(Closed) I didn’t change my last name and people have a problem with that.

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 32
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It doesn’t matter. Anyone who cares about whether or not you changed your name needs to learn how to mind their own business.

Even in this thread, I’m amazed at how many people are still telling you, “Don’t worry, you can change your name later!” even though you expressly said you don’t want to change your name, and can’t see yourself wanting to anytime in the future.

Traditions die hard, and some people take it really personally when others don’t adhere to their so-called rules. Their opinions aren’t worth your time or aggravation.

Post # 33
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It shouldn’t matter but it seems to. 18 (nearly) months after our wedding and I have not changed my name and I have no intention to. Just this morning my husband and I had another “discussion” about it. I feel emotionally tied to my name, I like the way it sounds (more than his), it’s my connection to MY family and I am so disconnected because we live on the other side of the world from them. All through HS and college friends called and still call me by my last name.

I get crap from one of my sisters in law about it and it upsets me. Recently we went to her wedding and she had me on the seating chart as Myfirstname HisLast. It upsets me that she does not respect my decision and just thinks I’m wrong.

I WISH I wanted to change my name,  it would be easier, but I don’t have that burning desire. People ask what our kids will be called. My response to that is “Oh the non-existant ones?” We’ll worry about that when/if we have children!

It IS your decision but you have to deal with your decision in the end. I am very stubborn and one of the drivers for me NOT changing is that everyone thinks I should.

 

Post # 34
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@greencardwedding:  I know this is an old post but I feel like that too.  I haven’t had very many problems but my dad seems to think I’m changing my name.  And I think my Fiance thinks I’ll come around too.

Maybe I will maybe I won’t but for now I’m not changing it.  I’m perfectly happy to keep my name.  And its so funny because when I was younger I was always thought that if I get married I would change my name.  

Only one of my acquaintances gasped in horror when I said I wouldn’t which made me laugh, she has never been married and never intends to be and is a bit older.  She was really the last person I ever thought would have a problem with it.  Another lady I used to work with was a b*tch about it too but shes always a b*tch.

Post # 35
Hostess
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s ridiculous. What are people saying to you? Maybe we can help you with some snappy come backs? 

Post # 36
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

I will never understand why people care so much what other people do when it doesn’t affect them at all. 

Post # 37
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This is what it comes down to: people are idiots and don’t know how to mind their own business.

Post # 38
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@MissDallasCowboy:  Even though this comment waswritten 2 years ago, I feel the need to reply in case anyone else is looking at this. I don’t know what your parents’ medial careers are, but I work in an ER. (which is obviously the most likely place for something like this to happen), and it’s completely untrue.  Families are so diverse nowadays, it does not matter even the tiniest bit if you have the same last name as your family members.  Does not matter in the least.  I think this is one of those “scare  tactic” wives’ tales.  

Post # 39
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think I’m going to change my name. My fiance isn’t thrilled about it but he’s ok with it, especially considering that I’ve built my career in my maiden name (I’m an attorney). His family…not so ok with it. But it’s your name. I think it’s antiquated to have to change it. It’s a completely personal decision. 

Post # 40
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

To be perfectly honest, I have bever had a problem with that EXCEPT for my sister (who is 17 years older than me) for some reason it really bugged her and always insisted in sending stuff with my husband;s last name. I am not changing my name this time either.

Post # 41
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My DH’s family simply refused to believe I kept my name and that I wasn’t going to go by his name “socially”….they sent me a card to “Mrs. HisLastName”…I wrote them a thank you card and signed it with “Ms. MyFirst MyLast” (can you tell how super well we get along?!)

Post # 42
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ugh, at least it is better now than it was twenty years ago. 

I haven’t changed my name. I probably will in the future (maybe when we have kids) and I don’t mind being called “Mrs. Hislastname” socially – but I agree, I was annoyed that people just assumed. 

At my job (I work with all men) got me a new nameplate as a suprise. They meant well, but I always joke, “Who is Mrs. Hislastname?” Almost all of the checks we recieved as gifts were made out to Crabbabs and Husband Hislastname. (Although we did get a few “Crabbabs Mylastname and Husband Hislastname” which I appreciated). 

A friend thought that my name automatically changed once we got married. (And he is married. When his wife heard, she just rolled her eyes.) 

I get in arguments with one of my male friends because I suggested that Darling Husband and I both change our names. (DH is on board in theory, but not in practice), by my friend flipped out and said I was crazy and that it shouldn’t be done and that men HAVE to keep their last name and children HAVE to have their father’s last name. 

 

 

Post # 43
Member
650 posts
Busy bee

to OP its your personal choice to hell with what anyone else thinks

Post # 44
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I didn’t change my last name, and my husband was always totally cool with it. We discussed him changing his name, or combining names and ultimately decided we each liked what we had. I love him so soooo much for being so thoughtful about it.

The strange thing is, a lot of MY family did not like how I wasn’t changing my name. They keep calling me Mrs. HisName. What adds to the annoyance is that I hate the idea of “mrs” as well. Men don’t go from Mr. to something new, why can’t women just be Ms. their whole lives too? It’s so damn awkward correcting people. It bothers me but at the same time I don’t want to be all militant or bitchy about it. And I find that no matter how nicely I correct people, it still comes off nit picky.

The worst part? My BEST friends keep calling me Mrs. HisName. I’ve talked to them extensively about this topic. And some of them have stated they won’t change their names either. And yet, they still call me Mrs. HisName sometimes when they call me or post it on my Facebook. I seriously think it’s some sort of weird word vomit. Like they can’t help it. How else can you explain my closest friends calling me something I *explicitly* and many many times told them isn’t going to be my new name?

It hurts that so many people are willfully ignoring my wishes, like people are going to keep stripping me of my name no matter how hard I fight to keep it. 🙁

Post # 45
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can’t please everyone. What matters most is you please yourself. If others can’t accept your choice, it’s *their* problem. Oh well. I didn’t change my name either and it makes me no less married to my Darling Husband.

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