I chose a MOH… now wishing they were all equal bridesmaids. Help!

posted 7 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I am doing three Ladies of Honor, no bridesmaids (they are all married and I think Matron sounds dumpy haha)


ETA: Could you elevate the other three, and have 4 Maids/Matrons/Ladies of Honor?

Post # 3
1524 posts
Bumble bee

The only thing an MOH *has* to do is show up at the wedding in a dress you pick, so unless you’ve already had your wedding, there’s no way she hasn’t ‘done her job’. 

Post # 4
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Make them all maid of honours?  It’s just a title, and I’d like to believe your nearest and dearest wouldn’t care, but maybe if they all can say they’re MOH it will chill things out.  I have two because I couldn’t pick between my two best friends, but it’s not like they’re doing anything different than if I called them bridesmaids.  They’re still just my friends.

Post # 5
3451 posts
Sugar bee

Definitely don’t demote your MOH. I had the same problem as you (am also super nonconfrontational and terrified of offending my friends). I chose not to designate a MOH even though I do consider one of my friends a bit “bester” than the others lol…it just wasn’t worth the drama for me. But it’s too late for you since you already asked one of your friends to be the MOH. At this point you just need to face the music and deal with potential fallout from the jealous best friend. 

Honestly, I don’t know how people throw weddings without offending SOMEONE. I recently found out my friend who isn’t a BM is “devastated” that I didn’t ask her (her mother told my mother who told me). But if I had asked her, I would have had to ask another girl too (one of those things, these two girls are like a pair, I can’t ask one and not the other) and that would have brought me to seven bridesmaids which is just way more than I wanted to deal with, plus this particular girl just brings drama and negative energy to everything and I didnt’ want to deal with it, so it’s just a whole clusterfuck.

I was actually thinking to myself today that I partially wish I didn’t have ANY bridesmaids, but then I got a grip and reminded myself that I am having my closest friends stand up next to me on my day and that’s just the way it is. If someone is hurt I didn’t ask them, they will have to deal with it and get over it. You truly cannot please everyone when it comes to your wedding.

Anyway, I would tell the friend who is likely to be offended in person. Ask her to give a toast maybe?

Post # 6
6632 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

it sounds like the friend you asked to be MOH is pretty chill–i’d tell her the whole story.  She’ll probably laugh it off.

in the end though, you gotta do what works for you–not your mom, not your bridesmaid..

Post # 8
48 posts
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Family Ranch

I was struggling with this a lot too.. i wasnt going to have a MOH just all bridesmaids. I live in california & all the girls are on the east coast so choosing one was hard bc everything is cross country planning. MOH needs to witness your marriage license being signed (and plan anything extra she wants to bc they all plan/fund the bach party & bridal shower together)

Post # 9
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I agree with you, I don’t like the idea of a MOH, it just seems like your telling the rest that they’re not important enough…idk how to explain, I just think it’s weird. 

Post # 10
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You know your crowd. If you think your MOH will be cool with it then explain it to her and make them all BMs.

Post # 11
8120 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

marie505 :  So you think the answer to this problem is to potentially hurt your MOH who has done nothing to warrant this treatment so as not to upset a BM who would act like a jealous petulant child because she didn’t get picked? 

The answer is to not do it but to tell the petulant child to act like an adult.

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