Post # 1
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
I snooped.
I know, I know. I totally get what I deserve. But I logged on to Mr J’s MoissaniteCo account just to see if he had the ring already. Well, not only does he not have the ring, he has only put a 10% deposit on it. This was back in October, and he hasn’t made a payment since. I really appreciate the fact that he even put a deposit down, but it’s still disappointing to know that it could take over a year for SO to even pay it off let alone propose.
Before I snooped, I also kinda made him go into a jewelry store with me. We just looked around, we looked at rings I like and then wedding bands that he liked. We saw this really cute band that the sales lady made me try on, I liked it but I wasn’t in love with it. After we left, SO told me how frustrated he was because he wanted to be able to buy me that band but he just couldn’t afford it. I said I don’t need a band, I just need him and I don’t care that he’s having money issues right now.
So, now that I know for a fact that he’s having money troubles, it makes me want to offer to help pay for my engagement ring. But then I know if I offer, I’ll look like I’m forcing his hand. Which I would be, because I do want to get engaged like, right now lol. But in the end, our relationship is more important to me than a ring. I can be disappointed and frustrated all I want but I have to come to terms with the fact that I’ll only get a ring when he can afford it and when he’s ready to propose.
I have a question though, because we have been talking about christmas gifts and such. Can I just ask him to put any money that he would spend on gifts for me toward the ring? It just seems like a waste to me, when that money could be put toward something that I’ll wear for the rest of my life vs some pretty bauble that I’ll wear occasionally.
Sorry if this is confusing at all. I’m just sad. And I need to join the Shut It Up Pact so I stop talking about wedding/ring/proposal stuff unless he brings it up. *Sigh*
Post # 3
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
Sorry, I know it’s crappy advice, but you need to just wait it out and let him pay it off in his own time. I wouldn’t advise that you suggest helping him pay for it unless you guys are having an non-engagement-related conversation about money and the topic of the ring comes up and he seems receptive. I only say this because it seems like he’s very frustrated about his current money issues, and even though it may not be a reasonable reaction, he might feel very demasculated if you were to say “Honey, just let me pay for the ring”. I could be totally wrong and it might actually be a weight off his shoulders if you did suggest helping him pay for it; only you know him well enough to decide what to do or not do.
But in the meantime – though it’s difficult – try to relax and know that he’s going to marry you. He put money down on the ring. For all you know, he could just be waiting for a bonus or tax return or something like that to come through and a proposal could be just months away.
Most of all – don’t snoop about this anymore! It will only drive you crazy and will lead to no good.
Post # 4
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
@starla: Thank you! I know I don’t want to make him feel like less of a man, just because he can’t afford a ring right this instant. And I’m not going to snoop anymore, I just get upset and no one benefits from me being a grumpy gus.
Do you think I should mention him putting money toward the ring for christmas, though? Or should I just leave it alone? WAITING IS SO HARD! *Pout* lol
Post # 5
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
If he is the kind of guy who wants to do it himself, it’s best to let him. However, I am pretty sure that Moissyco has a rule regarding layaway that you’re supposed to make at least a 10% minimum payment every month. If 90 days go by without payment then the order will be cancelled.
Post # 6
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I don’t get how offering to help pay for it is forcing his hand. I personally couldn’t be with a man that wouldn’t even entertain a discussion like that without pulling the “you’re pressuring me” card.
Fiance was out of work when we got engaged. We decided together how we would proceed with our plans. An engagement involves 2 people and I strongly believe you have a right to be an equal partner in the process. My Fiance is pretty traditional but I ended up helping to pay for the ring (which he promptly paid me back after getting a job). He was tired of waiting for a job to get engaged and didn’t want to get me anything less than my dream ring. So, we came up with a solution that worked for both of us.
Post # 7
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
@FutureMrsJohnson_: I would just ask for something inexpensive for Christmas so you don’t wake up to an empty tree. Just something nice you’ll like or you need that isn’t very costly. Or give him an upper limit of what you want him to spend on you, saying you’d rather put money towards savings than spend a lot on gifts this year. He’ll most likely get the hint without you mentioning the ring 🙂
Post # 8
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
@6598731ssfse3: I know they have that rule. I told SO about that rule before he put the deposit down, but I don’t know if he remembers. Does MoissaniteCo send out reminder emails of payments due?
@MrsWBS: I guess the “forcing his hand” thing comes from my mom, she just tells me to stop talking about it and to not pressure him.
@starla: I might mention something like that, we have already talked about a limit because of his money issues at the moment. But he said he’ll probably have a hard time sticking to it just because he wants to get me everything I want/need. Another thing is that SO has always said (and I’ve found out the hard way) that he is
horrible about picking up subtletly at all or hints in general, and to just come out and say what I’m trying to say. :/
Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
@FutureMrsJohnson_: After we left, SO told me how frustrated he was because he wanted to be able to buy me that band but he just couldn’t afford it.
well, it sounds like he definitely knows you want an engagement ring, and that he has made it clear he wants to buy you one! so I think it would be totally appropriate for you to tell him to save whatever christmas money he might have spent on you and put it towards a ring. my advice? make it seem like you have no idea he already put a ring on layaway. just make it clear that you mean some day — so he doesn’t feel pressured to get you a ring this christmas and that he has plenty of time.
Post # 10
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2009 - Mountain Meadow/Mansion
He’s put down a deposit, so he’s on his way to making your wishes a reality. In the long run, I think you’ll be much happier if you let him do this in his own time.
If you do talk about Christmas gifts, and there is an opportunity to discuss it directly, you might tell him that you know that engagment rings are expensive and that you don’t mind a smaller gift/him using what he would spend on a gift toward your ring.
Post # 11
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
last christmas, i was pretty much in your shoes. and i DID say “i’d rather you save your money for my ring than buy me an expensive present.” we were pretty openly talking about it though and i made sure i didn’t sound snarky when i said it. it took him until march to get the ring, and then he waited 4 more months to propose! ahhhh. it’s so funny though…. those months felt so long to me. every week felt like an eternity. but now that we are engaged, 5 months has flown by and i forget ever being so anxious. it WILL be worth it.
Post # 12
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
@janie-janie: He knows I know about the ring, it was on sale and I’m the one who told him about it lol.
@MrsT2009: I’m now planning on bringing that up the next time christmas gifts are brought up by him.
I just feel like I bring it up all the time, but I know that I don’t really (like maybe 2x a month). I’ve just always been about instant gratification; anything I wanted, I researched, then bought/done if it was still a good deal/idea. I’m a control freak (if you didn’t catch that lol) and it’s just hard putting all of this in someone else’s hands, even if it is SO’s wonderful, wonderful hands. 
Post # 13
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Maybe he doesn’t want to get engaged while he’s struggling financially?
Post # 14
Member
19 posts
Newbee
Honestly, if the ring is a priority for him, he will put the extra money towards it. He doesn’t need to be reminded to do something like that. Just try and relax!
Post # 15
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
I think offering to help pay for the ring is all in how you word it bring it up. Marriage is the joining of two people, two lives, and two… bank accounts. If you two are planning on getting married (which, you obviously are), helping each other out with finances is just part of the picture!
Also, I had to join the “Shut It Up Club” (<–lol, by the way), and just as the cliche goes, as soon as I stopped bringing it up, he asked! (And I was so shocked, I closed the door in his face… oops!)
Good luck 🙂
Post # 16
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
Ok ladies, I talked to SO earlier about using whatever money he was planning to spend on christmas gifts toward the ring aaaand HE SAID OK! Haha, he said as long as I’m sure that’s what I want. And I told him 100% it is what I want! If I keep doing this for every gift giving event (Valentine’s, anniversary, birthday, etc) I should get the ring sooner than I thought. Woo Hoo!!
Thanks everyone, for your kind words and advice. They are all greatly appreciated and just one of the reasons I love the ‘Bee.