(Closed) I did a bad thing :( Help please!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8729 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it depends on how you asked for the address. Did you say something about it being for wedding invites? If no then if they ever ask just say you were updating your christmas card list. but you could also be honest and say you got carried away and have since had to scale back the invite list.

Also can I suggest that if it is a Destination Wedding and people will have to travel/take leave/save that everyone invited should get an STD. Also it can be confusing for guests if some people get STD’s and some don’t. If they communicate at all with each other it can make people think they weren;t invited and then B-listed when they get the invite.

Post # 4
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think if you mentioned a wedding invite would be forthcoming, it’s in incredibly poor form to not follow through. Suck it up and invite them.

Post # 6
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I feel like you should just invite them. If it is a destination wedding, chances are they won’t make the commitment unless you are close friends, in which case, I’m sure you would be glad to have them. That’s just my opinion but I would notice if you asked for my address and never sent an invite. 

Post # 7
533 posts
Busy bee

Obviously these people you asked for their address know you are getting married. Asking for it and not following through is rude. You shouldn’t of asked until you were 100% certain you were going to follow through with it. Suck it up, as you said, and invite them. 

Post # 8
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

@ella84:  Even though you didn’t specifically say the addresses were for the wedding, I’m sure they were able to put two and two together.  Are you sure you can’t invite them?  There’s a good chance they won’t come because it’s a destination wedding. 

Post # 9
13291 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s very rude to ask a guest for their address and then not send the save the date.  You shouldn’t have approached anyone without being certain that they were invited.  Now, I think that you do have to invite them.

Post # 10
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

I would invite them.  You bascially already have…

Post # 11
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I have agree with others – even though you didn’t state it was for wedding invitations, it was overtly implied just given the timing of the request and the fact that most know you are in the middle of planning. For six people, I do think you should extend the invitation. Chances are, it being a Destination Wedding and all, you will get a few more “NO’s” that you are initially expecting just because people won’t want to/be able to/can’t afford to go. My vote: send them the invite.

Post # 12
14 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do think you need to follow through and invite, but to echo what others are saying: since it’s a Destination Wedding, there’s a healthy chance that these friends won’t be able to make it -especially if you guys aren’t “I would jump in front of a moving train for you” close.

Post # 13
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to invite them.  I also wanted to comment on the PPs’ comments that it’s a Destination Wedding and they probably won’t come if you’re not that close.  We are having a Destination Wedding and thought that as well, and as our RSVPs are trickling in, we have been shocked at the people we expected not to come, including our “courtesy invites,” that have decided to make a weekend out of it and are coming.  So I wouldn’t count them out necessarily.

Post # 14
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

as long as you didnt mention that it was for the invites, dont worry about it. If they question you, tell them you lost your address book and had to get a new one. Itll blow over unless you are a really bad liar.

Post # 15
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

due to it being a dw- i think everyone should get a save the date. how else would  they be able to save up the extra thousand to attend. i have found that more guests decline the invite due to the costs involved, leaving more space for these other 6 people.

But u cut these six off the list, as in they are not as important to me?  dont fool them in thinking u want them there, but don’t really. 

Post # 16
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Almost everyone I asked for an address followed up by commenting on the wedding.  If you want to avoid inviting them, then send back a “thanks, just trying to get my christmas list in order” or send them a card quick for the 4th of july 🙂

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