Post # 1
So, my dear bees, here is my predicament:
When FH and I were talking flower girls and ring bearers, we never came to a concrete decision. So I went ahead planning without a Flower Girl and we decided the best man would carry the rings.
But this morning we find out that Future Mother-In-Law and her mom told the whole family that FH’s cousin is going to be our Flower Girl. We never said that. They only told that to everyone so that the girl’s family, who was planning on skipping the whole thing, would be forced to attend. I don’t even like that family. Or the cousin, who is loud and self-centered. In fact, I could have had my half-brother’s daughter be Flower Girl, but I didn’t want to stir up trouble and decided it would be easier and cheaper to just forego it altogether.
So what now? Do I just nod and smile and pay for extra flowers while I seethe inwardly? Do I hurt feelings and say, “No, we don’t want a flower girl at all”? FH doesn’t want to make a fuss, but I’m hurt that family politics has to intrude on our day and our plans.
Post # 3
Quote – “I could have had my half-brother’s daughter be Flower Girl, but I didn’t want to stir up trouble and decided it would be easier and cheaper to just forego it altogether.”
Now is the time to get HER. then the family won’t attend, boy am I mean or what? HeeHee
Post # 4
I would tell Future Mother-In-Law that we’re not having a Flower Girl and it’s up to her to fix it.
Post # 5
I agree with @soupycat. “We have decided against having a flower girl. Sorry!”
Post # 6
I agree. Tell them no!!! Its your wedding! You shouldnt be upset!
Post # 7
@giginut: If I were in your shoes here’s what I would do:
Scenario 1: Call the family yourself or have your Fiance, tell them Future Mother-In-Law is mistaken and you are sorry she put them in the situation but you have decideded not to do a Flower Girl and Mother-In-Law overstepped her boundaries and agian you are sorry for MIL’s behavior. Make HER look bad. Then contact Mother-In-Law, tell her what you did, and firmly say your decision is final.
Scenario 2: Make Mother-In-Law pay for the FG’s dress, jewelry, flowers and plate at the reception. Call her, tell her you found out what she did, but you are happy she is willing to pay for everything with the Flower Girl since it was not in your budget. If she refuses or bulks, kindly tell her it was her doing and if she can not do it you will just go ahead and tell the FG’s family and Mother-In-Law made a mistake.
Then again, I’m mean hehehe. I HATE when people are presumptious
Post # 8
@LuvMySailor: I love the way you handling this. But I am sure it won’t end well either way! lol
I think the bigger question is, that family didn’t want to come to begin with right? is this a confirmed fact? If it is, I would imagine they would be relieved once they know you don’t want a Flower Girl after all.
How is your relationship with your FMIL? If she did this unintentionally and (from what you know) she probably would want to fix it herself, have her do it. Just tell her you don’t have the budget for it (OOPS!)and she is willing to pay for everything to “save her face” in front of relatives. Graciously accept the gift. 🙂
Why don’t you want a FG? Too much cost? Is it a no-kids wedding?
If Future Mother-In-Law won’t fix it and you don’t have $$ to get a Flower Girl…then either call the family or have Fiance call them and see if they were planning to come and explain the situation without putting Mother-In-Law in a bad position. Just explain it was an honest mistake and go from there.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Yep- hurt some feelings and say NO flower girl. You two didn’t want one, and it’s your decision, not Future Mother-In-Law. Since you never agreed to one, Future Mother-In-Law needs to call the cousin and explain her mistake. If the family doesn’t come, it doesn’t sound like a big deal, anyway.
Post # 10
If you really don’t want a flower girl, and I don’t blame you, as I’ve never seen one actually do what you want them to, then I would tell your Future Mother-In-Law that she has put you in a very awkward situation and either have her explain to the family or you and your fiance can explain. You could even mention that there’s another little girl and you don’t want her to feel overlooked.
If the only reason that you are forgoing the flower girl is money then I agree with LuvMySailor’s suggestion of having Future Mother-In-Law pay for her mistake.