(Closed) I cycle between never wanting to have kids and wanting to have one tomorrow…

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

I love babies and their cute tummies and fat cheeks and their smell!  ::sigh::  Buuuut, I am also CFBC.

Sometimes, my husband and I will see an adorable baby at church and we’ll nudge each other and smile and think the baby is the cutest thing ever.  And, for an *extremely* brief moment in time, I’ll get lost in that feeling and wonder if we should reconsider our CFBC decision.  But then reality hits me and I remember just how tough parenitng is and what it all involves and how it *so totally* doesn’t coinside with what my husband and I want for our marriage.  ๐Ÿ˜›

You can love kids and work with them and be an amazing teacher or mentor or aunt or what-have you and still not want to have any children of your own.  It’s totally normal and not selfish at all.

Best of luck in your decision!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 33
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

All. the. time. 

I want a child badly, mom is definitely something I want to do with my life. At the same time, I enjoy the freedom we want. For me, i’ll be waiting a bit longer to fully go into TTC. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 34
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Thank you thank you thank you for saying this! This is me 100% and it sucks! 

Post # 35
Member
4343 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I felt this way about….3 years ago, right around the time we first got married. I basically made a mental “rule” for myself that we weren’t going to TTC until I could go at least a solid month thinking I 100% wanted kids. Fear is normal, but I didn’t want to TTC until I was 100% sure it was the right thing for both of us, and we were both 100% on board.

Now that I am pregnant I can honestly say that if I didn’t know 100% it was what I wanted I would probably really resent it. 

I would say give it some time…you’ll come to the right decision for you, either way. There’s no rush.

Post # 36
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

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MissesAwesome:  One of my coworkers just ADORES babies. She goes ga-ga for them and if someone brings a baby into the office, she has like a homing device. She will hold them, and cuddle them, and play with them, and tell everyone she LOVES babies. I am like, the opposite, since I run and close my office door until the baby has left the building!

But…once they get to about 1, she has little interest.  Like you, she is also very aware of the reality of what parenting would mean for her and her husband’s life. She, like me and you, is CFBC. So we come in all sorts of different forms ๐Ÿ™‚

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saratiara2:  I think this is fantastic advice. I know very well the old adage is “if everyone waited until they were 100% ready no one would have kids” (because I have heard it told to me many times) and so some may disagree with you, but I don’t really agree with this adage or the prediction. It is after all a subjective 100% to you and your partner, so your 100% might be someone else’s 50%, or heck their 100% twice over. Having children, choosing to become a parent, IS a big life changing decision. I personally would not get married, change careers, go back to school, move countries, or heck get a new tattoo, if I was feeling only “somewhat” on board with the idea, so it has never made sense why people are encouraged to do just that when it comes to parenthood.

OP: I obviously am CF so can’t speak from the perspective of feeling ambivalence and choosing parenthood, but I was someone who had a lot of ambivalence about having children/parenthood in my 20s before choosing to be CF. I just wanted to comment that it is no more or less selfish to consider a life free of children than one with them. Even when people have children, they are doing it for reasons relevant to themselves, there are always “I wants” in there. So, I am just saying that the right decision is the one that is right for you. For me, the balance tilted right over to a life free of children and parenting; that was the life *I* wanted. For others, the balance tilts over to having children and parenting, that is the life *they* wanted.

Post # 37
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

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RayKay:  Ha haa!  Your friend sounds like me!  I have BabyDar and can spot a baby a mile away!  (I also have PuppyDar!)  Annnd, just like your friend, I prefer them as babies, but nothing older.  Tee hee!  So yeah, you’re right, we CFBC peeps come in all sorts of different varieties.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 38
Member
4343 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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RayKay:  I totally agree with everything you said, and I absolutely hate the idea that people should just go for it and it wil work itself out. We’re talking about a human life here. There’s not a ton of room for error.

And as you said, I said until *I* felt 100% ready and certain, and DH did too. That may be very different than what someone else would “require” to feel 100% ready.

Post # 39
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I feel the same way. I’ve never had baby fever, to be honest. My husband and I are an “older” couple so we decided to go for it and try to conceive. I have some health issues so I’m seeing a specialist. She said “I know most women who want to be pregnant, want to be pregnant yesterday”, and I thought to myself, that isn’t me at all.

She went on and on about my age and my husband’s age and how difficult it would probably be to get pregnant, as if trying not to get my hopes up, and honestly I wasn’t crushed. I think a child would be a blessing in our lives but if it doesn’t happen it’s not the end of the world. Husband is more excited about it. I’ve never shared my feelings on this with anyone as I fear judgment, so I’m thankful I can do it here.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by cheezits.

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