(Closed) I could cry (Long vent).

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m a little confused.  I thought FCIL meant future cousin in law, but the way I read your post it seems like she is your FI’s sister.

My Future Sister-In-Law made it a point to tell everyone she was going to get married before her brother & she did.  I looked at it like this.  Although, she’s a spoiled brat, she’s my FI’s sister.  She’ll always be in my life.  Fiance loves her and I’ll love her too.  Even if it is a learned love.  So I shoved the bitterness of being overshadowed by her to the side (except with my family and friends) and make it appear I was always happy for her.

You’ll have to do the same.  I really would hope no one would bring a baby in the world just to overshadow someone else’s big event.  I don’t think you should be obligated to have someone in your wedding that you didn’t ask.  Why don’t you turn the pregnancy around to your advantage?  So ohh dear FCIL, you definitely will need lots of rest and don’t need to be bothered by a little ole thing like my wedding.  And be forceful by it.  Don’t let her tell you she’s going to be in your wedding. It’s your wedding. 

As for the paying of stuff.  I wouldn’t plan a wedding that you and Fiance can’t afford yourselves.  It’s nice when partners offer help, but I wouldn’t expect it or ask.

Good luck dear! Remember to smile!

Post # 4
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you need to start exercising your right to not give a f***. Your wedding day is about the love between you and your husband and sharing that bond with the people who love you. Why is this woman even a bridesmaid? You have ALLOWED her to affect your life. So… Stop allowing it. Keep people around that are committed to your happiness. Every area if your life will fall apart if you let other people take the reins. Stop giving away all your power. Pay her no nevermind. Let her amuse herself with her own antics. What does it have to do with you? Let her be crazy all by herself. Have your wedding the way YOU want to have it. The people that love you and want the best for you will be there supporting you.

Post # 5
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Double post ๐Ÿ™

Post # 6
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I have no idea why you would want her in your wedding. I would keep her as far away from it as you could. Secondly, while she could get married when she wanted, she certainly can’t get pregnant on cue. I think it’s very odd to ‘announce’ that you are trying to conceive (eww) so I’m sure the majority of your family realizes she’s just after the attention. If anyone mentions her or her attempts at family building, I’d smile and say you are focusing on your own wedding and creating a life together with your Fiance ๐Ÿ™‚

Granted, I’d probably ignore my own advice and go off the deep end, but in a perfect world, that’s what I would do.

Post # 7
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Also, just because she starts *TRYING* to conceive in December does not mean it will happen. And if it does, it’s not anything you really have control of. Try not to sweat the small things. Enjoy YOUR engagement for what it is. When time comes near to your wedding, you will see how supportive your families get.

Also try to keep in mind that weddings DO bring out the worst in some people, and you’ll have to roll with those punches– but that addage isn’t true for everyone. Keep your chin up, and focus on your own household, and not FCIL.

Post # 8
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow… I am so sorry! ๐Ÿ™ This is some serious bull crap right here! 

 I know you are trying to ‘do the right thing’ and befriend this girl… but I have to say it sounds like you’re only hurting yourself in the process! 

I agree. Exercise your right to not give a f*** even if it IS family. (( hugs )) to you and know that no matter what, you have every right to be excited about/talk about your wedding. DO not let this bitch overshadow you. There may be tears behind closed doors but in her presence give her no reason to think you’re upset or mad or even wanting to befriend her. The sooner she realizes her immaturity is getting nowhere, the better. 

 

Post # 9
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

You empower her by caring.

but I realize this is a vent! I’m so sorry, you have all this drama constantly with the family ๐Ÿ™ Time is the best healer!

Post # 10
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m not sure if you’re looking for advice but try as hard as you can not to give her the attention that she’s searching for…just focus on your FH and rely on your family and friends for support. I realized early on that my DH’s family didn’t care about our wedding when we were engaged and I really had to make an effort to not talk to them about it at all. It seems big right now, but don’t feed into it, it’ll die down. Just try to focus on the positives!

Post # 11
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Who the fuck ANNOUNCES that they’re *trying* to conceive?!?!?!   That is bizarre.

Post # 12
Member
14661 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mightywombat: That what my first thought too!

So how did you react when she said she’d probably be 7 mos at your wedding?  You should just start playing super ass nice to her.  Whatever you do, don’t let her see that she’s getting a rise out of you.  Who cares if she wont be able to afford the dress, or go to the wedding or anything like that, why would you even want her there??  You should use this info to give her the out and just be done with her. Screw her and the unsupportive famly… just focus on your Fiance and postive people.

Post # 13
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is an odd situation, but it’s your choice to participate in the drama.

Post # 14
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mightywombat: Yeah I couldn’t even focus on the story cuz all I kept thinking was how ridiculous it is to announce to your family that you’re going off your birth control in 3 months…

What happens if she has trouble conceiving and has people asking her left and right if she’s pregnant yet? I agree with the PP’s who said you shouldn’t care. Not that it’s wrong for you to be upset, just that you are in a situation where you could stop being affected by not caring.

Post # 15
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I toootally understand why you’re upset! I would tell her “oh hey, since you’re TTC, I’m gonna let you off the hook as a bridesmaid so you can relax and prepare for a baby”

THEN get a new, helpful, non-dramatic one!! What a beezy.

Post # 16
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs. Puffin: Agree!

OP, I can understand how frustrating it can be to feel like you are constantly being overshadowed by her, but i don’t quite understand why you are letting her affect you. Try to focus on what it important, and as someone else posted above, just because she is going to ‘try’ to get pregnant in December doesn’t mean it is guaranteed to happen. Good Luck!

The topic ‘I could cry (Long vent).’ is closed to new replies.

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