- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
My BF’s SIL just gave birth last week to her 2nd child, and today BF went to visit his new nephew, about an hour’s drive away. He left straight from work, didn’t tell me beforehand (he said that he didn’t get ahold of his brother until he was already on the way to the gym, then got the call and left straight from there and wasn’t going to fight traffic to pick me up across town. And to be fair he thought I was working late today, but I wasn’t). His SIL recently wrote to me and added me on FB. And I was jealous I wanted to see him tonight and had plans to make a wonderful home-cooked dinner…by the way I’m making it anyway *just for me* anyway, and opened a lovely bottle of wine and enjoying a luxurious dinner that I would normally feel guilty about if not sharing with someone else.
When we were talking on the phone on his way there, I said I would LOVE to be there. I would love to see his family and nephew, and he said he’d be the uncle who didn’t know what he was doing. And that makes me feel better, in a way. That He’s uncomfortable around babies, just like I used to be. He’s the youngest, and I’m an only child, so neither of us have a lot of experience with babies/kids. But since my early awkward experiences, I’ve had godson and niece and nephew, and my first really positive experience with a baby and kids. I joked that I would be very happy to see him with his nephew, if for no other reason than I would feel less alone in not being a baby expert either. And I know he wants kids, but I’m skeptical becuase he doesn’t really seem to *like* kids in general. I know it’s different when it’s your own kid though.
And of course he didn’t just stop by to see his nephew, his parents wanted to have dinner with him so that was a few more hours before he got back onto town. And when I said “say HIi for me, I wish I was there but not going to invite myself” he said that I actually WAS invited! So he just didn’t tell me. Of course he may not want me to see him fumbling with the new baby….I’d be self-conscious too, though that was not the reason he didn’t bring me. I told him the story of how I connected with my Godson and it was almost a nightmare, but I got comfortable and ended up being great with a baby for the first time ever. I even was able to put him to sleep, and it was so peaceful. I told him what I did to feel more comfortable about it, since he was afraid of being put on the spot when the baby was handed to him, becuase they had always cried before 😉
Then I just got this text from him “I held the baby and was a pro. no crying or anything, and he fell asleep! How’s your evening going?”
And I just want to cry. I am trying my best, and I haven’t even been upset about not being engaged, for over a week! But that text just broke my heart and I realized that even though his family reached out and/or invited me, I was not included in this. And I wanted to be. And I just started crying and I didn’t respond to the text. He wanted to come over tonight but I don’t know if I want to see him.
Someone please talk me off the ledge or at least give me a pat on the back….this sucks. Again. All of the sudden. I was doing so well!!!!