guys are not meant to be. But…I think counseling will help you figure out whether you want to be together or not.

I hope things work out for the best for you, and keep us updated on how  they turn out.

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Marriage counselor ASAP! 

Post # 7
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would definitely seek professional help.  Otherwise, I feel like it’ll keep going back to this when you guys do fight.  I think that you both need an objective outsider to sit with you, and for you to really hash it out to the nitty gritty. 

Post # 8
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, from your story, it doesn’t sound like either one of you is ready for marriage.  You both are “acting out” like you CRAVE the single life.  Those text messages are really invasive and inappropriate when you’re supposedly engaged and committed to each other.  By no means am I judging you, but I really don’t think you guys are ready for marriage.  Getting married won’t solve your current problems… without an intervention, they will just escalate and probably lead to divorce.  I would consider postponing the wedding and go to couple’s counseling ASAP.  I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it’s not too late to salvage your relationship.

Post # 9
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

I don’t think this is something that you can’t get past, but you both seem pretty miserable….are you in this relationship because of the convenience?  Or because you truly love each other?  I think if you want to make things work you really need to figure out what is holding you together.  It seems that each of you feel like something is missing and if you don’t fix it you could just be heading for disaster.  I hope that you can figure something out that will be good for both of you.

Post # 10
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

also agree that counseling is a good idea!

 

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this…  But it sounds like he got so angry because he had been doing the same exact thing as you all along.  My advice would be to take some premarital classes and really get down to the bare bones of your relationship.  I hope the situation works out for the best for the both of you. 

Post # 12
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

If you feel that way I would seek counseling… be it pre-marital or private. And I would postpone or cancel the wedding. Until you are both happy independetly you would be happy together. And if you are both having inappropriate relationships with other parties then I dont think you are comitted enough to eachother to get married. Thats just my opinion..

Post # 13
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think this is completely un-fixable. You are both too immature to be ready for marriage. Even if you attended counseling, and somehow both gained years of maturity, I think your new clarity would only let you see what a mess this whole thing is. It’s not a healthy relationship at all. There are about a million red flags. You both need to make a clean break from each other and move on.

Post # 14
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I also think counseling is the best option. And I wouldn’t get married this Oct. until you’ve gotten everything straight. I’m not sure this relationship is fixable, but I would definately try counseling and see what happens.

Sorry you are going through this!

Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am sorry to hear about this. But I think that if something like this can happen once, it can happen again…and it will be easier to resort back to that everytime your two go through a hard time.  Whenever one of your gets upset with the other you will very quickly go back to texting and talk to the opposite sex…which will end in disaster everytime. This could and will most likely be a long term problem, and his drinking will not help matters.

Just ask yourself why you want to marry him.  When you marry someone you need to marry them for who they ARE. Not for who they WERE or who you hope they will BECOME.  I see alot of times in relationships like these it is hard to give up because they are in love with who the person used to be….but if he is not that person you fell on love with then why are you marrying him?

Just some things to think about. I hope it all works out and I wish you the best of luck….

Post # 16
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is tough.  I know you love your Fiance.  But to be honest, there are so many red flags in your post and problems with your relationship that I don’t even know where to start. 

Don’t get married right now.  Postpone the wedding until you have gone to some couples counseling to see if you can work through these issues.  This isn’t something that is going to get better on its own, and you guys owe it to yourselves not to start a marriage with these types of issues in tow.

Good luck to you.

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