Post # 1
Today a friend who is new to dating texted me telling me how she had met this new guy she is excited about and that she is really scared. I sent back a “any man who doesn’t make you feel amazing, happy and cared for doesn’t deserve you.”
Well, it made me realize that here I am waiting around for some guy who “wants to take it slow” to want anything with me. We’ve dated exclusively from the beginning but he still calls me “the person he’s seeing.” sigh. yadda yadda yadda Honestly this guy has been good to me and treated me well but he seems a bit of a commitment phobe – either that or he’s just not that into me. If I stop all my excuses for him, oh he’s so good to me stuff, what it really boils down to is that I want someone who wants to be with me and cherish me… I don’t know how reasonable I am being, I met this guy a few months ago and we are LDRing – i’m not sure if it is realistic for me to even want him to fall head over heels madly in love with me.. I know that sometimes relationships happen at different paces but being in this limbo period sucks.
I’m not looking for advice, I guess I’m just expressing myself – just letting some stuff out that I’ve been holding in, perhaps even fooling myself. It is a process. I guess at some point I need to make a decision to walk away if things don’t change. If you’ve been in a similar spot, I would love to hear from you.
Post # 3
It’s making you upset that he seems to be moving so slowly, correct? Where are you in the relationship at this point? Ideally, what would make you happy?
I know you’re saying you’ve dated for a few months, but how long is that?
Post # 4
Lol, I have PMS.
I think I do this to myself sometimes.
So I just spent a lot of time reading that “when did you say I love you” thread and I feel better now.
The guy and I have been dating about 2.5 months..we were kind of friends for a month or so before that. The thing is we had a really really intense emotional/sexual connection in the beginning. We’ve told each other a lot of things that we would never have told anyone else.
I think when things started getting real though, it freaked him out and he was like, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how I feel. etc etc etc. Granted I am just really intense and I think that scares people.
I realize I don’t want to be waiting around forever or even too many more months. I don’t want to keep feeling unwanted. I realize I need to love myself more and put myself first.
Post # 5
@gut_feeling: I remember your post from the long distance thread.
I’m sorry to hear that he only refers to you as the woman he is seeing. I know that that would upset me greatly so I imagine it can hurt for you to hear it.
I don’t think that any of what you said should be constituted as a “rant”. The fact is that it can really really hurt when you seem to be far more invested in a relationship than your partner is.
I don’t think that it is unreasonable to want a partner who wants to be with you (and shows it through words and deeds-and referring to you as his girlfriend-at least for me the title means a lot!) and cherishes you.
I’d suggest making a firm deadline for a couple months from now where you’ll re-evaluate the relationship and any steps he has (or has not!) taken. If he’s still unable to commit at that time I’d suggest going into a firm discussion with him about it knowing in the back of your mind that you will leave if the issue aren’t resolved.
Trust me, you don’t want to spend a long time with someone only to find out that you know you basically wasted your time on them.
Post # 6
@FEDORAble: thanks very much, i agree with you. i used to think about all of this deadlines stuff as silly but a girlfriend of mine said the other night, “how many more 6 month periods do you really have left at this point?” it was mildly funny but she was dead serious. oh the joys of being single in your 30s.
it’s not so much the time line as it just hurts to feel this way especially because this guy really tried hard to create a safe space and make me feel like he cared about me so i would open up to him which was very hard for me to do. he made me feel like it was safe for me to be vulnerable, then suddenly he’s like i don’t know how i feel. you totally hit it spot on.
this really hurts :'(
i’m going to visit at the end of march and if at that point he still has no clue i have to choose myself – i’ve even contemplated sucking up the airline ticket change fee and not going at this point. no matter how amazing the “potential” is, i believe i am worthy of love and i think i’ve suffered enough.
thanks so much for your post, i really appreciate it.