(Closed) I didn’t change my last name and people have a problem with that.

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Tell them to mind their own damn business.  As long as you and your hubs is ok with it, then no one else matters. Period.

Post # 4
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You have time to change your name.  If you decide later that you wish you had, you can still change it!

Post # 5
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ignore them! I kept my name as a middle name and everyone was like “its whatever you want to do” and that’s true- its between you and your husband and it’s no one else’s business! 

You can always change it later if you want – I haven’t officially changed mine yet because i have flights booked in my maiden name up until Jan. So after Jan i will have a break form traveling and then i should have time to change it without a bunch of problems. 

Either way you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody because they are just being nosy! 

 

Post # 6
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

ditto MrsSl82be

People can choose to be offended over things that have nothing to do with them.

I’m not changing my name and fortunately nobody’s cared so far (although my age and profession probably help with that).

Post # 7
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

You can change your name later if you want.

It’s funny.  I didn’t change my name, yet when my name was announced at my sister’s wedding (I was the Matron of Honor), they used my husband’s last name.  My cousin, who was seated at our table, gasped in surprise when she heard that . . . her assumption (correct assumption) was that I didn’t change my name.  So, expectations vary.

Post # 8
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

People can be so mean sometimes!  I have a friend who waited about 8 months to change her name.  Like you, she just had so much going on after he wedding that the next thing she knew, 8 months had gone by.  She partly put it off because she just didn’t like her new hubby’s last name.  (She had no emotional connection to her maiden name and had no desire to keep it).  I wish there was just a tactful way to tell people to shove it when they’re being rude..haha, don’t we all wish that? lol

I chose to change my name to DH’s last name, but what really irked me was when everyone just assumed I was going to do that…and when they found out I was trying to decide inbetween changing or not changing, they were shocked…like keeping my last name was a bad thing.  Honestly, even though it was hard to ignore them, that’s just eventually what I did.  In the end, I changed my name because it was really important to my husband (and not in a male domination sort of way).  He was just so stinkin cute and excited to be a husband and excited for me to take his last name, I just couldn’t break his heart. lol  And now, I’m absolutely in love with my new last name…just took some time. 

Ultimately, I guess you just have to grin and bear it when people put their stinky noses into business that isn’t theirs.  I think sometimes that’s the only thing we can do without coming across as being snarky/defensive.

Post # 9
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

There’s many reasons why I’m choosing to change mine, but what really sold me was ’emergency situations’.  Both my parents work in the medical field and they said there’s always drama when someone comes in with husband or child and have a different last name.  You have to kinda prove you’re family because nothing you prob travel with on a day to day basis proves that.  It’s especially hard with kids because hospital rules are so strict to protect the child.  I wouldn’t want to deal with proving my maternity in an already stressful situation.  Maybe that’s why people think it’s a big deal?

But at the end of the day it’s your decision and I would ignore anyone who says negative things about it!

Post # 10
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think it matters what everyone else thinks!  I’m planning on changing my name AFTER my college graduation (will be about 6-12 mos. after wedding).  Just because I’ve got to taht point as who i am NOW, and I like who I am.

 

Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I see you’re in the South, and people in that part of the country can be very, very defensive of tradition. Don’t listen to them. It isn’t their business, and you’re happy with your decision. They can screw off!

Post # 12
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I didn’t change my name, but most people just use his last name for me now anyway.  No big problem for me – I’m a doctor, if I didn’t use my last name all the time I probably would have changed it.  But I like my name the way it is.  Anyway I kind of get the best of both worlds, I still have the same name but most people just use the other name socially, the situation totally works for me.  I can’t believe people have been rude to you about it – just ignore them, it is your decision and none of their business.  

Post # 13
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ultimately its your decision. if you dont want to change it then dont. but sadly you cant stop people having their opinions about it. Just ignore them.

Post # 14
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

Just be very matter of fact and confident when you have to talk about it. I am in the South too and am not changing my name ever. My husband is fine with it, in fact he would have been shocked if I wanted to.

When I first went back to work, a co-worker said, “your husband must be SO mad that you are not changing your name.” As though i just sprung it on him at the altar!  If you reply surely and show that there is no room for discussion, that should end it.

Post # 15
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Seriously, it’s totally your decision. Some people are just afraid of breaking tradition…that’s a huge problem in this society that I won’t even get into. My friend and her husband actually decided her last name fit more and considered changing his surname to hers. I thought that was cute. Currently, they both go by their respective last names. You can always change it later if you decide to; it takes a bit of patience to take care of, but it can be done.

Post # 16
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

WHAT? That’s nuts.

I’m not taking my FH’s either, and if I get shit like you, my response will be something along the lines of:

“Well, HE refused to take MY name, so I guess we’re even.”

OR

“I accomplished a lot in my own name, thank you very much.”

It’s 2010, for heaven’s sake.

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