Post # 1
Evening lovely bees. Hope everyone’s day was splendid.
Well, as you can see from my title, I could use some advice or suggestions. J and I had a LDR for a little over a year. Once I finished my class and Christmas passed, I basically moved into his parent’s house (living here until we get our apartment). Then I was offered a job on Friday to work in his area as well – so it’s official that I live here full-time. Very awesome in my eyes because the LDR thing was getting old and we both couldn’t take it anymore. There’s only one problem though. I have no friends around here.
J has his guy friends that he likes to hang out with every once in awhile. You know how it goes. People get older and they eventually get married and/or have kids. Then there’s the full-time job. So, it’s hard to find time to hang out it seems. Well, J has been getting opportunities to hang out with his buddies here and there, but he’s been declining because he thinks it’s too awkward to live me sitting at his parents’ house while he goes out. Him and his friends typically just hang out at each other’s house so it’s not a big deal. I told him before that it’s fine. I don’t mind. He NEEDS his guy time. I don’t want his buddies giving him shit for not hanging out either and then blaming me. It’s happened before. He also has no problems with bringing me along if his friends do want to go out, but once again – he needs his space. COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE. – just emphasizing that so people don’t get on my butt about giving it to him.
Anyways, how do I get him to go out and hang with his friends? How do I stay away from feeling jealous that I don’t have anyone to go do the same with? I know that I shouldn’t feel that way or feel left behind, but I think emotions from disaster relationship brings them forth. My ex of over three years began ditching me and our plans to hang out with his best friend and his now girlfriend. It was a very painful situation for me because I was away from home again and his parents called me a “w”itch, controlling, etc.
If anyone has been in this situation before or has any advice/suggestions to share, I’d be forever grateful. I don’t want this little thing to become a huge problem and eventually lead to useless fights.
Thank you in advance. Sorry for the long post.
Post # 3
Make plans for yourself. Start taking a fun class at the gym, at the art store, at a local community college or adult education school. During that regular time you are away it will give him a chance to go do something as well. And the bonus is you may make friends that you can go out and have girl time as well.
Post # 4
Ditto with what @lefeymw: said. Sign up for a class, join a book club, go to the gym, do some volunteer work-anything you are interested in to free up time for him to be with his buddies.
Post # 5
I’ve been in this exact situation before. Give him time by making time for yourself. Be good to yourself, pick yourself up and *make* the time for you to do other activities and find friends. Realize that time for yourself and friends *is* an important factor of life that you deserve and go out there and find it. 🙂 What are your interests? Get busy livin’ and enjoy yourself. He will see you are happy settling in and that good energy will all come back to you and your relationship tenfold.
Post # 6
Definitely ditto what the other bees have said. Give yourself a few nights where you are the one that’s busy. That will free up his time to go hang with his buddies – especially if he knows what nights those are ahead of time. Even if you don’t feel like taking up a hobby or volunteering – you could just go shopping, head to a book store, go to the movies… just something for ‘you’ time, where he doesn’t feel like he can’t go out. I’d say doing something with other people might help with the not knowing anyone in that area issue (not that it was really an ‘issue’). Good luck! It may take a lot of effort to figure out something you enjoy in the area – but the effort will be well worth it in the long run.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. Some of these thoughts have crossed my mind before, but being new to the area and not having money, it’s been tough. I’ll definitely take it all into account now that I have a job (which will definitely free up time now) and have some cash for myself.
Post # 8
meetup.com has groups that dont cost much (I was in a mommy, and also a walking group for I think $12 a year) and can go with what ever intrest you have. They are nation wide too. I looked up your city and there was 280 meet up groups. you should look at their calanders they show and see if any of the activities require other money (like cover charges) My walking one never did, but the mommy one we sometimes went places like the Zoo and I had to pay my way.
Just an idea
Post # 9
@weeonebride: Thank you. I’ll be sure to check it out!
Post # 10
agree with PP… i recently moved to seattle to be with my bf (now fiance), my family lives thousands of miles away (literally). i have a couple friends here, but not as many as he has.
i try to stay busy… join a gym, a club – maybe a book club or something that interests you. you will definitely meet people!
i totally felt the same way in the beginning, but just stay busy and things will start to feel better.
Post # 11
Just wanted to say that meetup.com is really cool, and maybe you & your fiance can find different groups to join. I’ve already found a book club and a paranormal investigation group that I’m interested in, so good luck!