(Closed) I confess: I don’t like FI’s last name….

posted 6 years ago in Names
Post # 4
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Legallyblondiebride:  This decision can be tough. I actually am leaning heavily towards taking FI’s last name. This is only for some practical, and some I admit, a bit silly, reasons. One, is that it is alliterative with my first name. I love my last name, and it is extremely unique (I know everyone with it because someone changed it a couple generations back to something strange). However, for practicality’s sake, I want to have a family name for our kids etc. It’s just making more sense for me to take his last name. We talked about him taking mine, but it doesn’t sound that great.

Anyway, all that is to say that it is a big decision. And, you don’t have to make it right now! You can wait until you’ve been married for a bit to make a decision. Don’t worry about what your in laws think, you’re the one who has to deal with the paperwork and identifying with a new name. Explain to Fiance that you love and respect him, and this decision does not change that, no matter what you decide.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly I think hyphenating it is a good compromise. I would explain to your Fiance that your name is equally important to you as his name is to him. Your the one who is going to have to live with this name, so you should be the one comfortable with it.

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I didn’t change my name, I’m not really sure why people think it’s somehow disrespectful not to. If you’re marrying the person and committing your life to them, isn’t that pretty much the greatest form of respect you can extend to a person? Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with!

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Legallyblondiebride:  I really dislike my new last name, it’s boring and common! Oh the flip side, no one asks me how to spell my last name anymore!   I took it because I want the same last name as my kids and to just have cohesion as a family unit, it doesn’t bug me now that it’s done! 

Post # 9
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KatyElle:  agreed, don’t do it just out of ‘respect’ do it for yourself and your own reasons or don’t do it at all =)

Post # 10
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Agree with KatyElle –

I hope your Fiance will understand how much you already love your given family last name.  Whatever makes you the most happy is what you should do.  Neither him nor his family should see it as a sign of disrespect.  It’s 2012, after all, and a lot of people don’t change their names with marriage any more.  It has nothing to do with how much you love and are committed to him.

Post # 11
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You can always keep your name after the wedding and let it settle for awhile and see how you feel. I go back and forth on this on about a daily basis and have no idea what I will do. It’s a big decision and something YOU will have to live with so make sure you are happy with whatever you decide. 

Post # 12
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I could have written this myself. When Darling Husband said “I wish you were more excited to take my name” I felt terrible. I ultimately decided to change my middle name to my maiden name. 

Post # 13
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Darling Husband really wanted me to change my name. But I didn’t, and 1.5 yrs later, he’s fine with is.

I don’t think you even HAVE to compromise and hypenate- This is YOUR name. Your name should not impact your Darling Husband at all, it doesn’t make you any less married or any less of a family.

Post # 14
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Keep your last name. You’re an individual, not an extension of your husband. I also know a lot of people DO change their last name simply because they don’t like their own. You have the opposite of that, and the moral principle behind it.

Post # 15
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mixtapehearts:  Agree.  I had no intention of changing my name, until we went on our honeymoon 6 months after the wedding.  It was only at that point that I realized I did want to have the same last name, because I liked the way it made me feel more connected, and like a family unit (note:  I said FEEL like… keeping your name, and/or living common law rather than being married makes you no LESS of a family unit).  The feeling really surprised me… you might have a change of heart to, or you might not.  Just be married for a little while, and see how you feel in a few months.

Post # 16
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ll admit that my last name is pretty kick ass compared to FI’s, but I’m traditional.  I will be taking it because it is his and I love him.  Every one is different and I don’t think it’s disrespectful/hurtful if you don’t.  FI made a compromise with me though and decided to name his plumbing company after me so I at least have it in my life somehow.  =)

ETA: You were technically BORN with a last name your mother took from your father, correct?  Taking a man’s last name isn’t the same what it used to be regarding “property” and being a “stay at home mom/”slave” centuries ago.  I’m not trying to persuade you or anything like that.  Just saying a lot of things have changed.  =) 

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