(Closed) I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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mimibee23 :  You cheated for a reason. You were obviously missing something from your relationship.

I think you should just move on..

Post # 32
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just thinking about it….. why was it so easy for you to tell his parents all about your infidelity but you couldn’t tell your spouse!?  

Post # 33
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Please do not fool yourself by thinking your relationship with his parents is stronger than his relationship with them – you should not share your private business with them again. If I was your SO, I would be infuriated by that as I’m sure it’s very isolating for him to lose his partner and have you in his parents house. 

The only thing you should be doing is giving him space to sort out his feelings and respect his decision. 

Post # 34
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

To be honest I agree with you.  I think you broken him.  Your window of opportunity to tell your side of the story was the moment he confronted you.  The fact that you weren’t completely honest makes it even harder to trust you.

My advice is to reach out and offer to him the truth.  Whether he chooses to take you up on the offer is his choice.  If he chooses to then be completely honest and take responsibility for your actions.  Don’t try to shift the blame onto him, the other guy or the pregnant gf.  Don’t play the victim card.  Be prepared to have angry outburst.  And most importantly be prepared that he is seeking closure.

While I know that’s probably not what you want to hear…  truthfully if you love him then help him.  Don’t focus so much on how broken you are.  Because at the end of the day your actions broke him.  You may move on from the relationship with regret.  But he may never be able to move on from the relationship.  

Post # 35
Member
4055 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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mimibee23 :  Sorry, Bee. You’re getting a lot of flack for this post–and imma bout to bring some more.

The short answer is this: No, I have never been in this situation because I respect DH too much to allow myself to ever come CLOSE to something like this. Trust is a massive staple of our relationship and I would rather chop off my own hand than betray his trust. Additionally, I do not need to seek validation outside of my relationship. All of my needs (physical and emotional) are more than being met by my husband. Further, if the roles were reversed and it was DH, he’d be gone. Not just for the initial betrayal, but also LYING about it when caught. When you’re caught, fess up. Come clean. You lying just further proves you’re more interested in covering your own ass than actually coming clean. 

Give your guy some space to process and wrap his head around everything. The person he trusted more than anyone in the world has been lying and cheating on him. That’s a lot for anyone to deal with. I wouldn’t pressure him too much to speak with you or “understand” your side of things–you cheated. I need you to really let that sink in. Even if it was “only a little bit” or “not physical” you flirted, you got sexual, you made plans to meet up. All of that is bad, bad, bad. 

You need to understand that he may not ever get to a point with you where he can get past this. And I am 100% on his side. You need to get yourself to a point where you do not seek emotional of physical connection outside of your relationship. 

Post # 36
Member
7065 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You are totally getting dragged in this thread and I feel a little bad for you. But only a little. I tried to imagine if you were my sister what I would say to you and then if your SO we’re my brother what I would say to you. It’s pretty much the same either way. You fucked up. Royally.

After the pregnant girlfriend contacted you and you continued flirting with this guy you were at an extreme that I find unconscionable and disrespectful as hell to all involved.

I think you should give your ex some space and then genuinely apologize to him, taking full responsibility and then you need to move on. He deserves better than your immature, disrespectful behavior and you clearly need some time and space to grow up.

PS- to me, flirting with other people is not the worst possible thing in a relationship, but the lying and continuing the behavior when you’ve been told you are overstepping the boundaries of another relationship are absolutely not okay.

Post # 37
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

I would send your SO screenshots of the messages showing you told X to stop multiple times

Post # 38
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You emotionally cheated and then you lied about it. It’s time you let this relationship go. It doesn’t sounds like you respect your SO. I agree with those who suggested you find counseling for yourself. It’s time to take responsibility for the part you played in this situation. You could have blocked him and never responded to future contact!! 

Post # 39
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee

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yupmarried :  but how does that help the OP’s case though? She was fully capable of ignoring or blocking the other guy but chose to engage his advances instead. I am not trying to be rude just legitimately curious about your suggestion.

Post # 40
Member
1264 posts
Bumble bee

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yupmarried :  she could’ve blocked him!!!! Just telling the guy to stop was a half hearted attempt. If she really meant to end the emotional affair, all she had to do was press a damn button. 

Post # 41
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

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mimibee23 :  I think all you can do is offer up honesty and let your SO know he has the right to know the ENTIRE situation, but it is his choice to hear/ see or not. 

Post # 42
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

You aren’t ready for a mature committed relationship. This scenario is proof of this. Use it as a life lesson and move on.

Post # 43
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry, but you’re getting everything you deserve. You cheated. You lied when you were caught. He deserves better than you. Do him a favor: move out and don’t look back. 

Post # 44
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee

You gotta just let the pieces lay on the floor with this one. Don’t try to put it together again. 

Right now your freaking out because every thing you know is crumbling around you and change is scary so your trying to go back to the status quo with him. But that wasn’t working. 

Next time you find yourself having issues with a SO…be confident and either work it out to where you are satisfied or have the courage to leave. When you love and respect yourself… conflict in relationships only goes one of the two above ways. 

When you don’t love and respect yourself you allow cheating and chaos to be a part of your possible options.  Next time don’t allow this to be your life! 

When your SO contacts you. Answer his questions as he asks them and Apologize sincerely. And then move on. Use this as a fresh start to do better, have better and be better in the future. 

Post # 45
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - Emerald at Queensridge

Honestly if you guys argued that badly before this cheating incident, I wouldn’t have advised that you guys get married anyway. The relationship wasn’t great to begin with. Move on.

The topic ‘I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP’ is closed to new replies.

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