(Closed) I could use some career advice…

posted 8 years ago in Career
Post # 3
18636 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really don’t see how a dual military career for the long run works with kids.  Possible deployments, different duty stations, I just don’t see how it’s good for have a family.  Is there something about being in the military that appeals to you that you can get in another career field?  Would joining a company as a DA civilian work?  You are still supporting the war fighter, even if you aren’t one yourself.

Post # 4
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My personal view is that because you discussed this topic extensively prior to getting married, you can’t expect your husband’s views to change.  Basically, it sounds like you agreed to not have a career in the military when you married your husband.  I don’t think it’s fair to him (or your relationship) to change your mind on a topic you already came to a consensus on.  Are there other similar areas that you can pursue and still get a sense of accomplishment from?

Post # 5
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am really sorry you feel this way. I am going to attempt to help 🙂 I would first of all like to thank  you for supporting your husband while he fights for our country and thank you for wanting to fight for your country. I think being in the military is a very respectable job.

I would also like to mention that I was an “army brat”. my dad was a first Sargent from before I was born until I was 13. The longest he was away was when he was in Korea for 2-3 years. I spent the majority of my life traveling. My mom worked too…not in the military but odd and end jobs (store, gas station, bakery). We never stayed one place very long until we moved right before he retired, then we stayed there. I am telling you this because I could not imagine if my parents were both in the military…I felt so distant from my father growing up because he was only home on the weekends at the most. 

I am not sure what your schedule would be? Would you take turns being deployed (I am speaking very ignorantly here…i dont know how this would work). 

Also, I have to ask…what stopped you before? why did you ALMOST do it but never really go through with it? Sometimes we think we want something but in reality it is not best for us. really just want things because we can’t..it is just human nature. I am not saying this is the case here but that is something that crossed my mind.

I suggest making a pro/con list. spend days on this list…make it and keep coming back to it and adding stuff. think about 1 year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years and so on. picture your life and how it would be with you in the military, just him, or both. think of why this is your dream. if after making that list, the pros of joining the military outweigh the cons then you need to seriously talk with your husband. If it is not his dream to be in the military maybe he could leave and you could join?


I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 6
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have been an Air Force girlfriend for almost 2 years now and I will very soon be an Air Force wife (Saturday!). I really have to agree with the PPs. I dont know how it would work with both partners being active duty. I know that dealing with FI’s schedule is tough enough. I cant even imagine working with 2 military schedules.

I also agree that you should maybe look into something related, but not active duty? If you really must be military, have you maybe considered just going reserves?

Post # 8
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Is your friend joining the only reason that you are second guessing your previous conversations? Were you ever really ok with the decision to not join or did you do it to placate him? It sounds to me like you have not fully embraced the choice to not join.

Also, would you be joining the same branch as your husband? Don’t they try to at least get you stationed at the same duty station but not the same CoC?

Good luck! I know that this is a difficult issue with which to deal.

Post # 9
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

“It appears that most of you are in agreement that I lost my chance to do that and I need to continue to pursue civilian employment while supporting him. Fair enough. Would your opinion change if you knew that I was a full figured woman at the moment whose husband is sexually attracted only to fully figured women and his main argument would be that I would need to lose weight to join?”

This paragraph is much more concerning to me than his lack of support.  If your husband is standing in the way of your dreams because he likes you a little heavier, I think there are bigger issues.

Post # 10
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

To be honest, I’m not really sure why he has a problem with you being in the military as well?
I mean, technically being the wife of a military man you are already living the military lifestyle.

If you were IN the military you guys would get deployed together. There wouldn’t be months and months of separation!

From what I understand (BIL & his wife are both in the AF) the military encourages family life. They tend to deploy couples together. Both or nothing.

They have two kids and honestly they have SO much more than the average American in terms of health care and childcare.

At the end I think you need to search first what YOU want to do and how it fits into the two of you as a unit. I guess I would want to know WHY he is so against you enlisting? If you were in with him it would mean more time together!


Post # 11
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

This one’s complicated.

On the one hand, I understand what everyone is saying and I agree with a lot of it.


at the same time, it’s hard for me to tell you “sure, give up your dreams.” And I’m not in the same situation with you, but my Darling Husband and I have been through different career paths in our lives (admittedly, we’re still young in our early 30s, and no kids, so we’re not talking about the same thing, but you know, he was a gallerist who became a special education teacher; I dropped out of law school and started grad school) and when it comes to our personal hopes and dreams, our philosophy has been “Make it work.” It’s possible that your husband had a bit of a kneejerk reaction and maybe there is a way that it can work. There have to be couples who are both in the military–seek them out and talk to them. Investigate what kinds of careers you could have in the military and if they’re harmonious with his. Right now it sounds like you’re disagreeing “in theory” and it might help to get more facts going to figure out what’s really involved.

But before you do all that legwork, figure out if this is really something that you want to do–really and truly.

Post # 13
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with @Lindsay12.31.2010. I think that’s not a good reason for you to give up your dreams.

I understand all the points against it, but I just can’t condone completely tossing out your dreams. If reserves is a good way to go, then I think you need to go for it. You need to be happy in your family, but also happy in yourself, so that down the road you don’t have any regrets about your situation.

Post # 15
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If a big reason that he doesn’t want you to join is that he doesn’t want you to lose weight, that’s just selfish. 

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