(Closed) I chose not to see the writing on the wall…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How long did you take to realize you were in a bad marriage? (from day of wedding)

    within the first year

    within five years

    after ten but before 15 years

    after 15 years

  • Post # 2
    Member
    9519 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    First- sorry bee! hugs!!

    Second- hindsight is 20/20 its good you have this perspective. Going through what you are about to go through will most likely not be easy or fun. You have great reasons, no lasting anger and the knowledge that this is best for you and your son. 

    Last- I don’t have much advice. I have seen this with my father a few times. Best to see a lawyer, look at your resources financial and other, then figure out the healthies out for you and your son. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    Wow, I feel for you hunny <3 I was in a relationship like this for close to 4 years (though not married) I felt the same exact way but could not bring myself to let go. He ended up breaking it off (thank God!) and I found my now fiance VERY shortly (like almost immediately) after and have never been happier in my entire life. Be strong! <3

    Post # 5
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee

    I was also in a relationship like this for just under 5 years. It took having my son to realize, I want to end the cycle. I don’t want him to grow up and think this is how a man acts.

    The end was very yucky, we fought all the time. One night he went to the bar or band practice and he came home and deleted me from his facebook. Mature right? I ended up being WW3 his defense was that he didn’t think i would notice. I said lets see of you notice this and walked out, and called my mom who took time off work and picked me and my son up and move us out of that awful town to never look back.

     

    I got home on a wednesday and met SO on saturday, and he is the most wonderful human being I have ever met. There is some one else, there is more to life then what your going through and thinking of now. There are years of happiness and laughs. There is so so so much. It might not know tomorrow, or even next year. You may not be ready, you might. Just don’t say no simply because its “too soon” 

    Post # 9
    Member
    9575 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’m sorry! But glad you’re getting out. 31 is plenty young for a fresh start. I would definitely get a lawyer ASAP. I would also see a therapist- you’re being very observant but you need to fully grasp what happened and how you let it, and it’s hard that this guy is your only significant example of a relationship. You need to see all the ways you deserved better all along, and all the flags you ignored so that you pick a better one next time and not another of the same. All the best bee, good luck xx

    Post # 10
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee

    sorry you are going through this Bee. I was married for 13+ years and turned a blind eye for many years because I wanted to keep up appearances and keep the family together. 

    Very early on in my marriage my ex had an inappropriate friendship with another woman who was a friend of the family. She even bought him gifts (she named a star after him, barf!). I don’t know if they ever got physical but the emotional cheating opened the door for the next inappropriate relationships he started in his office as he was climbing the corporate ladder.

    Post # 11
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    Oh girl!! *hugs* 

     

    I just got married to the best man ever….which is my 2nd marriage.  I am 32. My first marriage lasted 5 years. I knew within the first 6 months that he was a lying cheating narcissistic asshole. But whats a girl to do?? So I stayed. And had a daughter. Then, it kept happening. Again and again. Not just one night mess-ups, but full on affairs.  I made a lawyer appt but chickened out. Then one day, I was done. Really done. If you are at that place and you know it, call a lawyer and dont tell him a damn thing till the papers are drawn up. Then he cant smooth talk you out of your decision.  Show no emotion, he will see it as weakness. Cry all you want but not infront of him. My exhusband even said, “And what reason do you have to divorce me??” When I said repeated adultery,  he said “Ha, prove it!”. Ooooooh if I had a gun I might have killed him. Anywayssssss!!! My advice is honestly GET OUT! He wont get better and things wont change.  Dont worry about what it looks like to other people.  Take care of you!!! And believe me, I was scared to date again but happiness happened to me and I am so grateful! 

    Post # 15
    Member
    5778 posts
    Bee Keeper

    (((((hugs))))) I was 32 when I became divorced and a single mom. That was years ago & I don’t regret it for one second, it was the best decision for me and my kids. Your ex sounds like my ex & now you will get to experience the utter relief of moving past a bad relationship. That was my overwhelming emotion once the reality of our separation settled in- not anger or bitterness or sorrow, but relief. You don’t truly realize how much a bad relationship takes out of you until you’re free of it & can focus on a peaceful homelife and plans for a fresh start. Wishing you & your son all the best for your brand new future 🙂

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