(Closed) i didn’t know…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am sorry you are feeling lonely. However, I do believe that everyone will come around more as your date draws nearer. Right now you over a year away and a lot of people can’t plan for tomorrow yet alone a year from now. I do think your mom should be going with you to look at dresses and venues at LEAST by sept this year because it can take months for a dress to come in and popular venues fill up quickly. I say give them some time and they will come around as you get closer to the date.

Post # 4
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Planning for me was REALLY disappointing.  My immediate family lives on the west coast and in NYC.  No one was there to help me, it felt like no one cared, yet they were there to tell me what I COULDn’T do, or what wasn’t classy enough, or what someone else would hate.  Nothing was good enough.  I ordered dresses online by my self.  It was a terrible experience!  In the end, I did my own thing, a much smaller version and I planned everything myself with Fiance.  And this small wedding is stressful enough.  People will always be diappointing, because they are human, but sometimes we just really need them to pull it together.

Post # 5
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I feel your pain…That is exactly how I felt the entire time that I was planning wedding, and for me that did not go away the closer I got to the wedding. I was fortunate to have my mom to vent to, but that was it.  When I tried to talk to my BM’s about anything, I was a bridezilla…And my Mother-In-Law is from a very rural area and just could not understand anything we wanted to do so she also was pretty uninterested. Good luck!

Post # 6
3253 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you are feeling lonely. 🙁 Please be realistic when you think about the enthusiasm people are having for your wedding and don’t feel like they don’t care. People have other responsibilities and everyday life keeps happening whether you are planning your wedding or not; they are probably thinking about you, but feel like they have plenty of time because a year still has to pass before your wedding.

It honestly sounds to me like your bridesmaids are just trying to be agreeable, not unenthusiastic. It really is pretty early to find your Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses as most people do this about 4-6 months before your date. Tell them that you really want them to feel confident and comfortable in their dresses, so ask them what cuts they prefer (strapless, a-line, etc) to help you get an idea of what to look for. 

Good luck!!


Post # 7
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I felt the same way!  Besides DH and I, no one else seemed to care what we were doing.  It was horrible because I had envisioned people coming together to make the wedding happen and it ended up being mostly just us making it come together.  It really makes me wish we had just kept the money and eloped… 

But my suggestion to you is to make sure that people know you want help.  People have told me post-wedding that it seemed like we had everything under control which was why they left us alone.  But really we were in way over our heads and help would have been great!

Post # 8
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh yes, more people will get on board the closer it gets.  I found that my family wasn’t interested until the 6-4 month mark.

Post # 9
28 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know exactly what you are talking about! I am in the SAME position. All my mom every says to me is stuff dealing with money, and everyone else either doesn’t really care, or they pretend to care and then roll their eyes when they think I’m not paying attention. I think my situation is because non of my friends are in even in a relationship, let alone thinking about marriage… and I might be over whelming them…. but still. I asked them to help me and they said they would, and now that it is time to plan…. it’s time to plan!

The advice my dad gave me, which may help you too, is to have a lunch or dinner and invite all of the people that are supposed to be helping you, and give them all something that they can be in charge of, like a “to do” list, that way they see actual tasks that need to be completed. Preempt that with a time line as well to make sure you are all on the same page with what needs to be done by when. And how important it is to get things done early on to avoid too much stress closer to the big day.

Things will get better for us! 🙂 After all… we are marrying the men of our dreams 🙂 What can be better than that? <3


Post # 10
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I feel the same way! I guess my role in the family is to help everyone when they need it. But now I feel like no one is helping me when I need it! I even cried about it to my fiancee the other day. I’m not even asking them to do anything – I just want opinions! I’m not working so I do a lot of wedding stuff myself. But I feel like the girls here are even more supportive than my sisters and mom! My sisters ignore emails I send them and when I ask them about it they have nothing helpful to say. It also sucks because my older sister is pregnant so most of the attention is on her. (Can you tell I’m the forgotten middle child?)

Anyway, you aren’t crazy! They just have different priorities I guess. Hopefully, they’ll come around once things get closer.

Post # 11
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel your pain!  I’ve been engaged for 5 years and it never seemed like anyone was interested. (we were already living together, the moved to another province, bought a house right after, then I decided to go back & start a new degree, etc, etc – a wedding was never at the top of the “to do on my own” list)  

I bought my dress by myself. Not one single person other than the saleswoman has ever seen it on me!  I bought the Bridesmaid or Best Man gowns myself.  I seriously told my fiance that it was almost like my mother was dead, that was the amount of help I was getting.  I picked everything out, been working like mad on the DIY’s. It doesn’t help that the wedding is back home, and I’m only there twice a year.  But seriously, over the course of 5 years somebody could have said “Hey, wanna go look at stuff??”.  Now my mother is freaking because its 10 weeks away and she has no idea whats going on.  Honestly, I may be leaving her hang a little too.  Bitterness maybe?  She literally asked me just last night about centerpieces and stuff.   Good thing I’m on the ball, because no one else is!!

On the bright side, no one has the right to b**ch if they don’t like things, because they could have been involved and didn’t care to be!  

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