Post # 46
Why did you lie when he confronted you!?!? I mean that was your chance to lay it all out on the table and ask for forgiveness.
He is understandably hurt and humiliated. Put yourself in his position. Depending on the exact content of the messages he saw, he may forgive you or he may not.
All I can suggest is give him some time to recover, and then be 100% honest with him. And yourself too, I think you have some growing up to do tbh!
Post # 47
It sounds to me like the relationship you had with your SO was not as satisfying or acceptable as it could be, hence the self-sabotage. I’m not saying that you deliberately ventured into dangerous territory, as you most likely weren’t doing so consciously. But something caused you to throw all caution to the wind, and act in a manner that would ultimately erode your trustworthiness. It’s unfortunate that so many people ended up getting hurt in the process but what’s done is done. At this point, I would accept the end of your relationship as another chapter in the book of lessons learned on honesty, integrity, dignity, and trust; seek counselling for yourself, and move forward as a better person.
Post # 48
Thank you everyone for the advice! I know i deserve everything that was said to me, I am not excusing my behavior or trying to blame anyone else for this whole ordeal. To answer some of your questions the relationship wasn’t perfect that’s why I said we had our rough patches in the past. We have been through so much with me being unemployed, issues with money, he needed emergency surgery, etc. We have also dealt with this before from his part so I completely understand him. I decided to stay and he earned my trust back, I am not asking him to do the same for me and I woulnd’t bring this up to him because it’s in the past. As far as telling my in laws what happened, I work with his mother (everything unfolded while I was at work). She was the first one to see my reaction so I couldn’t pretend like everything was fine. She’s like a second mother to me and we have the kind of relationship where she’s seen me at my worst and has always been there for me.
Post # 49
mimibee23 : Maybe if you both did this to eachother it’s time to move on. I know you love him..but that’s a huge red flag if both of you aren’t willing to committ 100% of the time.
Everyone has their own shit. It’s not a reason to justify cheating..
Post # 50
mimibee23 : So you’ve both emotionally cheated on one another, along with a whole plethora of other issues. Bee, it’s time to let this relationship go. It is not good or healthy. It should not be this difficult after only 4 years. Time to move on.
Post # 51
i agree with the PPs – you screwed up and all you can do is be completly honest with him at this point.
i suggest speaking with him and showing him all the conversations you’ve had with X (so he can see that it was not one sided). perhaps offer some explanation of why you emotionally cheated. the explanation will not pardon with mistake but maybe he can get a better understanding of why you did what you did.
you have to be very understanding and patient – if he forgives you, it doesn’t mean your relationship will go back to normal. it would require a lot to rebuild the trust that was lost.
and please, please next time if you experience rough patches in your relationship, do not take comfort with someone else. use that energy to fix your relationship. also, try to be very open with each other about your feelings and your communication- honesty goes a long way in a relationship.
i hope that helps and good luck. i hope that everything works out for the best.