(Closed) I Confess

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Oh you definately belong here, and we’re even in the same boat.  I’ve been with my SO (I can’t stand saying boyfriend at the age of 30!) for 5 1/2 years, and he’s never initiated a wedding related conversation, and I know there is currently no ring.  You’re not alone, and welcome!

Post # 4
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Gingernx01:  are you saying that you’ve discussed marriage and he’s given you a timeline, but it’s years away?  and you don’t want to wait that long but you’re willing to wait? 

i’m not sure why he gets to dictate the timeline.  i feel like it should be something the both of you discuss and agree upon together.  maybe i’m too new school and i get the whole waiting for the guy to propose thing, but if i was ready to do it like now and my SO wanted to wait 5+ years, there would have to certainly be either a compromise or an understanding on my part of why we should wait 5+ years.. because it’s unfair for you two to be on two different pages..

 

Post # 5
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Gingernx01:  Oh sweetie! I feel soo bad for you! You do belong here! How old are you both if you don’t mind me asking? Here’s my story and this might help.

 My SO and I have been dating 5 years, lived together for 4 years and 9 months ( lol)  All major purchases are done together ( All the cars we own are in both of our names, apartment. ect.) We both said we wanted to get married to each other when we were only together for 2 months, he took me to look at rings at a year and a half. I didn’t think it was coming then, but then all of a sudden it HIT me like a train that I want to be married. I went from loving relaxed girlfriend to straight up crazypants. No joke, wedding crazy. I felt like he should have done it already,but no he kept buying rims,tires and motorcycles. I was hurt. One night I just lost it, I let it ALL out ( after his dad got engaged they were only dating 1 year to the day!) I said how I felt that he didn’t care enough and how come if you know you want to marry me it’s taking SO long. I cried and yelled and seriously couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth. He felt horrible, he held me while I cried and told me that he doesn’t see what the RUSH is. That was it, I got up and walked out. When I came home about 2 hours later, He was soo upset. He said he didn’t mean to say that, he meant that he’s been getting sooo much pressure and all I talk about it weddings that he felt I lost the reason for the wedding ( wanting to marry him). We talked, I promised( and failed haha) I wouldnt mention weddings for a while but I gave him 3 years( I know it will be sooner then that, but I didn’t want to give him an ultimatum.). Needless to say, I stopped talking about it for about 2 weeks..was on the computer and saw him looking at rings!

  So I guess what I’m saying is try to show him WHY he fell inlove with you in the first place, and what he loves about you. Why would he ( or any man! lol) want to marry a girl who ONLY wants a wedding! Now I still talk about weddings and all that but he is looking at rings EVERY day, that’s a great step from him telling me every time someone mentions it he will wait another year!

  Sorry I wrote sooo long I just want to make you feel better! Hugs!!

Post # 6
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

*hugs*

Hey, I’ve been waiting SIX years (in October) for a ring! Has he at least said when he thinks he might be ready to propose – a year, 2?

How old are the two of you? If you’re still in your 20s, I can see why he doesn’t feel the need to rush. My SO is 33 and can’t get his sh*t together!

Post # 7
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee

I’m in the same boat as you are, don’t worry! I’m definitely ready to be married (dating 1.5 years), but my SO wants to wait until we have been dating 2-3 years before getting engaged. I think its worth having that discussion about a timeline (although ours always end with my tears of frustration lol). I do know that I was straightforward about letting him know I wanted to be married before 30 so we could enjoy our time together before children, and he agreed and thought that was reasonable. If your guy doesn’t want to talk about it or isn’t willing to discuss the next steps, then you might need to re-evaluate your situation.

 

Post # 8
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

@Gingernx01:  Nah ginger I’m right there with you! Lol. I know I’ve been saying that we’ve been looking at rings, but it’s really just me. I look online, I even went to the jewelers by myself to see what I liked! I guess I’m just ready and I know he is too, he really just needs a little push (he’s a guy, what do you expect?) Anyway, I’ve also gotten the “there’s no rush” response from him (probably because we are 23 years old), but when we’ve been together for 7 years I don’t see it as a rush IN THE LEAST. You are definitely not alone in that I am doing all of the initiating, researching, etc.  I think we should all just stick together on this!! And we’ll get there.

Post # 9
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futuremrsk18:  I’m with you on this.

I don’t think it’s fair to you that your long term SO is not willing to budge. You make up 1/2 of the relationship. Relationships rely heavily on communication and understanding the needs of each other. Just because he has said yes he definitely wants to marry you and knows how he wants to propose, it isn’t fair to you. The feelings you have now are probably going to get worse and possibly cause a bigger problem within your relationship. Have another talk with him when you’re up to it, your needs shouldn’t be pushed to the back burner!!

Post # 10
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

@Gingernx01:  *hops in the boat with you and straps on a life vest* I know how you feel! Wine?

Post # 12
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

The advice I always give to girls in this situation is that if you love him, but are not willing to wait indefinitely for him to be ready, tell him that he can take all the time he needs to be ready, but know that you will not wait forever. It’s not an ultimatum, and you’re not pressuring him to propose. It’s just that if time passes and you find yourself not being able to do it anymore, you will have to walk. Enjoy your relationship until either you feel that you’re not being fair to yourself or he decides he’s ready.

Post # 13
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Gingernx01:  Well, you guys are still fairly young and as long as you agreed to a 2-3 year timeline, then that’s fine.  It sucks that everyone else is getting married, but their timeline might not be yours.  I’m 28 and probably won’t be married utnil 29 and I’m totally fine with that.  I’m in no rush to have a certificate tell me I’m entitled to more rights, you know?  My Fiance and I have a future plan that we’ve discussed and it includes each other, buying a home together, having kids together, etc.  That’s what a marriage is to me.  The wedding is just a fun celebration of that.  Maybe if you think of it that way, you won’t be as “impatiently” waiting – not saying that you’re impatient, but I don’t really have another word to use!

Post # 14
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

@Gingernx01:  My boyfriend is not one of those of which you speak.

He isn’t saving as far as I know, he’s ignored all of my hints, from the subtle to the not-so-subtle, hasn’t requested my ring size or style preference, and definitely hasn’t bought anything.

Not everyone is waiting with the end in sight. 😛

Post # 15
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Gingernx01:  I hate to bring up the age thing, but you are still young.

A good book to read while you’re waiting is “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.” (I talk about this book all the time. I’ve read other books, I promise!)

Don’t mind the title–it DOES sound like he wants to marry you, but it has a lot of good things in there about how men come to the decision to commit, and how that has to do with factors like age, education level, etc. It will help you determine whether his decision to wait a couple more years is reasonable and to be expected, or whether he’s stringing you along. (Which I don’t think he is. If he was, I or someone else would say so!)

Happy waiting for now, though.

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