- 3 years ago
I apologize for the length of this post, so here it goes.
I have been in a relationship with my SO for four years and living together for 1 year. (I am 25 and he is 29) I am completely head over heels in love with this man and despite our rough patches see myself with only him. We have been through so much that it’s breaking my heart that I put us in this situation.
I ask that you ladies be gentle with your advice as I already know and feel extremely guilty about everything. So here is what’s going on:
Last summer SO and I we’re having sort of a rough patch. I was unemployed at the time which caused a lot of fighting and disagreements. (a story for another day) One night we had such a huge fight I couldn’t stay in the apartment. That night I went over to my friends house and she gave me advice on the situation. She was having a get together at the time and asked me to stay to cool off for a bit. There I met this guy (let’s call him X) and he started conversation with me. (I didn’t think anything of this encounter as I am a pretty friendly person and can make conversation with anyone)
After this situation I went back home to my SO to try and work things out, after a long conversation we decided the issues weren’t that big of a deal to stress over. A few weeks later X sent me a message via Facebook and we started talking, at first nothing came of it so it was all innocent. As time went on things got flirty, the context of the messages were sexual and us making plans to meet up, but I could never go through with it so I would always back out last minute. Long story short his PREGNANT girlfriend sent me a message and asked me to stop contacting him which I agreed to. I never told my SO what happened, though I intended to but never worked up the courage to do so.
Fast forward a couple of months after and X found me on Instagram and wanted to maintain “the flirtationship”. I never replied to the messages, SO and I were getting along great. Then the messages were more frequent, and like an idiot I fell for it and started the flirting again. I HAVE never physically cheated on my SO and never intended too, I guess it was all a game to me. The last time X sent me a message I told him to quit contacting me that I didn’t feel right about it and I stopped contact with him.
Yesterday morning I receive a message from his girlfriend calling me all the names in the book and threatening to tell my SO. After I explained the situation it seemed like we had gotten on common ground and I didn’t think she would go through with it. Awhile after I got a text from X letting me know he sent the messages to my SO and so did his girlfriend. They have both conspired against me and sent my SO all the messages, but only the incriminating ones. It looks like I’m the one initiating everything and they didn’t bother to send the whole conversation where I asked him numerous times to stop contacting me, I even sent the messages to his girlfriend so she could see that he continued.
When he confronted me I wasn’t completely honest and he caught me in the lie. You can imagine how he is feeling right at this moment and he broke up with me. Last night I spent the night at my MIL’s house (we have a great relationship) and I came clean to her and SO’s step dad. They advised me to give him some space and go talk to him today and tell him the whole truth. They believe this is just another rough patch and we will get through this, but in my heart I feel our relationship is over and I have really broken him. I love this man and I do want to build a life with him. I am in no way excusing my behavior, trust me when I say I know it was so wrong and I should of stopped. But I am so broken, last night I couldn’t eat or sleep. All I do is replay everything in my head.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on how to approach this situation when I go talk to him. I can only be honest and speak from the heart, we have never gone through anything like this before so I am really hoping he hears my side of things. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
Has anyone been in this situation before? If so how did it work out?