Post # 1
My husband is getting some oral surgery right now and he gave me his phone turned off. I’ve noticed he has been really clingy to his phone lately when before he hasn’t cared. I did something awful, I searched through his internet history and completely over stepped my boundaries, but what I found made me feel worse.
in his history are two weeks full of personal as searches on craigslist from all over the place. Every day there are at least 30 different links clicked on craigslist want ads for sex, even this morning there were links clicked, while I was getting ready to take him to the surgeon. I don’t know what to think. I clicked on a couple links and they are extremely explicit with words and nude photos.
it makes so much sense now, two weeks ago we were sitting together and he just went on craigslist and looked at ads beside me and was like, have you seen these? These are hilarious! And we looked as a joke, but now he has looked every day since then at really innapropriate ones, ones that he wouldn’t show me.
I am extremely hurt and I’m sitting in this waiting room shocked. I was first wondering if this could be a virus but his regular searches are there as well. What do I do? Should I let it go and assume he is looking as a joke? It just seems excessive and has really hurt me.
Post # 3
vwilson: Your intuition told you that something was wrong. You are allowing his potential reaction to you snooping to make yourself feel guilty- you should not. If there was nothing to find and had something not been bothering you, you wouldn’t have looked. Now that you did and know that something is going on you have to put the guilt aside and figure out how you will handle this.
I would definitely wait until he is coherent to discuss your feelings and your subsequent findings, but you definitely cant let him get away with this. Dont let him guilt you about looking at his phone when he was the one doing wrong.
Post # 4
vwilson: I’m sure it’s going to be tough as he will be irritable coming out of surgery so maybe wait until tomorrow and see how he’s feeling to bring up the topic. It’s definitely not cool. And I’ll be honest, if I found stuff like that on my guy’s searches, I’d be long gone. I have a zero tolerance policy to bullshit like that…because there’s no way it was just an “innocent” search.
Post # 5
vwilson: is he partaking in these? responding or putting out ads of his own? thats when it’s detrimental. Right now what has happened is fixable with a conversation or two. “Look, I did this and found this and I’m really uncomfortable, care to explain?” Don’t let him turn it around, you admitted you were wrong, apologize then ask for an answer. He is your husband, open door, open email, open phone, there should be an open everything with this man. Don’t let him forget it.
Post # 6
Deep breathes. Just cool down before approaching your hubby about it.
when he’s home and out of hospital / feeling better talk it through with him. You are not in the wrong here, explain you turned his phone on and looked at the history and tell him what you found and how it made you feel.
Sure, he’ll squirm and be uncomfortable but he’s made you feel just as bad and so you deserve a decent explanation and an apology.
Men are real simple creatures when it comes to sex, unfortunately. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m sure it’s just a bit of silliness on his part.
good luck. X
Post # 7
I would leave print outs of the ads for him to wake up to and be gone before the anesthetic wears of personally.
Post # 8
He wasn’t responding to any, just looking. And not looking anywhere in my area so that wasn’t my concern that he was actually hooking up I guess? But the looking is what is concerning me, like why are you looking am I not good enough?
Post # 9
sounds like he’s treating these kinda like porn (assuming he is not responding to the ads), and unless you’ve explicitly told him you don’t want him looking at that kind of thing and he has agreed, its not really fair of you to get mad at him. On another note – he knows about the “clear history” function on his phone right? maybe use it next time?
Post # 10
I would be careful with those assumptions. Yes, it looks bad, BUT he even showed you some Craigslist ads two weeks ago and told you how funny it is. Sometimes, when I’m bored, I also do the weirdest searches. I remember that a while ago I also checked out Craigslist and seriously clicked on almost ALL categories- Hobbies, For sale, for rent, guy looking for girl, girl looking for girls, casual encounters etc. Yes, I was super bored, haha. I was just interested to see what kind of weird people are on there and it entertained me for a while, nothing more.
If you have always trusted him and he never gave you reason to doubt him, I would let it go for a while. If you ask him about it now, chances are he will lie about it IF he really has something to hide. I would wait a while and keep an open eye and open mind, and if you really think you have reason to worry I would even check his phone again in a week or so to see if he maybe even answered one of those ads. Yes, it’s bad bla bla, but seriously, but it’s not like you’re just snooping around for fun.
Post # 11
This just hurts a lot, he knows something is wrong it’s written all over my face but I want to at least wait til he isn’t drugged up.
Post # 12
vwilson: When he’s ready to talk (after surgery) bring it up. Two weeks of searches is not a joke so don’t let him try to tell you that. It’s super skeevy and I feel for ya. Good luck and I hope it all works out.
Post # 13
“But the looking is what is concerning me, like why are you looking am I not good enough?”
you cant tell me you’ve never been excited by looking at a really good looking guy (tv shows, magazines, whatever). You also mentioned it was really “innapropriate” posts – he might be really into this sort of thing, and can’t tell you about it because he worries what you’ll think of him.
If every man who’s girlfriend/wife read 50 shades of grey wondered if they “weren’t good enough” there would be a lot of devastated guys out there.
Post # 14
Okay, I just read that you’re sure he’s not answering them and that he’s even looking at ads far away from your area- Sorry, but then I don’t get your problem. Probably he doesn’t even use them as porn, I mean it’s an AD, nothing more! I don’t know any guy who would prefer reading an ad over watching porn. Probably your guy is just curious like me and found those ads funny to read. And even if he used them as porn, what’s the problem? He’s not cheating on you and I guarantee you, 99% of men look at porn at least once in a while.
Post # 15
vwilson: If he isn’t actually responding to the ads, could he be using it like porn? I’d talk to him before having a knee jerk reaction. It’s inappropriate, but he may not realize how hurtful it is to you. I’d be more concerned if thete was actual contact, or he was looking up women in your area.