I cussed at my husband and now he wants to kick me out of the house

posted 3 weeks ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Bee, this is NOT a healthy relationship, and you should not be in it. Who cares what anyone thinks? You need to do what’s healthiest and safest for YOU. He is an abusive piece of crap in case you weren’t already aware, and he’s got you thinking that spilling food on your pajamas is a damn cardinal sin. So, yes, leave, leave, leave now. 

Post # 3
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017 - Central Park

My message box is always open for you. Please don’t hurt yourself. Please find someone who will be able to talk with you objectively and healthily about this- a friend, a family member, a counselor, a hotline- find someone who can help. This relationship sounds so hurtful and toxic. Everyone makes mistakes, but they shouldn’t be made to feel how you’re feeling. You are not an idiot. You are a person who deserves to be loved and feel loved. Please be kind to yourself and do what you feel to be safest- if that’s leaving and going home to your parents, then do that. You need to prioritize your health and safety right now and forget anything else. Again, please message me if you need to. Stay safe.

Post # 4
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You need to pack your things and leave and thank your lucky stars that you aren’t legally tied to him. I’m sure your parents would rather deal with your failed relationship than bury their daughter. 

And Bee–everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Everyone. 

Post # 5
Member
7239 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Girl, I’d be saying “Fuck you” to him, too. He sounds terrible. Bipolar and OCD or whatever issues he may have, dude is abusive and an asshole. Pack your stuff and move out. You’re better off single than dealing with that treatment. Don’t get back with him.

Tell your family “I picked the wrong man, and gave him the wrong finger.”

Post # 6
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
@jdbc0615:  You need to get into therapy ASAP if you are contemplating suicide. That’s number one priority here. I can tell by the way you speak about your mistakes that you are way too hard on yourself, this should be addressed in therapy once those suicidal feeling subside. The good news here is that you are not legally married, go back to your parents. Ok, it may break their heart hearing what you’ve been through but it will break their heart even more if you stay one more day. This man is abusive. You should never be yelled at or called names, and it’s disgusting that he’s doing this for minor mishaps on your part. Also, you lied…ok, this was a white lie, it’s not like you cheated! Please get the heck away from this man ASAP!

Post # 7
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

You lied because you were afraid of his abusive reaction, not because you’re being deceitful. 

Please go to your parents’ house. You need to be away from him. Immediately. 

Post # 8
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

Your cursing at him is justified considering the kind of names he called you.  You snapped after taking what honestly is abuse from him.  Any abuse in a relationship calls, at minimum, for counseling, but leaving the relationship is often the right response.  This is even more so when you aren’t even married, with the legal entanglements that go with it.  This is who he is, there’s no doubt his bipolar disorder contributes to this.  Is this something you want to deal with on at least a somewhat regular basis going forward?  I wouldn’t.

Like any other relationship that contains abuse, it doesn’t matter what your family thinks.  They will be happy that you’re getting out of that situation.  If they are family members worth having in your life, they will also provide you some emotional support and some assistance in extricating yourself from this relationship.  I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this.  Take care of yourself, this isn’t your fault that it’s happening.  DO NOT contemplate suicide at this time.  Suicide is a last resort for when there is no path forward in life.  You have a path forward.  You can leave this relationship, stay single for a while, and eventually try to find yourself a more healthy relationship.  Life is still worth living, there are brighter days ahead once you’re out of this mess.

Post # 9
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@jdbc0615:  Girl…i’d be saying fuck you to him also.

Please go to your parents house, immediately. You need to get the hell away from this asshole – as he will never ever change…

Post # 10
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee

I’m honestly surprised it took you 6 years to say “F*** you” to him. After all that verbal and mental abuse, you deserved to stand up for yourself and he deserved it.  I’m so sorry that you are in this situation but it’s not going to get better. He is not going to change.  Please know this is not your fault and please do not contemplate suicide – your life is so worthwhile and you have so much to live for!!  There is a better life for you out there still, but you really need to leave this relationship.  Get into therapy for yourself, get stronger, get your friends and family to support you.  People who love you and know what you are going through will rally behind you. You do not need to put up with his behaviour for the rest of your life. You deserve to be happy.  Don’t make any more excuses for him.  He is not the right person for you and it’s ok to admit you made mistakes because you thought you loved that person, but it is not ok to be treated like crap and be spoken to in such a terrible way no matter what his issues are.  No one deserves a lifetime of abuse.  Hugs to you!

Post # 11
Member
10299 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@jdbc0615:  

The best possible thing would be to leave, ‘kicked out’ or not. He has YOU blaming yourself and calling YOURSELF stupid, idiot ,wrong etc etc. Your lie was nothing more than a defence against expected abuse. – which happened anyway – and as for your saying ‘fuck you’ , he has said far worse things and done far worse things to you. I don’t doubt the bipolar and ocd and that is bad, but does he take his medication? Is he in therapy? Or it is it his best weapon against you?

Leave, and leave now. And don’t tell him when or where you are going. I would put money on him getting violent once the begging and crocodile tears fail. Make sure they do fail too, or this will be just one more chapter in the book of your life with him . Keep us posted dear OP. 

Post # 12
Member
9141 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@jdbc0615:  Sweetie! I’m so sad that he has done this to you. Everyone makes mistakes. I drop food on myself all the time. Do you know what my husband does? He offers me a napkin with a smile on his face. A loving smile, not a mocking one, much less speaking meanly or making me feel bad about it. Your beloved should try to make you feel better, not worse, when you make a mistake. And please please please don’t think about killing yourself!!! Why does a mean abusive bully deserve to live and you don’t?  Lose him and find yourself. You deserve happiness, bee. You might be sad and embarrassed for a few weeks, maybe a couple months, but then you will feel SO FREE and so relieved. I am sending you strength. 

Post # 13
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee

He is abusive. He doesn’t treat you the way he does because you’re a liar or not competent or making mistakes. And his OCD or whatever is not an excuse either. He is cruel. And he is 100% abusive. 

He has programmed you over the past 6 years to believe you’re at fault for his misbehavior and cruelty. 

As an outsider, it’s obvious to me that you need to leave and fully end this relationship because you are being mistreated and abused. However, I recognize that it’s not that simple when you’re actually in it. But I really hope that you’re able to get the help and support you need to leave. 

 

Post # 14
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Honey, the only thing he said in all this that made sense is:  “Pack you stuff and leave”.  Please do as he says.   That is EXACTLY what yo need to do.   Yes, it will make people sad for what you have gone through, etc.  THERE IS NOTHING ELSE FOR YOU TO DO THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.  This guy is a creep, an asshole, a jerk, and he deserves no woman.  He has belittled you and made you miserable for six years and he has just about broken you.  FUCK HIM and good riddance.  Leave his lousy ass in your past, be thankful you are not legally tied to him, and forge a new life for yourself.  DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.  DO NOT GO BACK TO THIS MAGGOT. 

Post # 15
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

You aren’t married, stop calling him your husband or letting him throw your ‘marriage’ in your face. You are not married, so you were just living with a boyfriend and his parents. You have absolutely nothing to do to end this relationship except pack your shit and block his number. 

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