I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

Coming from someone whose previous SO emotionally cheated on me for years: F you and the horse you rode in on. Your Fiance broke up with you. That relationship is over. The man you cheated with sold you out to keep his girlfriend. I doubt they’ll last much longer either. Now you don’t have your SO or the guy you were cheating with. 

Spend some time single and seek counseling to figure out why you did this.

Bye Felicia!

Post # 17
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For the flirtation boyfriend to also send these messages to your spouse alongside his pregnant girlfriend??…  there is something else not being said here.  

Of course you feel bad and for you I’m very sorry but when you talk to him you have to mirror his feelings.  How would you feel if he did this to you? 

Youve destroyed his trust.  It will never be the same for him. And he will bring it up again and again -if you ever get back together- during one of your many touch patches.

Between the lines it sounds like there is much more to this. You have to learn that just feeling bad after the fact- after being caught- and saying sorry does not make you a great good person. You may have to start fresh with a new guy and really be that good person you want to be?

The humiliation for him is worse because these other people know about it and he has no privacy now to even work through it.

Sorry bee.  Live and learn and work on not hurting others because it’s fun for you.

Post # 18
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ok, so you know you fucked up. I don’t need to tell you.

How are you going to get him back? I don’t know. You might not. It sounds like he doesn’t want you back right now, and you need to respect that. You don’t have the right to keep harassing him when he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to talk.

You need to realise that even if you DO get him back, it will probably take a LONG time to get anywhere close to where you were, and may never. So you have to honestly ask yourself if you want to be with him if it’s not the same. If he doesn’t trust you.

I think counselling would be a good call: figure out why you did this. If things were so great, why did you need attention from soemone else? Why dodn’t you stop the first time you were caught? 

Figuring out why you did this MAY help to convince him to take you back, but either way you need to understand so you don’t do this again.

Post # 19
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee

You have already received some great advice. I know this is a secondary problem but why did you go air your dirty laundry to his parents? No matter how much they may like you, you hurt their son big time. If you two do get back together this might not be something they can look past. It could very well alter your relationship with them and possibly add stress to the already stressful situation of fixing your relationship. 

Post # 20
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I too find it strange you went and told his parents, like did you think that would help change his mind? I would be embarrassed if my ex went and told my family my business. 

I wouldn’t pursue this relationship any further. Let him go so he can find some peace after learning his partner has been cheating on him. Learn from this mistake and work on yourself.

Post # 21
Member
9041 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

So really OP this is not just about cheating. You also lied to him and only fessed up to your act of betrayal once someone else let the cat out of the bag. Also rather than actually being sorry for what you did you only sound sorry for being caught and are trying to shift blame to the girlfriend and guy you cheated with.

It never amazes me more then when I read an OP by a cheater asking what they can do to get their partner back. The answer is you don’t get to do anything. You are the one that betrayed your relationship and cheated. The only thing you get to do is apologise to you partner and give them space. Then any decision on getting back together is entirely up to them, since they are the one who has had their trust broken and been disrespected.

So my advice is to grow up (because a rough patch is never an excuse for a mature adult to cheat) and stop trying to make excuses for your behaviour. The fault for betraying your relationship sits on your shoulders alone.

Post # 22
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

You admittedly screwed up, he’s let go and has a right to do so. Speaking to his parents about this was strange but I have a question. I don’t have an Instagram account so not 100% certain but is there no option to block someone there like on FB? You stated he sent msgs you initially ignored then supposedly you broke down and started comversing with him. All this could have been avoided (I think) by blocking his ability to contact you at all. Anywho, don’t feel you were 100% invested in the relationship and lying is a total deal breaker for me. It *might* be different if you decided to come clean but you’re not sorry for what you did you’re sorry you got caught and who knows how long this would have gone on or if it would have happened with someone else once you hit yet another rough patch. Nope, let it go and leave him in peace.

Post # 23
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

heavenlyflower :  Its super simple to block on IG. Like literally go to the page and push the block button. Tada!

Post # 24
Member
4857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Actions have consequences. Any other questions?

Post # 25
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

You get what you deserve.

Post # 26
Member
2518 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I was in your ex’s place and I broke up with him. I don’t think he should take you back. I think you need to do some serious introspection and learn from your mistakes. 

Post # 27
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The fact that you’re putting on the blame on this other guy is very telling where your mindset is. Let your guy go so he can heal. Dragging his family into this is unfair and embarrassing. This was not a rough patch. This was a very deliberate act over a lengthy period of time. You are not a victim in this at all. Don’t make it even worse by putting your ex through mind games and empty promises. He deserves to get out of this with a shred of dignity.

Post # 28
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Of course you know  you screwed up by cheating,  but you’re still screwing up. It’s  especially  selfish to try to get back with the person you cheated on after he broke up with you for such a valid reason. You didn’t  think of his feelings before you were caught.  You didn’t  think of his feelings when you were called out. You’re  not thinking of his feelings now.  To be blunt,  he has every right to leave you,  and if you care at all about his emotional  well-being,  you won’t  ask anything  more of him.  He has the information  he deserves to know,  and he decided with the knowledge  of your infidelity  in mind that he no longer wants to be with you. The right thing to do is respect his decision,  and refrain  from involving  his family in such a sensitive  manner.  Do him the kindness of bowing out gracefully  and accepting  the consequences of your actions.  You don’t  get to have your cake and eat it too

Post # 29
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should focus all of your emotional energy on moving on from this relationship. And possibly look into why you turned to emotionally cheating.

Post # 30
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I agree with others, you seem upset because you got caught. It’s not impossible to block people. It’s also not impossible to tell people no. You liked his attention and reciprocated and now Karma has come back around. 

I think it’s high time you spend some time and energy on yourself so that you’re not looking for approval or affirmation from men. Love yourself first. Tough lesson to learn, but a valuable one. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors