(Closed) I did the dirty…. I gave a baby deadline… Oops???

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Mrs Hedgehog: Not at all! The fact that he said ok, makes it his decision too ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

While it does seem that your “6 months” was more rash than thought out.. I can totally understand WHY you would put such a forceful foot down. lol

Maybe if you could get a more concrete timeline, even if 1 year is what it was, you’d feel more satisfied than “one day”…

Maybe sit back down and apologize for the rash, abrupt, timeframe but see if you could get a more definitive answer from him.

I mean “one day” could be forever from now, he should be able to understand why that’s not working. lol

Post # 6
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Might bring it up on appologetic terms? And you want to make sure his wasn’t out of fear of upsetting you?

Post # 7
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I sort of did the same thing.  I’m ready to go like yesterday, but he wants to wait.  We’ll be waiting a little since we have some travel plans this year.  But once we’re done with those, we’re getting started, so he’s got 8 months… and I’ve told him that.  Otherwise, he’d wait a few more YEARS if he could.

Post # 8
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’re not horrible at all!!! ๐Ÿ™‚  I’d just leave it at that and patiently wait out the 6 months, that way he has no chance to find an “out” ๐Ÿ˜‰  He was just scared.  Sometimes we all need a prod once in a while when it comes to major decisions.

Post # 9
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe he thinks yall will be moving around for his job and money will be crazy- every guys biggest concern when it comes to babies!

Theres nothing wrong with voicing your side and desires! If you feel bad just apologize, and have a more enlightenend conversation ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

Post # 10
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does your husband tend to be indecisive?  I usually think ultimatum-esque statments are a bad idea, but I live with an EXTREMELY indecisive person.  We’ve had multiple conversations about how not proceeding with anything is a decision unto itself and how it makes me feel like a crazy shrew when I’m always the one pushing us towards things, but I tell ya, he would wait until the next ice age for things if I let him. 

What “worked” for us is I had him sit down with me and make a list of things he wants before we started TTC and before we actually had a baby in our hands.  Then we worked out a plan and a date together that it would make sense to start, and I do hold him to it.  

I’m sure you really want starting to TTC to be a happy occassion, and not to have any fear that he won’t be just over the moon when you tell him you got a BFP!

Post # 12
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If he didn’t argue with the 6 month timeline, you’re probably good to go. Maybe he just wants to enjoy being married for awhile? There’s definitely something to be said for “just the two of us” time before kids take over!

Post # 13
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Mrs Hedgehog: What about putting on paper for him how much you will need to have the baby (I’ve heard anywhere from $0 to $5k average for decent insurance and sometimes more for all the appointments and birthing), and then how much the baby will require monthly after that.  Maybe it will help him see how much it cost and what a reasonble real target is, instead of just “more”.

Post # 15
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Also, I want to throw in there, I fully support you voicing your frustration.

I found this. And webmd 

Post # 16
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Mrs Hedgehog: I totally see where the ultimatum came from.  I think guys sometimes minds just don’t work that way.  Similarly to your “$50,000 in savings” before we started TTC, I asked him to explain to me what he pictures his life looking like in five years, and he gave me this scenario about having a house, and a couple kids, and coaching their sports teams and all this great stuff… but to have TWO kids playing sports, they’d be at least 4-5, which means we’re already three years behind on his five year plan!

Maybe you “taking the decision out of his hands” is exactly what he needs, especially if he didn’t seem upset by it??

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