Post # 1
I was very surprised this morning to wake up to an email asking me to be a bridesmaid. I grew up with the girl who asked me and we used to be very close. However, we haven’t seen each other in years (and we live about 20 minutes apart) and we only speak very occasionally over text. I felt like maybe she was asking out of a sense of obligation because of our history, but I don’t feel like I am close enough to her to be involved in her wedding.
I wrote back to thank her for asking and to explain that I can’t make the time or financial commitment right now. I wrote that I would have to respectfully decline, but that I’d be happy to attend the wedding as a guest (to be fair, I’m currently bouncing back and forth between 2 provinces and she lives in the one I’m rarely in – I wouldn’t be able to be a good BM and flights back “home” cost around $500).
She immediately called me and gave me shit (which I think is totally inappropriate). Just because someone asks doesn’t mean I am obligated to say yes and her reaction was very extreme. Have you ever declined being in a bridal party? How was it received?
Post # 3
Of course you can decline! She sounds like she might be a bridezilla in the making.
Post # 4
Wow! Of course you can decline! from how she reacted, I would be glad you did!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t have the balls to decline – so good for you! But, yes you are allowed! You can’t be forced to do anything. Sure, it may burn bridges but if you don’t care in the first place, then no loss there. I also wouldn’t have the balls to bitch someone out for declining!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2014 - local park
maybe everyone she’s asked has said no because she has no one really close to her and you were the last straw? Doesn’t give her the right to call you up and yell at you, but I know I’d be really upset if I didn’t have any friends and people kept telling me no…not that I really think this is plausible but I was trying to see it from her side 😉
Post # 7
@MrsPanda99: Wow her response was really not necessary. You have every right to decline and it sounds like you responded in a nice way.
Geesh sounds like you avoided a potential bridezilla…..
I have only been in 2 weddings ever and both were with whom I was really close to and couldn’t imagine saying no. I really would have no problem saying no if I were in a situation similar to yours thou…..don’t worry b/c you haven’t done anything wrong!
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Based on her psycho reaction, I’m thinking you dodged a bullet by declining. I would rather someone be upfront about not being able to make the commitment than accept only to be flaky later.
Post # 9
wuuuuut? Of COURSE you can decline! I don’t think she should have called you up to give you shit about it, but declining a BM “position” can be taken as a slight.
Post # 10
You had every right to do what you did. You thanked her for asking you and politely declined. She was completely out of line to respond the way that she did.
Post # 11
Yes, you can decline. In fact, I intend to decline any future invitations to be a BM, at least for the foreseeable future. Everyone that I would be willing to make that kind of financial and time commitment for will be married by the end of this summer.
Ms. Crazypants needs to relax.
Post # 12
@weddingbound: I was just trying to avoid commiting to something that I couldn’t deliver on (I have read so many threads on here about awful BMs). I feel bad, but I wasn’t rude at all and I was intending to buy her a nice gift (obviously that won’t be happening now). I would have been okay with her expressing disappointment but she was very rude to me. I have been a bridesmaid before for my sister and one of my very close friends. I have no problem commiting when I am close to someone but it has been 3 years since I’ve even seen this girl :-
@Brielle: That’s what I thought! If someone says no, you can’t yell at them. That would be like brides calling every “no” RSVP to chew them out. C’mon now, that isn’t fair.
Post # 13
I declined a BM position last year and the bride didn’t seem upset at all. She completely understood. It’s sad that she called you to yell because you declined.
Post # 14
@MrsPanda99: I dnt think u hav to talk to someone everyday to b good friends. My best friend whom I adore and grew up with only talk to twice a year now; luckily i found out she moved to close by so we speak more often now. To me a friendship is a friendship. I do understand ur declination as it would b extremely difficult to maneuver back and forth and it’s financially burdensome. she should hav respected ur decision as it sounds like u made ur reasoning clear and In an appropriate manner. I just believe her feelings were hurt bcz she sees u as a long time friend Even if dnt.
Post # 15
@MrsPanda99: eek. Probably a good thing you said no. I’m curious at what kind of shit she could have possible given you. Like any kind of logical reason for being mad?
Post # 16
She probably thought that anyone who considers themselves her past/current friend is contractually obligated to be in her wedding no matter their circumstances.
If I ask someone for a favor or a request, there is always the option of declining. Same goes for me – I can always say “no,” whether or not that’s the answer someone wants to hear.
Good for you for declining… imagine what she’s be like if you accepted, but couldn’t perform up to her expectations? Nightmare avoided.