(Closed) I did a bad, bad thing (kind of a vent)

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry, I know it’s crappy advice, but you need to just wait it out and let him pay it off in his own time. I wouldn’t advise that you suggest helping him pay for it unless you guys are having an non-engagement-related conversation about money and the topic of the ring comes up and he seems receptive. I only say this because it seems like he’s very frustrated about his current money issues, and even though it may not be a reasonable reaction, he might feel very demasculated if you were to say “Honey, just let me pay for the ring”. I could be totally wrong and it might actually be a weight off his shoulders if you did suggest helping him pay for it; only you know him well enough to decide what to do or not do.

But in the meantime – though it’s difficult – try to relax and know that he’s going to marry you. He put money down on the ring. For all you know, he could just be waiting for a bonus or tax return or something like that to come through and a proposal could be just months away.

Most of all – don’t snoop about this anymore! It will only drive you crazy and will lead to no good.

Post # 5
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he is the kind of guy who wants to do it himself, it’s best to let him. However, I am pretty sure that Moissyco has a rule regarding layaway that you’re supposed to make at least a 10% minimum payment every month. If 90 days go by without payment then the order will be cancelled.

Post # 6
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t get how offering to help pay for it is forcing his hand.  I personally couldn’t be with a man that wouldn’t even entertain a discussion like that without pulling the “you’re pressuring me” card.

Fiance was out of work when we got engaged. We decided together how we would proceed with our plans. An engagement involves 2 people and I strongly believe you have a right to be an equal partner in the process. My Fiance is pretty traditional but I ended up helping to pay for the ring (which he promptly paid me back after getting a job).  He was tired of waiting for a job to get engaged and didn’t want to get me anything less than my dream ring. So, we came up with a solution that worked for both of us.

 

Post # 7
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  I would just ask for something inexpensive for Christmas so you don’t wake up to an empty tree. Just something nice you’ll like or you need that isn’t very costly. Or give him an upper limit of what you want him to spend on you, saying you’d rather put money towards savings than spend a lot on gifts this year. He’ll most likely get the hint without you mentioning the ring 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  After we left, SO told me how frustrated he was because he wanted to be able to buy me that band but he just couldn’t afford it.

well, it sounds like he definitely knows you want an engagement ring, and that he has made it clear he wants to buy you one! so I think it would be totally appropriate for you to tell him to save whatever christmas money he might have spent on you and put it towards a ring. my advice? make it seem like you have no idea he already put a ring on layaway. just make it clear that you mean some day — so he doesn’t feel pressured to get you a ring this christmas and that he has plenty of time. 

Post # 10
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009 - Mountain Meadow/Mansion

He’s put down a deposit, so he’s on his way to making your wishes a reality. In the long run, I think you’ll be much happier if you let him do this in his own time.

If you do talk about Christmas gifts, and there is an opportunity to discuss it directly, you might tell him that you know that engagment rings are expensive and that you don’t mind a smaller gift/him using what he would spend on a gift toward your ring.

 

Post # 11
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

last christmas, i was pretty much in your shoes. and i DID say “i’d rather you save your money for my ring than buy me an expensive present.”  we were pretty openly talking about it though and i made sure i didn’t sound snarky when i said it.  it took him until march to get the ring, and then he waited 4 more months to propose! ahhhh. it’s so funny though…. those months felt so long to me. every week felt like an eternity. but now that we are engaged, 5 months has flown by and i forget ever being so anxious. it WILL be worth it.

Post # 13
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Maybe he doesn’t want to get engaged while he’s struggling financially?

 

Post # 14
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, if the ring is a priority for him, he will put the extra money towards it.  He doesn’t need to be reminded to do something like that.  Just try and relax!

Post # 15
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think offering to help pay for the ring is all in how you word it bring it up. Marriage is the joining of two people, two lives, and two… bank accounts. If you two are planning on getting married (which, you obviously are), helping each other out with finances is just part of the picture!

 

Also, I had to join the “Shut It Up Club” (<–lol, by the way), and just as the cliche goes, as soon as I stopped bringing it up, he asked! (And I was so shocked, I closed the door in his face… oops!)

 

Good luck 🙂

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