(Closed) I didn’t get invited! Wait, I did but he didn’t tell me! Heartbreaking…vent

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Okay, I read this through a couple times… and to be honest, I really don’t think that he left you out on purpose. It sounds like classic guy brain. 

Guys are funny things and really he probably didn’t think that this was going to be a big deal. He thought you were working, and you were across town… There will be a lot of other oppertunties to hang with his fam. Plus, every now and then you have to let him go it alone. 

I know that this was an important moment, but please please remember that there will be plenty of memorable moments to come ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I need to ask an obvious question – how long have you guys been together?

Post # 5
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This sounds like it was tough to go through. I would definitely express your desire to be there, as you hope to one day be a part of this family. If you felt hurt, I would let him know this and explain that you would at least appreciate the option to be a part of these big moments. It does sound like he loves you a bunch because he was honest with you. While I cannot relate completely, I can on a smaller scale. My boyfriend’s family had a large get together a few years ago and he said that I couldn’t go. He didn’t really explain why, but I just let it go and assumed that it was only a family event. The following week, his father asked why I didn’t go and said that the family missed me. My boyfriend then came clean and said that I was invited, but that he was not sure if I would be uncomfortable or if I even wanted to go. I had to tell him that I wanted to at least have the option, because I wanted to feel included in the family. I don’t think your man did  this for any bad or negative reason, it sounds like it was more about his personal uncomfort around children. He may want to get a little experience around children before he is around you with them. And you gotta see him eventually….you love him…. :-). Your feelings show your intense love for him and how you want to be there for all of the important moments in life. It is apparent how much you love and care for him and his family. I think that’s really special! They sound like they love you too! Hope this all makes sense lol.

Post # 6
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@DreamingBee: Oh sweetie!!! (((Big hugs for you))) I remember one of the first times I saw my Fiance playing with his nephew when he was about three. My Fiance was goofing around with him, holding him upside down and just being silly. There was this moment where he was holding him on his hip in the classic parent with kid pose. I swear I could feel my heart break. It hit me at that moment that I wanted to see him holding OUR child that way. Waiting for a proposal and hearing the biological clock ticking in the background is absolutely the pits. Hopefully your dinner was delicious. Be gentle with  yourself and try to get a good night’s sleep.

Post # 9
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

@DreamingBee: I would say something, but that’s just me..I’m sure he didn’t want you to feel left out, and he probably doesn’t even realize that he made you feel that way guys are sometimes very clueless

Post # 11
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry I came back a little later.  I asked about the length of time you had been together mostly because I remember early in my relationship, it seemed like my guy really didn’t grasp how much I did want to be a part of his family life.  I think many guys don’t see it as that big of a deal, when girls like us see it as a part of acceptance.

I could see why you were bummed out about this.

Post # 12
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh that sucks, I can totally understand why you are upset about this. Sleep on it, if it is still bothering you in the morning just let him know you were a bit upset that he didn’t invite you along – even if he thought you couldn’t go.

perhaps you can ask him if you can set aside a day to go visit the new baby in the next few weeks?

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can i tell you to step back from the ledge? Laughing

Maybe they only wanted family around their newborn baby, eh? Even though they basically invited you–they didn’t tell you this specifically. Or maybe your boyfriend just got all wrapped up in it. I know I certainly wouldn’t be keen on having my sibling’s SO around at that time. Dh always says “oh you’re always invited EJS” but unless the person SPECIFICALLY tells me, I feel rude just intruding. I wasn’t around when my SIL had a baby…i visited about a week later. And if she JUST added you on Facebook–are you close? I’m guessing no, so seriously, do NOT worry about this! I get you want to be a part of it all, but regardless, not worth getting too upset over. There were lots of things I wanted to be included in when we weren’t married–but we weren’t family yet and that’s how it goes sometimes.

Send mom and baby a sweet card and a gift. She will probably call you to thank you and mention that you should come see the baby. win-win! 

Post # 14
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It just sounds like he thought you were working late and left before traffic got bad. I don’t see what is wrong with this.

I am sorry you are upset, but in my opinion if I just had a baby I don’t think i would want my brother in law’s girlfriends showing up while I’m exhausted, ugly, and just gave birth.  It’s kind of a private family moment and I know that you and your boyfriend are close, but the mother of the baby just may have wanted her very close family members. If she jst added you to FB I’m guessing you guys aren’t that close. I don’t know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. I didn’t bring my fiance when my sister had her babies. It was just too many people.(not that he really wanted to go, lol)

Like EJS said-get them a nice gift and card. I’m sure you will be invited over when the baby is home.

Post # 16
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

hmmm sounds like a classic guy. haha he probably didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing, considering he didnt know you werent working late.  He probably just thought it was no big deal and that there will be other times for you to see the baby. So I understand his side of it.  I personally would be a little disappointed that I didnt get to go, but I wouldnt get that worked up about it.  You have to understand that guys dont really read into every little thing like girls do.  While I do think it sucks that you couldnt have shared the moment together, I wouldnt be mad at him about it. You’ll most likely be invited over when the baby comes home, so no worries ๐Ÿ™‚ 

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