(Closed) I declined being a BM…but I'm allowed, aren't I?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
67 posts
Worker bee

Of course you can decline! She sounds like she might be a bridezilla in the making.

Post # 4
3783 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow! Of course you can decline! from how she reacted, I would be glad you did!

Post # 5
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t have the balls to decline – so good for you! But, yes you are allowed! You can’t be forced to do anything.  Sure, it may burn bridges but if you don’t care in the first place, then no loss there.  I also wouldn’t have the balls to bitch someone out for declining!

Post # 6
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - local park

maybe everyone she’s asked has said no because she has no one really close to her and you were the last straw?  Doesn’t give her the right to call you up and yell at you, but I know I’d be really upset if I didn’t have any friends and people kept telling me no…not that I really think this is plausible but I was trying to see it from her side 😉

Post # 7
8422 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPanda99:  Wow her response was really not necessary. You have every right to decline and it sounds like you responded in a nice way.

Geesh sounds like you avoided a potential bridezilla…..

I have only been in 2 weddings ever and both were with whom I was really close to and couldn’t imagine saying no. I really would have no problem saying no if I were in a situation similar to yours thou…..don’t worry b/c you haven’t done anything wrong!

Post # 8
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

Based on her psycho reaction, I’m thinking you dodged a bullet by declining. I would rather someone be upfront about not being able to make the commitment than accept only to be flaky later. 

Post # 9
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

wuuuuut? Of COURSE you can decline! I don’t think she should have called you up to give you shit about it, but declining a Bridesmaid or Best Man “position” can be taken as a slight.

Post # 10
11422 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009


You had every right to do what you did. You thanked her for asking you and politely declined. She was completely out of line to respond the way that she did.

Post # 11
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, you can decline.  In fact, I intend to decline any future invitations to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, at least for the foreseeable future.  Everyone that I would be willing to make that kind of financial and time commitment for will be married by the end of this summer.

Ms. Crazypants needs to relax.

Post # 13
8 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

I declined a Bridesmaid or Best Man position last year and the bride didn’t seem upset at all. She completely understood. It’s sad that she called you to yell because you declined.

Post # 14
1522 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsPanda99:  I dnt think u hav to talk to someone everyday to b good friends. My best friend whom I adore and grew up with only talk to twice a year now; luckily i found out she moved to close by so we speak more often now. To me a friendship is a friendship. I do understand ur declination as it would b extremely difficult to maneuver back and forth and it’s financially burdensome. she should hav respected ur decision as it sounds like u made ur reasoning clear and In an appropriate manner. I just believe her feelings were hurt bcz she sees u as a long time friend Even if dnt.


Post # 15
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsPanda99:  eek.  Probably a good thing you said no.  I’m curious at what kind of shit she could have possible given you.  Like any kind of logical reason for being mad?

Post # 16
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

She probably thought that anyone who considers themselves her past/current friend is contractually obligated to be in her wedding no matter their circumstances.
Common mistake!

If I ask someone for a favor or a request, there is always the option of declining. Same goes for me – I can always say “no,” whether or not that’s the answer someone wants to hear.

Good for you for declining… imagine what she’s be like if you accepted, but couldn’t perform up to her expectations? Nightmare avoided.

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