(Closed) I Didn't Like My Proposal. Anyone Else Feel The Same?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 47
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@megz06:  Oooh! Got it, thanks for clarifying! Good on you for telling him how awful it sounds. Though I must admit, I’m the Queen of “it sounded funny in my head” but they tend to be lame rather than awful.

Post # 48
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - The Cove Lakeside Resort

You know what, in the end it doesn’t matter….  My proposal was nothing exciting either. We have been together for 10 years, it wasn’t a surprise that we were going to get engaged, We even picked out the ring together, and pretty much planned the proposal location together, I just left it up to him to decide when he will do it. We went away for a weekend to a hotspring, the first night we went to dinner at a really nice restuarant with a live band, and most of the time he kept asking if he should go get the ring and propose here, I finally had to tell him that if he did the dinner wouldn’t be nice and romantic anymore it would be a little awkward. The next day we went for a couple message (which wasn’t that great) then we went for a walk. I should mention that so far it was raining the whole weekend (which was ok) but when we went for a walk it stopped raining, and we found a trail that went by some waterfalls. When we came to the first one which wasn’t a super fantastic waterfall he kept saying he was going to do it now, and got on one knee and said “Will you marry me?” no big speech. But I thought it was cute, so I never got the big romantic proposal that most girls dream of, but I won’t trade mine for anything! I should also say that shortly after the proposal it began to rain again, so maybe it was ment to be…

Post # 49
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This has bothered you for TWO YEARS?  I don’t get that.  

Also, who asks you about your proposal, especially now?  I’ve honestly never had anyone ask about my proposal.  Lots of people ask how we met, but not about the proposal – who cares?

Post # 50
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My proposal isn’t much of a story- but it fits us because we are super simple people 🙂

I knew it was going to happen SOMETIME soon….but it was still a surprise when it happened.  He had gone the night before to buy the ring I wanted, but it had to be overnighted in from another store.

So the next day, he went and got it after work.  I was at home (in sweats!)- just doing “chores” around the house.

He asked me to go outside with him + check out the vegetable garden with him.  Strange, no….we do this together.  But I was sort of like “ooooookkkk whatever” LOL

We walked down there and “checked the veggies out” and I was a bit confused because he seemed off- he was nervous!!!  So we walked up to the other garden- a flower garden- both which we built together.  He said “Ya know, we build things well together, and I like building things with you.  I want to do it for the rest of my life.  Will you marry me?”  Poor guy was shaking as he asked!  I felt so funny because I was in my sweats, hair piled on top of my head! I felt so un-glamorous LOL- but he was SO excited that he went and got the ring that he said he coudln’t wait to ask.  He told me he had such a hard time not saying anything the night before because he was so excited. (And he’s SUCH a chill person!)-

So while I don’t have that over-the-top sotry to tell about our proposal, I can tell you that I feel like the luckiest girl to have a guy that’s SO excited to marry me!  

I don’t know that I would have handled anything over the top romantic- because while I appreciate it, I’m just not “that” girl.  

And he never asked my dad, either- but that’s because I told him the story of another bf of mine way back asking my dad if he could marry me (although we never got engaged)- and my dad said “well that’s somethng you’re going to have to ask her.”  My dad is just so about my sister and I making our own decisions as adults – that he didn’t want to start granting any permission LOL…

I know I wouldn’t be happy if my guy was basically making fun of me in public- I do think it’s disrespectful.  I wonder if maybe HE’S embarrassed that he didn’t do more- so he tried to (inappropriately) turn the awkward story back to YOU-  

it doesn’t make it OK, but it seems sort of like since he doesn’t have anything else to say, he seems to think that saying that you were nagging him is the best answer?

I think most importantly- do you think this is something you are going to be able to get over eventually?  Or is this something that is going to eat at you and ruin your relationship in the end?

Post # 51
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Boys sometimes make comments in front of other boys that make them look like they’re not sentimental. I don’t know what’s up with that. Stuff like “oh, she wanted to get married lolol”. That’s just boy mob mentaility brain. Hurtful yes, and I would tell him it hurt, but I don’t think he really only proposed to appease you. 

 

 

 

 

Post # 52
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@elaina250:  I’m going to disagree with most of the other posters on this board. I would be very disppointed if Fiance proposed that way and would be resentful about it. There is alot in between putting no thought or effort into a proposal and expecting to be flown off to Paris and being proposed to at the Eiffel Tower. 

My Fiance basically spent little money in the actual propsal. We went some place that had been a meaningful place in our relationship and he proposed there. It was just the two us, no extravagant details. But he still did something to make it a special memory for the both of us.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the propsal you wanted. Frown If Fiance didn’t care about the proposal at all I’d be worried he wouldn’t care much about birthdays, Christmas and other events in our lives either. This doesn’t seem to bother other people very much, but it would probably bother me forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 53
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 1993

@elaina250:  So it sounds like you have been with your fiance for 7 years (5 dating and 2 engaged)…yet you still don’t get that his style is different from yours.  MANY guys are incredibly embarrassed/uncomfortable by cheesy scenes and spouting of romantic explanations of how much they love their fiancees/wives.  And when they’re pushed the make a joke out of.

Yet these same guys can be wonderful husbands who show their spouses they care in many other ways.  PLEASE make sure you really know what you want, and what you are willing to accept without piling up years of resentment.  The fact that you have this long list of things you are upset about after 7 years together seems sad to me.  And since several of these things are super-easy to fix through direct communication, I would recommend addressing the things you can change (ring, engagement story) and letting go of the ones you can’t, ASAP!  If you can’t talk about these relatively minor issues now…what’s going to happen when you face real challenges in the future?

Post # 54
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@oneofthesethings:  They are still engaged and not yet married. In the period of engagment many, many people ask about the proposal. After the wedding they tend not to. 

Post # 55
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FoxyBride14:  It’s a vestige of a culture that considered women chattel.  It’s infantilising.

Post # 56
Member
7522 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think everyone is forgetting that it is his proposal. He is asking her to marry him. If you want to plan a proposal then you do the asking.

It is kind of like accepting a dinner invitiation to a friends place but being upset when they didn’t cook the meal you told them to.  

Post # 57
Member
26 posts
Newbee

@elaina250:  I totally understand how you’re feeling. I think some people on here have been a bit too tough in their “tough love” advice. To paraphrase another bee, there’s a big difference between wanting a hollywood fantasy proposal and wanting your Fiance to actually give some consideration and thought to it. Yes, the relationship and everything that comes after the wedding is the most importhing thing of all. If your Fiance makes you really happy and is loving and considerate in all other parts of your life, then yes, I think you can give him a pass on the proposal.

However, it sounds like you feel as if he only proposed the way he did because it was convenient to do so, and he disregarded what you wanted although you had clearly communicated it to him. Also, he’s been going around joking about the proposal in a way that’s disrespectful to you. So the big question, is he loving in all the important ways? If so, I say let it go but give him an opportunity to make it up to you by being romantic in some other way. However, if he shows the same lack of thought in other parts of your relationship, then I think it’s possibly a red flag. I don’t think this would be bothering you almost two years later if there weren’t a bigger issue involved.

Post # 58
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mine was ‘average’, he proposed at 9am in a Japanese garden. It was lovely though 🙂

 

But it wasn’t your bells and whistles ‘write it in the sky with a plane’, petals in the sand, people break-into-dance-in-the-street type of proposal that some girls get! Lol. 

Post # 59
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

@elaina250:  I can empathize. mine took me to the Fairmont Olymipic in Seattle (where we went on our first trip together) on our five year anniversary. He got out of the shower the morning of, told me to wake up (and then had a second thought and was like, “put a shirt on”) and got down in our dirty hotel room (we’d been there for two days already). THEN, he took me to the mall so that he could get a shave, and left me to wander around until he was done. I was pissed.

I know it’s stupid and he was nervous, and we’re really very happy together, but he knows that I wanted a thoughtful proposal. I told him a million times that I don’t care when he does it, but I just wanted a little effort. And it doesn’t upset me as much that the proposal itself was spontaneous – I LOVE that it was just the two of us – what bugs me is that after five years he didn’t have any sort of solid plan. i mean, i would have been happy to spend the day at the park or at the pool, or in bed, but he shuttled me off to the MALL. seriously.

I think the best thing, and I’ve done this with mine, is to explain that you’re disapointed, talk out your disappointment, and then let it go. And get your setting exchanged, if you still can.

Post # 60
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@elaina250:  I know it feels silly sometimes to feel like your proposal sucks, trust me I felt rather bitter towards my proposal for ages I wrote a thread about it too! – but I guess no one understands until they have an “un-romantic proposal” themselves.

but let me tell you it gets better. You eventually get passed it. I even told my Fiance how i felt, he was angry at first but I’m glad I did because he is super genuinely romantic now and I guess it worked out for the best..

So yeah, I dont like hearing about romantic oveer the top sweet proposals – because that was what I wanted – but I just  distance myself from it and just smile and say I’m so looking forward to being married to my best friend for the rest of my life!!! 

Post # 61
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My fiance didn’t have anything extravagant planned either, but I could tell by how nervous he was that it took a HUGE leap to propose to me 🙂 that’s all that I’ll remember, that I could see how much he legitimately cared. I think you just need to look at the positives in the situation.. and I agree that MOST of the time proposals aren’t like a fairytale, it’s just those select few people that do get that, decide to tell the world, it makes our expectations way too high.

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