(Closed) I confessed… This is a controversial post but I need help! (Long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP, Why is he refusing to go to counseling? That might be the best way to work through this issue. 

Post # 5
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@KsoontobeN:  Do you feel you were raped or do you feel you cheated?

Post # 7
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m sorry to hear that. Pre marital counseling was a great help to Fiance and I. I’m sorry I can’t really give you any advice other than to make sure he doesn’t bottle up his feelings and try to talk about the positives of talking to a counseling since this is so serious. 

Post # 8
Member
4099 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

OP, I’m sorry I can’t give you advice, but I hope that you can get things figured out :-

Post # 10
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP, People are human and make mistakes. Even good, nice people make mistakes.   I forgave my Darling Husband in a similar situation, and I’m sure yours will forgive you.  You should work on forgiving yourself.  It is hard enough with your Fiance so upset.   Even God can’t go back and change what has already happened.  You can only move forward.  If you two survive this, you will be a stronger couple than ever.   

 

 

 

 

 

Your Fiance will need to learn to trust you again, and that can take a long time.  Be patient with him, and be kind to yourself.  I hope you two can eventually get into couple’s counseling.  It helps!   Thinking of you! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry- but this is not rape. YOU didn’t stop the situation because you made an assumption about his personality. Being short tempered does not make someone an animal.

You asked him to stop half way through and he did. 

Take responsibility for what you did.

Post # 12
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@theone99:  That’s exactly what she’s doing, if you read her posts.

Post # 13
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@theone99:  that’s a little harsh.  No, it’s not rape but she did take responsibility by telling her Fiance.   She is looking for support.

Post # 15
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Im sorry this is somehting you are having to deal with but it really is up to him to decide if this is something he can work past. He may just need some time to think through it all, I have no doubt you are truely remourseful and that you would never do this to him again but he needs to be able to forgive you before trust can be rebuilt, and this may take some time. Just keep talking to him and find out why he wont do counselling. It may be a good idea to clarify to him that going to counselling doesnt mean he has to decide right now about forgiving you instantly or deciding right now to stay or go but it still a good idea to go for the sake of the relationship.

Goodluck to you, I really do hope it will work out.

Post # 16
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@KsoontobeN:  I think you’re being fairly rational about your situation by seeing things from his perspective. Sadly, I think you’ll have to bear any consequences that come from this and I don’t think it would be wise to bring up the ‘rape’ aspect of what happened.

 

Instead of focusing on why your Fiance won’t attend counseling, you may need to do things individually because he may not be ready to deal with it all yet. I suggest that you attend counseling/therapy on your own to help you sort out your feelings and meanwhile limit your social drinking because it’s clear that you can’t be responsible when you do.

 

The topic ‘I confessed… This is a controversial post but I need help! (Long)’ is closed to new replies.

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